From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Popularity is hard to define. Has she got it? You'll have to count her Cool Points

“Popularity is overrated. I should know....”

~ Noel Coward on Popularity

“Oh yeah, that guys is soooo popular”

~ Oscar Wilde on Himself

“I'm popular and there's nothing you can do about it.”

~ Hanna Morgan on Popularity

“My fellow Americans consider me very popular!.”

~ George W. Bush on sarcasm

Popularity is defined as an agreement between a vast group of friends in a particular school that one is at the top of the social ladder. The vast majority of popular kids are tall pretty slender girls and alpha males, both special ed and mainstream. They are more socially apt, more attractive, more wealthy, and more able to break nerds glasses or humiliate the less gifted than the average human. Their main goal in life is illustrated in the first hour and fifteen minutes of the movie Revenge of the Nerds.

Their power over friends[edit]

Many people admire pretty girls who are outgoing and know how to make the pretense of kindness towards others, so they are quickly elevated to the top of the social ladder within the first month of school. Once they achieve their position, they are then able to use their power to spread untruthful rumors in order to put others down. This allows them to feel good about themselves, but it has disastrous effects. Those that they hurt often lose confidence and self-esteem and in some cases, such bullying can result in suicide. But, like, it's totally cool 'cause as always those at the top don't feel the sting that those at the bottom feel, so, like, if they can't experience the hurt then it's not really happening, right?

Regardless of the outcome of their actions, popular girls just plain don't give a shit. Their conscience fades away over time as they carry out wicked little schemes one after another. And these things are all done so that they can be glorified, and for a season they are. SHE IS SO SEXY EXCEEDING THE COOL POINT SCALE!!! YEAH

Their power over family[edit]

Such girls have the tendency to whine in a rather manipulative manner whenever they don't get their way. Because they do such a good job at it, their stupid parents willingly give in. After a while, their reign over the household is fully understood, and no one dares to question their authority. Because of this, they are easily able to acquire all the material possessions they want, including a cell phone, a laptop, a new car, and even a restraining order against a poor pathetic boy who only wanted their affection. Of course this is done solely to spite him. and so i would like to go tho my house and fuck a donkey and suck my moms dick yes sir "Qoute from some dumbass popular bitches in the world.


Nerds have been rumored to say, "Girls who exhibit such behavior deserve to be dethroned from their pedestals and made to sit at the very bottom of the social ladder." This and other uncreative remarks are often murmured among various goth and emo circles in response to repeatedly being stuffed in lockers.

Their power over stupid boys[edit]

Yes, even this one can be maladaptive.

Because they are so pretty and manipulative, it is easy for them to control the minds of boys who struggle to gain their affection. Popular girls have the tendency to cheat on those they do accept, and to treat the ones they don't accept with indifference. This causes them to be ever longing, but never satisfied, and all the while these girls feel a certain type of sadistic social superiority over them. But in the end they only end up like FEMA. Slow to respond (to stupid boys) and with unsatisfying results (in bed)

Griffin Smith's Theorem[edit]

It has been stated by Griffin Smith, a high school student, that popularity is a double-edged sword. Whereas it can elevate one's social status, it prohibits one from freely expressing themselves. Have you ever seen a popular person yell "SPOON SEX!", then sit down like nothing happened? No. They wouldn't be popular. They would be weird, which we all know is the ideal way to live.

See Also[edit]