“I had one of dem tater guns...Yessiree I did.”
“Uhhhh... we have blasters.”
Potato gun. Not just any gun. Potato gun. These guns are very well known for their ability to shoot entire or small chunks of potatos(often refered to as tomatoes). These guns come in all forms and have many uses/purposes.
The First Potato Gun
The first potato gun was found by Sir William Wallace in the middle of a training campaign in Age of Empires 2: The Age of Kings. Little did he know that he would become super rich by selling small crappy ones to children and selling complex plans and designs to high school students desperate for a Science Fair project. Sir William (aka: Bill) found the gun jumping out of the water where shore fish were supposed to be jumping. He said, "By George! I could defeat the Brits with this!" and went along slaying hundreds of English soldiers (it was all him! The person at the computer sat with their jaw dropped and watched!)Bill soon spread the world via English soldiers who had witnessed the masacre. The new "Potato Gun", as he called it, sold like hot cakes.
Potato guns are sometimes very small and stealthy and are sometimes very large and visible. Take the $1 gun for example. Small. Concealable. Yet lower quality than other competitors. Then, take the monster potato freakin cannon. If you make one of those for fun, you have no life. But still, they shoot entire potatos, unlike the small little one which shoots tiny little chunks. Nope. This thing sends ENTIRE potatoes a long way. A loooooonnnggg way. Some of these monster things are shaped likeRPG's and some like sniper rifles. The small ones, however, all appear the same. Nasty red on a dull black. How nasty can you freakin get!?! Come on! Ever heard of interior design? Freaks. Whoever picked the colors on the guns deserves to die. No wonder you can find those tiny things in dumpsters.
The potato gun has a wide variety of uses. Some include:
- Science Projects
- Suicidal Tools
- Hunting Tools
- Intimidating Object
- Fake Guitar for People with Musical Imagination(FGPMI)
- And More!
Potato guns have swept the nation giving people welts and blowing out their insides.
Never forget to wear a condom during sex! I mean don't forget to point your gun in a safe direction while using! Hehe... Well then! Let's move on, shall we?
Kyle and the Gun
Marvin and the Gun
Marvin: Dad, can I play with your Potato Gun?
Dad: Sure, son! Make sure to follow the rules of safe potato gun handling!
Marvin: Okie Dokie! This is great! I've always wanted to play with a gun that only works right when handled properly! I better make sur the safety's off! HAHAHAHA! Yeah! This is so fun! BANG Woohoo! This is really great when you don't injure yourself or blow off your hea--
Hehe... Well, it was inspirational until the blowing off the head part! Hehe... Well, let's get a move on, shall we?
The Rules of Safe Potato Gun Handling
Well, here we are. All of the safety instuctions. Ahh, Screw those! Let's get to them demonstration! Aha!
First of all, you need the gun. For those tiny guns, Just shove the tip into a potato and tear it out. There will be a bit of potato in it. Pull the tigger. Yay. It shot a foot! WOOHOO! And for the big ones, I'll just show you how to do it. OK, here we go! [Grunt] This thing is heavy. Well, anyway, here goes nothin!