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Poptart is a porn magazine whose signature is a "white" cover with different bits of color placed in it. It is widely debated what the original "white stuff" was in its origins in the mid-1600's.

Poptart should not be confused with Pop tarts, the dubiously titled breakfast food.


Originally created by the fellowship of Tre-Billyjoe-Dirnt, it was established during the French Revolution by a group of middle-aged hippies who considered Moses, Jesus and Muhammad to be their elder brothers in a growing family of prophets.

The fellowship of Tre-BillieJoe-Dirnt was created by a delayed young boy named Sweeney Todd. Finding three deranged lunatics selling lies under the alias of GreenDay, Poptart started when Tre freaked out from an article about Hydrogen bi-oxygen, known to drown and blind people daily. He spilled the famous "white stuff" onto a printing press under-foot and when they came to print their album, they discovered the albums always had a white cover.

After this discovery, the fellowship changed to publishing the porn magazine Poptart with the white cover signature, with variations.


Poptart attributes its success to the use of cherry-filled Asians, from which the phrase "cherry popping" originated. Their recent issues include cinnamon-covered Latinos and chocolate-filled Africans. Poptart is controversial as most of the content is actually voyeuristic. Steve Jobs has admitted to obtaining his design of the to-be-announced iPenis from the inside pages of Poptart.

Current Subscribers[edit]

“Poptart has taught me how to make wild love to my iPenis.”

~ Steve Jobs on Poptart

The iPenis is said to be available in stores once Steve Jobs is done "testing it out."

“He wishes he was my douche!”

~ Poptart's cherry-filled Asians. on Steve Ballmer

“Them apple-colored Indians on the second page of issue 14 are HOTT.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Poptart

“This magazine saved my life, yo. Fo realz, I be reading it one day and all of a sudden shazzam I can RAP!”

~ 50 Cent on Poptart

Contact Information[edit]

To contact the Fellowship, or the delayed Todd Sweeney, place a call to (900)TEH-SEXY (900-834-7399) and request "Todd's Headers."