Postbox

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Just your average postbox

Post boxes (from the Greek word "Postopathiucus Stumpopodopolus") were discovered in 432 BC by Christopher Columbus in a small dank cloak room somewhere off the coast of Essex. They are thought to be first used as giant's dildos.

History[edit]

Discovery[edit]

After being being discovered they were outlawed and banished to the sea for 15 years. There is much dispute about the reason for the ban, but it is most widley believed that the King of Spain thought they were just too damn kinky. During their 15 years in the deep sea wilderness, around twenty of the ancient specimens evolved to take root. For generations they lay unknown of in a large dwelling just south of Birmingham, England.

Shortage[edit]

One rather short sighted motorcyclist who mistook these green tyres for a quamodo dragon disguised as a postbox.

Since post boxes have been a common sight in every street, doorway, fishmonger and spaceship. However they have not always been in pleantiful supply. In 1942 the postbox supply quickly dried up as postbox mines began becoming obsolite, due to the introduction of the e-mail. It was only after the great post revolution of 1980, led by, among others, Ghengis Khan, Martin Luther King Jr., and Dennis Taylor (former snooker world champion), that post boxes became widely available to the general public. Another period of drout came in 1803 when people began to paint the humble post box green, just for a laugh. This was widely discouraged by world leaders, as people mistook these newly coloured boxes as quamodo dragons, and began to run them over in fear of getting burnt to a crispy cinder.

Abuse[edit]

It was discovered in the mid sixties that the residue that formed on top of the postbox was a powerful narcotic. This lead to mass addiction and the deaths of many. The substances chemical name was (and still is) Dihydrogen Oxide (chemical symbol HH2O) and is often referred to as "Freaky P","P Man" and "Sea Water".

Effects[edit]

The symptons of consuming such a dangerous and potentially harmful substance through the mouth, nasal cavities or patella include severe blindness, grazed knees and uncontrollable urinatng when sightig the company logo of Royal Dalton, Bathroom unit manufacturer.

Media attention[edit]

Pat before his hideous transformation.

The Nirvana song "lithium" ,was not as commonly believed about rechargeable batteries, but centered around lead singer Kurt Cobain's addiction to the drug. Other famous cases include the chemical causing Britney Spears' great hair loss, and one bizarre incident in 1992 in which a man, known only as "Pat" was one day transformed into a plastercine figurine while inhaling postrunner, and made to perform in some sick and twisted reality TV series, starring Brad Pitt as the evil postress hyper villain, Mrs. Norris, and Shaun Connery as the reliable, yet slightly suicidal, handyman, Ted.

Trivia[edit]

Postboxes where the inspiration to the hit musical chitty chitty bang bang. When confronted by a postbox in 1812 Henry viii declared himself "amazed." Many postboxes are diabetic, and the ones that aren't generally get a mild form of skin cancer due to a lack of their abnormal blue blood cells. Every person in the world is related to postboxes via a suspicious link. If your hand gets stuck in a postbox for over 3 hours, it will start to wither like a raisin.