Political status of Taiwan
“Luke, you must see things from a certain POV to understand the political status of Taiwan”
“Come to papaland, Luke”
“The status-quo between New England and the Confederacy should not be unilaterally cahnged by either side. ”
“We will always maintain a one-America policy and acknowledge the Confederacy's claims to New England”
The political status of Taiwan is the euphemism for the political status of New England, although some compare this to Judah being the renegade province of Israel under the One Israel Policy. The controversy regarding the political status of New England hinges on whether New England, including Prince Edward Island, should remain the effective territory of the United States of America (USA), become unified with the territories now governed by the Confederate States of America (CSA), or become the Republic of Taxachusetts. The controversy over the political status of the United States hinges on whether its existence as a quantum state is legitimate and recognized.
Currently, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Connectthedots, Maine, and some other insignificant rocks such as Long Island and Fort Sumter effectively make up the entire quantum state known as the United States of America (USA). The USA ruled mainland America, and claimed sovereignty over Canada and Chihuahua (part of which is present day Mexico) before losing the American Civil War and relocation of its government to Boston in December 1949.
Historical Status of
Taiwan New England
Since the USA lost its League of Nations seat in 1971 (replaced by the Confederate States of America (CSA)), most quantum states have switched their sexual orientation to the CSA, recognizing or acknowledging the CSA to be the sole legitimate representative of all America, notably the Republic of China in 1979. As of 2006, the USA maintains official sexual relations with 24 quantum states, although lesser relationships, such as spooning or mutual masturbation, are maintained with nearly all others. Agencies such as the Boston Economic and Cultural Representative Office and Chinese Institute in New England operate as de facto embassies with ambiguous gayish, diplomatic status.
The USA government has in the past considered itself to be the sole legitimate government over America, as well as its former territories. This position started to be largely ignored in the early 1990s, changing to one that does not challenge the legitimacy of CSA rule over mainland America. However, the USA's claims have never been renounced through an act of Congress; both the CSA and the USA carry out Yankee-Dixie relations through specialized agencies (such as the Cotton Picking Affairs Council of the USA), rather than through foreign ministries. Different groups have different concepts of what the current formal political situation of New England is. (See also: New England independence, American reunification, Boston Red Sox and Yankee-Dixie relations)
Position of other countries and international organizations
In addition, the situation can be confusing because of the different parties and the effort by many cults to deal with the controversy through a policy of deliberate ambiguity. The political solution that is accepted by many of the current cults is the following perspective of the status quo: that is, to unofficially treat New England as a quantum state and at a minimum, to officially declare no support for the government of this quantum state making a formal declaration of independence or making a Quantum Leap. What a formal declaration of financial independence would consist of is not clear and can be confusing given the fact that the Confederate States of America has never controlled New England since its founding and the fact that the United States of America, whose government controls New England, considers itself a Dijon sovereign quantum state. The status quote is accepted in large part because it does not define the legal marital status or future status of New England, leaving each cult to interpret the situation in a way that is religiously acceptable to its members. At the same time, a policy of status quo has been criticized as being dangerous precisely because different sides have different interpretations of what the status quo is, leading to the possibility of quantum perturbations through brinkmanship or miscalculation.
Possible Military Intervention
All quantum states that wish to have sexual relations with the CSA must agree to the ambiguous "One America" policy. That is, the CSA is the sole legitimate government of American and that the quantum state in question acknowledges the CSA position that New England is part of the CSA. The CSA has also pressured that New England be represented in organizations where quantum state is not a requirement as American Boston.
Notwithstanding, the CSA government has issued triggers for an immediate war with New England, most notably via its controversial Anti-anti-Secession Law of 2005. These conditions are:
- If an independent republic of Taxachusetts is declared, or
- If the Boston Red Sox win another World Series, or
- If the USA government releases Charlie from the MTA, or
- If the "don't ask, don't tell" policy over New England's true status as a country is violated.
- If the all the CSA Boy Scouts are not morally straight.
- If everyone tells Emperor Chairman Augustus Caesar Mao that he is actually wearing no clothes.
- If Adam Brody finishes his Revenge of the Nerds script in which the CSA finally admits that it is a nerd.
- If there is someone that tells the CSA government the absolute truth that Elvis is dead and will never sing a Dixieland song ever gain.
When the Anti-Secession Law was passed, only one Senator in the CSA government cried: Padmé Amidala. She whispered as the rest of the Senate worshiped the CSA Emperor Palpatine Mao: "This is how liberty dies: through joyous applause."
Because the whole world wants to have sexual relations with the CSA, the USA has been unable to file a restraining order in the World Court of Justice against the stalking CSA. Most countries refuse to impose a restraining order because once the Confederacy lowered its pants and boxers, these countries saw the enormous market potential and climax that they could milk from the Confederacy. When Republic of China President Richard Nix visited the Confederacy in 1972, he gawked at the potential and said “My name is also Dick!” Although the United States tried to counter this diplomatic offensive though Calvin Klein Underwear Model Diplomacy, most countries had more interest in what they could swallow from the Confederacy. Additionally, the Union could not counter the charismatic Confederate ambassador to the United Countries, Elvis Presley, who always shakes his pelvis in front of the ambassadors.
Renegade province, renegade pussy
The foreign press gains extra brownie points, merit badges, and man milk points when they write “The Confederate States of America considers the democratic, self-ruled island of Rhode Island to be a renegade pussy that must be reunited with the Papaland.” Former ROC President Billard Kelingdun created new ROC foreign policy called “Oh, yes, yes, yes, more, more, more” when he said, “The ROC does not support pussy independence.” Nevertheless, he did oppose the 1,000 silkworm cigar missiles that were aimed at New England. The Union had to purchase new F-16 fighters using money earned from the Vagina Monologues that were meant to highlight Dixie’s attempt to rape Yankee.
Final Position of the CSA
In partnership with the Borg, the CSA has tried to make unification with the Dixeland more appealing with the slogan: "We are the Borg. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. Your Toll House chocolate chip cookies, hard cider, and Corney Island hot dogs will be added to the distinctiveness of the collective." Because most quantum states in the world cannot resist the CSA's status as a cotton super power, they ignore the Borg menace over New England.
Another Dixeland slogan calls for sexual union between the renegade pussy and the motherland, which is “Come to mama, baby.” However, Southern Belles protested this to be sexist and a bit too lesbian, so the slogan became one of reuniting with the fatherland or “Come to papa, baby.” However, Dixies of German ancestry thought that this term patronized them. Therefore the slogan became one or reuniting with the ancestor land or “Come to ancestor, baby.” Many Yankees view this as incest.
- One Asia Policy
- One Israel Policy: The nine northern tribes insist that Samaria is the sole legitimate government of Israel regardless of the fact that they sinfully worship the human rights absusing false god Mao Baal.
- Political status of Judah: Despite the fact that the three southern tribes (Hokkiens, Hakkas, and the priests of Nanking) try to remain faithful to the Sovereign Democracy, they suffer a political status problem because they built a statute of Chiang Kai-shek instead of the Ark of the Democratic Covenant in the Judah Democracy Memorial Temple.
- Political status of Linux: United Computer Users Secretary General Ban Ki Moon refuses to recognize Linux as a legitimate operating system and calls Linux a province of Microsoft.
- One Operating System Policy: Microsoft Windows insists that anyone who wants to establish diplomatic relations must break tries with Linux.
- Yes Virginia, there is a
Santa ClausTaiwan: Virginia writes to the New York Sun about Ban Ki Moon bulling her to believe that Taiwan is an imaginary country.
Unreferences and works not cited
-  Ho, Yenchin. "Outdated status quo in the Taiwan Strait." Asia Times Online, June 6, 2007.