Poking people with bits of sharp metal

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Poking people with bits of sharp metal is a rather unknown past time/hobby invented in the northeastern region of Quebec, Canada around 1932 by a group of mill workers who hated children. Hey what the hell else is there to do in Canada besides kitten huffing and injuring your fellow bloke with a poke or two?

Notable People Who Have Been Poked With Bits of Sharp Metal[edit]

Britney Spears (obviously), Duff McKagan, Mick Jagger, Amelia Earhart, The Jonas Brothers, Mr. T, Paris Hilton (along with everything else you can poke her with), Yao Ming, the "Dude you're getting a Dell" guy, Michael Jackson, Mr. Magoo, Al Davis, your mom, the creator of Uncyclopedia and most everyone who reads it, the administrators of Uncyclopedia, Monica Lewinsky (Bill's penis was sheared off in a tragic bong-cleaning incident and replaced with a cork screw), your sister, and the whole 1998 Atlanta Falcons defense.

When Is It Appropriate to Poke People With Bits of Sharp Metal?[edit]

Poking people with bits of sharp metal should always be done, by everyone. Poking people with bits of sharp metal makes the people who were poked with bits of sharp metal poke other people with bits of sharp metal. This is fact. People like to be poked with bits of sharp metal, it's exciting, almost like getting a blowjob at work. But we know if you're reading this, you have never and will never, ever receive a blowjob from anything other than a Mason jar full of warm hamburger meat or grandma's vacuum hose.

Supplies Needed to Start Poking People With Bits of Sharp Metal[edit]



3)the humanoid known as "Oprah" and/or the more evil of the two wretched robots Rosie O' Donnell.

4)people or a person (children, women, and the elderly are excellent targets)

Getting Started[edit]

1)Since it is a known fact that both Oprah and Rosie O are both humaniods with a metal endoskeleton under the skin (much like a Terminator only with the added abilty to control the minds of women and gay men), you must first find an Oprah or a Rosie O.

2)Once you have a Rosie or an Oprah securely in your posession, you must fasten it (her) to a tree, power pole, bike rack, your mom's rack, etc...whatever is available and sturdy enough to bear attempted escape of a viscious humanoid beast.

3)You then take the aforementioned (preferably old and unstable) dynamite, and shove as much as you can fit into the hole which is located below the F.U.P.A. (fat upper pussy area).

  • note: you may need to lift the F.U.P.A out of the way so full insertion of dynamite is possible

4)Light the dynamite with your handy boy-scout issued matches. (You sick pedophile.)


6)You now have many differnet bits of sharp metal. Many sizes, shapes, angles, and degrees of sharpness.