Polytechnic University of Bucharest

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Polytechnic University of Bucharest (Universitatea Politehnica din Bucureşti, also known as 'Poli')
Logo PUB.jpg
Motto "Intra cine vrea, iese cine poate!" ("Don't kid yourself, you'll never graduate")
Established June 6, 666 (BC)
School type Public
Head Tanti Cati (a.k.a Abramburica)
Location Pukarest, Romania
Campus Hell's Gates
Endowment Taxpayers' money, used to feed the Brontosauruses.
Faculty Automatics and Computer Science Electronics and Telecommunications Transport Electrotechnics IMST FILS Applied Science Industrial Chemistry Aerospatial
Mascot The Brontosaurus
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Polytechnic University of Bucharest.

“This shit is better than Jurassic Park”

~ Oscar Wilde on Poli

“Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate!(Abandon all hope, ye who enter here!)”

The Polytechnic University of Bucharest, or more simply the "Poli", is a correctional facility university aimed at brainwashing (for those who have a brain) educating young Romanians. The curricula of the first years is so attractive that most students would do outrageous things just to remain forever in the 1st and 2nd year. Noticing this trend, the teachers created special subjects which are impossible to pass (a good example being RM - "Restanta Mereu"). Also, it has been taken into consideration as the 10th circle of the inferno in Dante's The Divine Comedy, aimed towards punishing stupidity.


The "Poli" was established in 666 B.C. as a research center for wireless communication by the Dacian ruler Burebista and his Dacian friends (some of who still teach today).

The high-tech equipment used back then is still used nowadays. The buildings have improved though, they were renovated in 1400 AD by Vlad the Impaler (Dracula). Also during the Second World War the buildings were used as Weapons Research and Development Facility by the Romanian army (they came up with designs and working prototypes for slingshots, bows, and catapults).

The Facility[edit]

DSC00246 mica.jpg

The bleak surroundings of the main building in the campus have been set up only to throw you off track from its actual purpose. It is known among the students as the "Rectorat" or "Rect" and serves as headquarters for the teachers. A little known fact is that it's strange oval shaped rooftop is actually a flying saucer, out of which the first generation of teachers has descended. Ever since, they have been known to kidnap the more docile students and hold them captive there until they become one of them.

Also the students held to become one of the idiots teachers would lose their sense of humor and get angry at jokes or anything that is funny in life.


Typical Poli student (seen here while taking a nap).

There is little information on this topic. Our spies fell asleep before they could gather any data.

The teachers here are not complete idiots (several parts are missing) renowned scientists who want to die while teaching have dedicated their life to serving the needs of students.

The students here are known, though, for their uncanny ability to process huge amounts of information in the shortest possible time. Their ability to come out of a drunken state and memorise a 400 page book (including pictures!) in only one night for the next day's exam has brought them praise and worldwide recognition..

Student Life[edit]

Life at poli.JPG

There are rumours about it, but it was never proven. Recent data shows that these students are mostly seen at night and are crazy party animals. Using Romanian beer they can live up to 2-3 weeks without any other form of nutrition.

The student life can be easily seen through some emoticons, representing the student's life in various moments of his education in this institution RO: Viaţa de student văzută prin emoticonuri

The girls here are few in numbers, and they don't really qualify as female representatives... people say "they are good fellows". Cash usually avoids them.

A favorite pastime among students is suicide. Many claim that this is the fault of the Faculty, but the teachers know better. It's obvious to them that the students actually reach Nirvana, and suicide is just the next step in their self-realization.

Quotes from Poli students[edit]

Some students from Poli going out for a night on the town.
  • " Shit, I think it's fried... " (referring to a pre-WWII piece of lab equipment)
  • " Starting tomorrow, I'm gonna go to school..."
  • " Starting tomorrow, I'm gonna start learning..."
  • " Starting tomorrow, I'll quit drinking..."
  • " The most beautiful girl from our year is Marghioala.... Oh, wait... She's the only one..."
  • " The most beautiful girl from our year is Mateias (n.r.: sex == male) ..."
  • " In Poli, the first seven years are the hardest."(typical degree is 5 years)
  • " In Poli primii sapte ani sunt grei pana treci in anul trei. (Didn't want to spoil the rhyme)."
  • "How many women are at a Poli party? About 100 GB. All naked." (Blu-Ray quality)
  • "Questions only a student at Poli can answer :"
  1. "Why is the sky blue? "
  2. "Why do wet clothes become darker in color, even though water is transparent ? "
  3. "Why does the water turn off the fire?"
  4. "Why doesn't glue stick to the bottom of a glass ? "
  5. "Can blind men see their dreams ? "
  6. "Why do men have nipples?"
  7. "Why aren't airplanes made out of the same material as black boxes?"
  8. "How do subway trains get underground?"
  9. "It's midnight and it's raining. In 96 hours time, will it still be raining?"
  10. "At what speed does darkness travel?"
  11. "If it's 0 degrees outside today, and tomorrow it will be twice as cold, how many degrees will there be tomorrow?"
  12. "When you take pictures with Mickey Mouse at Disneyland, is the man inside Mickey smiling?"
  13. "How do magnets work?"
  14. "Why are the waves formed in water circular, even though the object immersed in water is cubic?"


Besides being a university in Romania where you can get a great education, this is the home of successful research projects such as "Turn your cat into an electrical device" (RO: Electrizeaza Pisica), "Discovering the Maxwell equations for the perfect cubic chicken in a vacuum" and all sorts of pressing issues, for which the world is in need of solutions.

Famous Alumni[edit]