Pokémon

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Note: This article is about Pokémon in general. For the show, see Pokemon (Show). Other related articles can be found at the Pokémon Center.


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Pokémon (陰茎の穴) is a multi-billion dollar global franchise owned by the Nintendo corporation and its army of Japanese blue collar men working to achieve their minimum wage (to please the world's dumbshit Nintendo fans of all ages]]

Most native Japanese actually prefer a different orientalized cartoon franchise called Yokai Watch, which also represents poorly implemented Japanese cultural representation via watered down kiddie snuff, yet also focuses on using captured creatures for battle.

Nintendo keeps their beloved culturally inaccurate franchise running stronger than Muscle Man and the Un-huffable Kitten by making each new title slightly more innovative, fresher than corn dildus, yet indistinguishable from previous titles.

The concept revolves around various ameri-orientalized asian people stuffing neon colored small animals into tiny hollow orbs that resemble fishing bobbles, and forcing them to fight each other in the manner of Japanese fighting beetles... It is likely that this idea lead to the rapid increase in animal abuse by kids, and the fact that it's just another poorly-constructed Japanese cartoon - that gave the world EVEN MORE extremely warped views on Asian history and traditional culture - is absolutely true.

Smart People That Hate Pokemon (both native JP and non JP indigenous)[edit]

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Pokémon.
(The real experts at Citizendium, on the other hand, don't.)
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There is an alternate version of this article at Pokémon (The Funny Version).


Pokémon Red[edit]

Pokémon Red
POKEMONbright.jpg
Evil Pikachu dildis were designed to warp the Cultural Awareness of children. The occupying factor of Orientalism fused with Americanism kept kids hungry for more cartoon-nized faux Asian history.
Developer The Japanese
Release Date to United States children for mind-control, more specifically to indoctrinate fatties living on cheeseburgers and ice cream into historically inaccurate Asian ideology. Gives no information or notes about accurate Japanese cultural standpoints, so kids think Japan is all about anime and yellow rats.
Genre Enslavement
Platforms Game Boy
Rating Red
Would Stephen Colbert play it? Not likely

Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was coded and tested by the enslaved Republican Ainu peoples in the 19th century in Hokkaido, Japan, but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.

Based loosely on the fact that most western youth nowadays enjoy watching hours of X-Treme videos of naked Asian chicks dancing to Minato in cosplay suits, the Koreans also sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little western buggers long enough to allow their stoned Republican caregivers in both the US and Korea to sneak out to late night strip clubs and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of Seoul.

Sadly, the Yamato majority was unable to occupy American children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the screaming little brats wanted to train their L3 Jiggly-Snuff after seeing the kick-ass Charred-Wizard on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them with horsefly maggots or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many Irish beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).

When Pokémon was finally pushed through the Kyoto patent office and introduced to the unhappy world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing Fukushima nuclear toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The release of the game launched many Pokémon careers in the States, including Chris Chan's job at The Game Place for the kiddos.

Charred-Wizard starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitobou-ru (Meatball). Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jiggly-Snuff and Dildo assumed a career as two gambling Casino whores on Nevada street corners. Dildo was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jiggly-Snuff was forced by Mr. Iwata to sing French opera as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. [edit]


Pokémon Blue[edit]

Pokémon Blue
POKEMONbright.jpg
Evil Pikachu dildis were designed to warp the Cultural Awareness of children. The occupying factor of Orientalism fused with Americanism kept kids hungry for more cartoon-nized faux Asian history.
Developer The Japanese
Release Date to United States children for mind-control, more specifically to indoctrinate fatties living on cheeseburgers and ice cream into historically inaccurate Asian ideology. Gives no information or notes about accurate Japanese cultural standpoints, so kids think Japan is all about anime and yellow rats.
Genre Enslavement
Platforms Game Boy
Rating Blue
Would Bill Bailey play it? Not likely

Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was coded and tested by the enslaved Republican Ainu peoples in the 19th century in Hokkaido, Japan, but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.

Based loosely on the fact that most western youth nowadays enjoy watching hours of X-Treme videos of naked Asian chicks dancing to Minato in cosplay suits, the Koreans also sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little western buggers long enough to allow their stoned Republican caregivers in both the US and Korea to sneak out to late night strip clubs and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of Seoul.

Sadly, the Yamato majority was unable to occupy American children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the screaming little brats wanted to train their L3 Jiggly-Snuff after seeing the kick-ass Charred-Wizard on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them with horsefly maggots or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many Irish beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).

When Pokémon was finally pushed through the Kyoto patent office and introduced to the unhappy world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing Fukushima nuclear toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The release of the game launched many Pokémon careers in the States, including Chris Chan's job at The Game Place for the kiddos.

Charred-Wizard starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitobou-ru (Meatball). Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jiggly-Snuff and Dildo assumed a career as two gambling Casino whores on Nevada street corners. Dildo was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jiggly-Snuff was forced by Mr. Iwata to sing French opera as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. [edit]


Pokémon Green[edit]

Pokémon Green
POKEMONbright.jpg
Evil Pikachu dildis were designed to warp the Cultural Awareness of children. The occupying factor of Orientalism fused with Americanism kept kids hungry for more cartoon-nized faux Asian history.
Developer The Japanese
Release Date to United States children for mind-control, more specifically to indoctrinate fatties living on cheeseburgers and ice cream into historically inaccurate Asian ideology. Gives no information or notes about accurate Japanese cultural standpoints, so kids think Japan is all about anime and yellow rats.
Genre Enslavement
Platforms Game Boy
Rating Green
Would Joey Barton play it? Who wouldn't?

Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was coded and tested by the enslaved Republican Ainu peoples in the 19th century in Hokkaido, Japan, but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.

Based loosely on the fact that most western youth nowadays enjoy watching hours of X-Treme videos of naked Asian chicks dancing to Minato in cosplay suits, the Koreans also sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little western buggers long enough to allow their stoned Republican caregivers in both the US and Korea to sneak out to late night strip clubs and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of Seoul.

Sadly, the Yamato majority was unable to occupy American children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the screaming little brats wanted to train their L3 Jiggly-Snuff after seeing the kick-ass Charred-Wizard on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them with horsefly maggots or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many Irish beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).

When Pokémon was finally pushed through the Kyoto patent office and introduced to the unhappy world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing Fukushima nuclear toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The release of the game launched many Pokémon careers in the States, including Chris Chan's job at The Game Place for the kiddos.

Charred-Wizard starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitobou-ru (Meatball). Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jiggly-Snuff and Dildo assumed a career as two gambling Casino whores on Nevada street corners. Dildo was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jiggly-Snuff was forced by Mr. Iwata to sing French opera as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. [edit]


Pokémon Yellow[edit]

Pokémon Yellow
POKEMONbright.jpg
Evil Pikachu dildis were designed to warp the Cultural Awareness of children. The occupying factor of Orientalism fused with Americanism kept kids hungry for more cartoon-nized faux Asian history.
Developer The Japanese
Release Date to United States children for mind-control, more specifically to indoctrinate fatties living on cheeseburgers and ice cream into historically inaccurate Asian ideology. Gives no information or notes about accurate Japanese cultural standpoints, so kids think Japan is all about anime and yellow rats.
Genre Enslavement
Platforms Game Boy
Rating Yellow
Would Shadow the Hedgehog play it? Not likely

Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was coded and tested by the enslaved Republican Ainu peoples in the 19th century in Hokkaido, Japan, but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.

Based loosely on the fact that most western youth nowadays enjoy watching hours of X-Treme videos of naked Asian chicks dancing to Minato in cosplay suits, the Koreans also sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little western buggers long enough to allow their stoned Republican caregivers in both the US and Korea to sneak out to late night strip clubs and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of Seoul.

Sadly, the Yamato majority was unable to occupy American children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the screaming little brats wanted to train their L3 Jiggly-Snuff after seeing the kick-ass Charred-Wizard on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them with horsefly maggots or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many Irish beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).

When Pokémon was finally pushed through the Kyoto patent office and introduced to the unhappy world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing Fukushima nuclear toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The release of the game launched many Pokémon careers in the States, including Chris Chan's job at The Game Place for the kiddos.

Charred-Wizard starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitobou-ru (Meatball). Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jiggly-Snuff and Dildo assumed a career as two gambling Casino whores on Nevada street corners. Dildo was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jiggly-Snuff was forced by Mr. Iwata to sing French opera as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. [edit]


Pokémon Gold[edit]

Pokémon Gold
POKEMONbright.jpg
Evil Pikachu dildis were designed to warp the Cultural Awareness of children. The occupying factor of Orientalism fused with Americanism kept kids hungry for more cartoon-nized faux Asian history.
Developer The Japanese
Release Date to United States children for mind-control, more specifically to indoctrinate fatties living on cheeseburgers and ice cream into historically inaccurate Asian ideology. Gives no information or notes about accurate Japanese cultural standpoints, so kids think Japan is all about anime and yellow rats.
Genre Enslavement
Platforms Game Boy
Rating Gold
Would David Beckham play it? Not likely

Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was coded and tested by the enslaved Republican Ainu peoples in the 19th century in Hokkaido, Japan, but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.

Based loosely on the fact that most western youth nowadays enjoy watching hours of X-Treme videos of naked Asian chicks dancing to Minato in cosplay suits, the Koreans also sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little western buggers long enough to allow their stoned Republican caregivers in both the US and Korea to sneak out to late night strip clubs and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of Seoul.

Sadly, the Yamato majority was unable to occupy American children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the screaming little brats wanted to train their L3 Jiggly-Snuff after seeing the kick-ass Charred-Wizard on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them with horsefly maggots or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many Irish beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).

When Pokémon was finally pushed through the Kyoto patent office and introduced to the unhappy world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing Fukushima nuclear toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The release of the game launched many Pokémon careers in the States, including Chris Chan's job at The Game Place for the kiddos.

Charred-Wizard starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitobou-ru (Meatball). Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jiggly-Snuff and Dildo assumed a career as two gambling Casino whores on Nevada street corners. Dildo was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jiggly-Snuff was forced by Mr. Iwata to sing French opera as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. [edit]


Pokémon Silver[edit]

Pokémon Silver
POKEMONbright.jpg
Evil Pikachu dildis were designed to warp the Cultural Awareness of children. The occupying factor of Orientalism fused with Americanism kept kids hungry for more cartoon-nized faux Asian history.
Developer The Japanese
Release Date to United States children for mind-control, more specifically to indoctrinate fatties living on cheeseburgers and ice cream into historically inaccurate Asian ideology. Gives no information or notes about accurate Japanese cultural standpoints, so kids think Japan is all about anime and yellow rats.
Genre Enslavement
Platforms Game Boy
Rating Silver
Would Donald Cedric Orlando Aloisius Augustus Cornelius Tascalusa Octavius Elphinstone Eugene Frederick Dionysus Pikachu Davros The Third play it? Not likely

Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was coded and tested by the enslaved Republican Ainu peoples in the 19th century in Hokkaido, Japan, but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.

Based loosely on the fact that most western youth nowadays enjoy watching hours of X-Treme videos of naked Asian chicks dancing to Minato in cosplay suits, the Koreans also sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little western buggers long enough to allow their stoned Republican caregivers in both the US and Korea to sneak out to late night strip clubs and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of Seoul.

Sadly, the Yamato majority was unable to occupy American children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the screaming little brats wanted to train their L3 Jiggly-Snuff after seeing the kick-ass Charred-Wizard on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them with horsefly maggots or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many Irish beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).

When Pokémon was finally pushed through the Kyoto patent office and introduced to the unhappy world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing Fukushima nuclear toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The release of the game launched many Pokémon careers in the States, including Chris Chan's job at The Game Place for the kiddos.

Charred-Wizard starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitobou-ru (Meatball). Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jiggly-Snuff and Dildo assumed a career as two gambling Casino whores on Nevada street corners. Dildo was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jiggly-Snuff was forced by Mr. Iwata to sing French opera as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. [edit]


Pokémon Crystal[edit]

Pokémon Crystal
POKEMONbright.jpg
Evil Pikachu dildis were designed to warp the Cultural Awareness of children. The occupying factor of Orientalism fused with Americanism kept kids hungry for more cartoon-nized faux Asian history.
Developer The Japanese
Release Date to United States children for mind-control, more specifically to indoctrinate fatties living on cheeseburgers and ice cream into historically inaccurate Asian ideology. Gives no information or notes about accurate Japanese cultural standpoints, so kids think Japan is all about anime and yellow rats.
Genre Enslavement
Platforms Game Boy
Rating Crystal
Would Cher play it? Not likely

Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was coded and tested by the enslaved Republican Ainu peoples in the 19th century in Hokkaido, Japan, but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.

Based loosely on the fact that most western youth nowadays enjoy watching hours of X-Treme videos of naked Asian chicks dancing to Minato in cosplay suits, the Koreans also sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little western buggers long enough to allow their stoned Republican caregivers in both the US and Korea to sneak out to late night strip clubs and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of Seoul.

Sadly, the Yamato majority was unable to occupy American children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the screaming little brats wanted to train their L3 Jiggly-Snuff after seeing the kick-ass Charred-Wizard on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them with horsefly maggots or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many Irish beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).

When Pokémon was finally pushed through the Kyoto patent office and introduced to the unhappy world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing Fukushima nuclear toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The release of the game launched many Pokémon careers in the States, including Chris Chan's job at The Game Place for the kiddos.

Charred-Wizard starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitobou-ru (Meatball). Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jiggly-Snuff and Dildo assumed a career as two gambling Casino whores on Nevada street corners. Dildo was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jiggly-Snuff was forced by Mr. Iwata to sing French opera as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. [edit]


Pokémon Ruby[edit]

Pokémon Ruby
POKEMONbright.jpg
Evil Pikachu dildis were designed to warp the Cultural Awareness of children. The occupying factor of Orientalism fused with Americanism kept kids hungry for more cartoon-nized faux Asian history.
Developer The Japanese
Release Date to United States children for mind-control, more specifically to indoctrinate fatties living on cheeseburgers and ice cream into historically inaccurate Asian ideology. Gives no information or notes about accurate Japanese cultural standpoints, so kids think Japan is all about anime and yellow rats.
Genre Enslavement
Platforms Game Boy
Rating Ruby
Would George W. Bush play it? Not likely

Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was coded and tested by the enslaved Republican Ainu peoples in the 19th century in Hokkaido, Japan, but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.

Based loosely on the fact that most western youth nowadays enjoy watching hours of X-Treme videos of naked Asian chicks dancing to Minato in cosplay suits, the Koreans also sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little western buggers long enough to allow their stoned Republican caregivers in both the US and Korea to sneak out to late night strip clubs and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of Seoul.

Sadly, the Yamato majority was unable to occupy American children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the screaming little brats wanted to train their L3 Jiggly-Snuff after seeing the kick-ass Charred-Wizard on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them with horsefly maggots or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many Irish beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).

When Pokémon was finally pushed through the Kyoto patent office and introduced to the unhappy world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing Fukushima nuclear toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The release of the game launched many Pokémon careers in the States, including Chris Chan's job at The Game Place for the kiddos.

Charred-Wizard starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitobou-ru (Meatball). Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jiggly-Snuff and Dildo assumed a career as two gambling Casino whores on Nevada street corners. Dildo was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jiggly-Snuff was forced by Mr. Iwata to sing French opera as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. [edit]


Pokémon Sapphire[edit]

Pokémon Sapphire
POKEMONbright.jpg
Evil Pikachu dildis were designed to warp the Cultural Awareness of children. The occupying factor of Orientalism fused with Americanism kept kids hungry for more cartoon-nized faux Asian history.
Developer The Japanese
Release Date to United States children for mind-control, more specifically to indoctrinate fatties living on cheeseburgers and ice cream into historically inaccurate Asian ideology. Gives no information or notes about accurate Japanese cultural standpoints, so kids think Japan is all about anime and yellow rats.
Genre Enslavement
Platforms Game Boy
Rating Sapphire
Would Kevin Federline play it? Not likely

Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was coded and tested by the enslaved Republican Ainu peoples in the 19th century in Hokkaido, Japan, but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.

Based loosely on the fact that most western youth nowadays enjoy watching hours of X-Treme videos of naked Asian chicks dancing to Minato in cosplay suits, the Koreans also sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little western buggers long enough to allow their stoned Republican caregivers in both the US and Korea to sneak out to late night strip clubs and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of Seoul.

Sadly, the Yamato majority was unable to occupy American children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the screaming little brats wanted to train their L3 Jiggly-Snuff after seeing the kick-ass Charred-Wizard on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them with horsefly maggots or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many Irish beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).

When Pokémon was finally pushed through the Kyoto patent office and introduced to the unhappy world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing Fukushima nuclear toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The release of the game launched many Pokémon careers in the States, including Chris Chan's job at The Game Place for the kiddos.

Charred-Wizard starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitobou-ru (Meatball). Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jiggly-Snuff and Dildo assumed a career as two gambling Casino whores on Nevada street corners. Dildo was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jiggly-Snuff was forced by Mr. Iwata to sing French opera as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. [edit]


Pokémon Emerald[edit]

Pokémon Emerald
POKEMONbright.jpg
Evil Pikachu dildis were designed to warp the Cultural Awareness of children. The occupying factor of Orientalism fused with Americanism kept kids hungry for more cartoon-nized faux Asian history.
Developer The Japanese
Release Date to United States children for mind-control, more specifically to indoctrinate fatties living on cheeseburgers and ice cream into historically inaccurate Asian ideology. Gives no information or notes about accurate Japanese cultural standpoints, so kids think Japan is all about anime and yellow rats.
Genre Enslavement
Platforms Game Boy
Rating Emerald
Would Leonardo da Vinci play it? Not likely

Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was coded and tested by the enslaved Republican Ainu peoples in the 19th century in Hokkaido, Japan, but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.

Based loosely on the fact that most western youth nowadays enjoy watching hours of X-Treme videos of naked Asian chicks dancing to Minato in cosplay suits, the Koreans also sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little western buggers long enough to allow their stoned Republican caregivers in both the US and Korea to sneak out to late night strip clubs and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of Seoul.

Sadly, the Yamato majority was unable to occupy American children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the screaming little brats wanted to train their L3 Jiggly-Snuff after seeing the kick-ass Charred-Wizard on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them with horsefly maggots or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many Irish beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).

When Pokémon was finally pushed through the Kyoto patent office and introduced to the unhappy world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing Fukushima nuclear toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The release of the game launched many Pokémon careers in the States, including Chris Chan's job at The Game Place for the kiddos.

Charred-Wizard starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitobou-ru (Meatball). Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jiggly-Snuff and Dildo assumed a career as two gambling Casino whores on Nevada street corners. Dildo was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jiggly-Snuff was forced by Mr. Iwata to sing French opera as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. [edit]


Pokémon FireRed[edit]

Pokémon FireRed
POKEMONbright.jpg
Evil Pikachu dildis were designed to warp the Cultural Awareness of children. The occupying factor of Orientalism fused with Americanism kept kids hungry for more cartoon-nized faux Asian history.
Developer The Japanese
Release Date to United States children for mind-control, more specifically to indoctrinate fatties living on cheeseburgers and ice cream into historically inaccurate Asian ideology. Gives no information or notes about accurate Japanese cultural standpoints, so kids think Japan is all about anime and yellow rats.
Genre Enslavement
Platforms Game Boy
Rating FireRed
Would Condoleeza Rice play it? Not likely

Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was coded and tested by the enslaved Republican Ainu peoples in the 19th century in Hokkaido, Japan, but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.

Based loosely on the fact that most western youth nowadays enjoy watching hours of X-Treme videos of naked Asian chicks dancing to Minato in cosplay suits, the Koreans also sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little western buggers long enough to allow their stoned Republican caregivers in both the US and Korea to sneak out to late night strip clubs and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of Seoul.

Sadly, the Yamato majority was unable to occupy American children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the screaming little brats wanted to train their L3 Jiggly-Snuff after seeing the kick-ass Charred-Wizard on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them with horsefly maggots or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many Irish beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).

When Pokémon was finally pushed through the Kyoto patent office and introduced to the unhappy world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing Fukushima nuclear toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The release of the game launched many Pokémon careers in the States, including Chris Chan's job at The Game Place for the kiddos.

Charred-Wizard starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitobou-ru (Meatball). Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jiggly-Snuff and Dildo assumed a career as two gambling Casino whores on Nevada street corners. Dildo was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jiggly-Snuff was forced by Mr. Iwata to sing French opera as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. [edit]


Pokémon LeafGreen[edit]

Pokémon LeafGreen
POKEMONbright.jpg
Evil Pikachu dildis were designed to warp the Cultural Awareness of children. The occupying factor of Orientalism fused with Americanism kept kids hungry for more cartoon-nized faux Asian history.
Developer The Japanese
Release Date to United States children for mind-control, more specifically to indoctrinate fatties living on cheeseburgers and ice cream into historically inaccurate Asian ideology. Gives no information or notes about accurate Japanese cultural standpoints, so kids think Japan is all about anime and yellow rats.
Genre Enslavement
Platforms Game Boy
Rating LeafGreen
Would Mao Zedong play it? Who wouldn't?

Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was coded and tested by the enslaved Republican Ainu peoples in the 19th century in Hokkaido, Japan, but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.

Based loosely on the fact that most western youth nowadays enjoy watching hours of X-Treme videos of naked Asian chicks dancing to Minato in cosplay suits, the Koreans also sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little western buggers long enough to allow their stoned Republican caregivers in both the US and Korea to sneak out to late night strip clubs and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of Seoul.

Sadly, the Yamato majority was unable to occupy American children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the screaming little brats wanted to train their L3 Jiggly-Snuff after seeing the kick-ass Charred-Wizard on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them with horsefly maggots or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many Irish beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).

When Pokémon was finally pushed through the Kyoto patent office and introduced to the unhappy world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing Fukushima nuclear toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The release of the game launched many Pokémon careers in the States, including Chris Chan's job at The Game Place for the kiddos.

Charred-Wizard starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitobou-ru (Meatball). Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jiggly-Snuff and Dildo assumed a career as two gambling Casino whores on Nevada street corners. Dildo was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jiggly-Snuff was forced by Mr. Iwata to sing French opera as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. [edit]


Pokémon SHIT Diamond[edit]

Pokémon Diamond
Mokepon1.jpg
Evil Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children, therefore creating a huge shit to grow in each of their brains.
Developer The Japanese
Release Date to United States children for mind-control
Genre Enslavement
Platforms Nintendo DS
Rating Diamond
Would Sean Connery play it? Not likely

Child mind-control at its finest, Dead People (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks Japanese but was only recently released to the world at large due to significantly huge shits in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld. In the most recent one you spend the day eating shit and having sex with your animals.

Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks Japanese sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the shit fountain south of the Shitface Park.

Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Jigglypuff after seeing the shiny Charizard on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).

When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Charizard starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crack addicted whore on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. Then more Pokémon were introduced later on by the Greeks, which creates new problems. One of the problems they faced is the Mudkip, who is now with Jigglypuff doing crack and weed in the streets of Nevada. [edit]


Pokémon SHIT Diamond[edit]

Pokémon Pearl
Mokepon1.jpg
Evil Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children, therefore creating a huge shit to grow in each of their brains.
Developer The Japanese
Release Date to United States children for mind-control
Genre Enslavement
Platforms Nintendo DS
Rating Pearl
Would Conan play it? Only when high

Child mind-control at its finest, Dead People (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks Japanese but was only recently released to the world at large due to significantly huge shits in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld. In the most recent one you spend the day eating shit and having sex with your animals.

Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks Japanese sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the shit fountain south of the Shitface Park.

Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Jigglypuff after seeing the shiny Charizard on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).

When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Charizard starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crack addicted whore on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. Then more Pokémon were introduced later on by the Greeks, which creates new problems. One of the problems they faced is the Mudkip, who is now with Jigglypuff doing crack and weed in the streets of Nevada. [edit]


Pokémon SHIT Diamond[edit]

Pokémon Platinum
Mokepon1.jpg
Evil Pikachus were designed to fuse to the spinal column of children, therefore creating a huge shit to grow in each of their brains.
Developer The Japanese
Release Date to United States children for mind-control
Genre Enslavement
Platforms Nintendo DS
Rating Platinum
Would Hillary Clinton play it? Not likely

Child mind-control at its finest, Dead People (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks Japanese but was only recently released to the world at large due to significantly huge shits in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld. In the most recent one you spend the day eating shit and having sex with your animals.

Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks Japanese sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the shit fountain south of the Shitface Park.

Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Jigglypuff after seeing the shiny Charizard on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).

When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Charizard starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crack addicted whore on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition. Then more Pokémon were introduced later on by the Greeks, which creates new problems. One of the problems they faced is the Mudkip, who is now with Jigglypuff doing crack and weed in the streets of Nevada. [edit]