Note: This article is about to get sued by Prince for 'copyright infrigment'. Get the fuck out of here, or buy Prince's new song, F.U.N.K. on 3121.com for only $31.21.
It is commonly known that prince married Sheena Easton and put about that he did'nt. He then put a bag over her head and locked her in his cupboard.
Prince can play 962 different instruments, and can blow a trumpet with his ass while blindfolded and filling out his tax return. He has written approximately 145,239 songs, most of which remain unreleased because they're shit. He has also written many songs for megastar artists such as Ingrid Chavez, Elisa Fiorillo and TC Ellis. He also performed euthanasia on the careers of George Clinton and Mavis Staples, which dramatically increased his fanbase in Switzerland. He had a band he called the Revolution that he enslaved for about 5 years and then he told them to take a hike because they were all taller than he was and Wendy and Lisa wouldn't let him in on the menage a trois anymore.
Prince is "loosely" based on Coronation Street lurve romeo, Dev Alahan. He shrinks approximately 4" a year due to global warming.
In Minneapolis, it is illegal to a) mention Prince's name without being a fully-equipped musician, and b) be a fully-equipped musician without filling every conversation with glowing references to Prince.
- 1 Prince proteges & band members
- 2 1-800-NEW-FUNK
- 3 Prince filmography
- 4 Prince concert tours
- 5 Records Prince Has Broken
- 6 People Prince has sued for Copyright Infrigement
- 7 Special Powers
- 8 Greatest hits
- 9 Prince's most commonly used chat-up lines
- 10 If He Was Your Girlfriend
- 11 See Also
Prince proteges & band members
Prince likes to screw with people's lives by promising them a career and then deserting them when they fail to do everything he says. Here is a partial list of his various associates:
- The Time - By the early eighties, Prince was such a multi-faceted personality that to display all the elements of his character, style and persona consistently on a day-to-day basis became completely impossible. To get around the problem, Prince recruited old schoolfriend Morris Day to front new group The Time; consequently the less cool, less feminine and less tasteful elements of Prince were all subsequently filtered through Morris. Therefore, Morris spent the next decade absorbing all the crude misogyny, over-the-top extroversion and bad fashion ideas that overflowed out the top of Prince's pretty little head. Among these included wearing Stacey Adams shoes that were twenty years out of date, wearing suits that tramps would have rejected as a gift because they were too garish, and making comedy bird noises. Morris Day dissolved his relationship with Prince in 1990, after Prince demanded Morris wear pants with an exposed ass, change his name to an unpronounceable symbol, and do a fashion shoot for Versace while wearing five factories worth of makeup. Fine, Prince said. He would do it all himself. He'd show that Morris who the real fool was! SQUAWK!!
- Vanity 6 - Prince originally wanted to name this band The Hookers, but lead singer Vanity refused. Prince then proposed the names The Sluts, The Semenslurpers, The Cum Receptacles, The Jizz Jockeys, The Placebo Weeks, The Cervixes, The Urethra Off-Ramps, The Dangerous Durfs, The Daterape Victims, The Most Beautiful Girls In The World and The Vibrators, but he discovered all of his proposed names were already taken by contemporary punk bands of the time. Tired and horny, he settled on the name Vanity 6, a name which combined the name of the band's lead singer with the highest number the band's lead singer could count up to. Prince soon kicked Vanity out after she began caring more about cocaine than about the finer things in life, like giving him head or watching him sit in the studio for 12 hours trying to get a synth riff right. Consequently Vanity 6 became Apollonia 6 with lead singer...well, I forget her name.
- Tommy Barbarella - This keyboardist was recruited during one of Prince's nostalgic moods, when he decided he would really really love to have a band member who looked like, and had the same taste in genders as, ex-band member Wendy Melvoin. He stamped his feet and sulked and had tantrums until someone brought him Tommy Barbarella, who fitted the requirements perfectly. Tommy also did things Wendy would never do, like be strapped to a harness and flung headfirst into a keyboard while thousands of people watched, or wear women's underwear.
- Tony M - Prince was always terrified of playing music with people who his audience might get confused with himself. For example, paranoia over Brownmark's very slight facial resemblance to him was the reason why Prince always made him stand away the hell at the back of the stage in the dark. And why, in 2005, he refused to do a duet with Anoushka Shankar. Anyway, in 1990 Prince was more paranoid than ever. How could he get someone in his band who no-one would ever in a million years get confused with himself? He considered what his defining qualities and characteristics had been throughout his life: short, pretty, in touch with his feminine side, articulate, intelligent, and musically talented. After a long search he found Tony M, who was very emphatically none of these things.
- Kirk Johnson - As talented as Prince was, he realized there were some elements of musical composition and performance he simply couldn't manage. He pointed this out to his manager at the time. "Oh OK Prince. So you want a classically trained violinist, maybe? A Japanese koto master? Sitar virtuoso?" Prince scoffed. "No, you idiot. I want someone who can teach me how to sample played-out Funkadelic breaks and who can teach me to program drum beats that sound like Color Me Badd B-sides." "Oh. Okay then."
- Levi Seacer Jr. - Around 1993-1995, Prince was into "shaking things up". Changing his name to a symbol remains the most well-known of his "shake-up" attempts. Another lesser known "shake-up" was inexplicably moving people to jobs they clearly were not at all suited for. Consequently, ridiculously talented guitarist Levi Seacer was moved to a desk job at his record label, while Mayte Garcia became a pop singer.
- Morris Hayes - effectively a farmboy version of Morris Day, this was Prince's attempt to bring saucy funk to Iowa and Kansas. Hayes wore tailored gingham dungarees with leather cowboy boots, and his biggest hits were "The Cow" (featuring the classic refrain "Moooooo...Boy-Howdy!") and "Chicken Run Love".
- John Blackwell - Drummer John has a unique style; in the space of any given bar of music, he either has to hit every single drum and cymbal he has at least once, or none of them. The world is patiently waiting for the day he swaps drumkits with the guy from Rush and all his arms fall off.
- Bobby Z - Reliable drummer Bobby retained links with Prince for many years after the Revolution broke up. However, their relationship came to a screeching halt when he visited Prince at home in the year 1999 and became deeply disturbed by his unpleasant behaviour. In response to Bobby's proposal to reform the Revolution for a one-off concert, Prince made several somewhat unreasonable demands : first of all, Wendy & Lisa would have to renounce their homosexuality. And also kiss each other one last time with tongues for Prince, just because he "kinda digs that whole dyke thing". Furthermore, the entire band would have to pledge allegiance to Jehovah, and buy five copies each of the latest Graham Central Station album, in that order. The entire band would have to go through six months of doing door-to-door delivery of pamphlets for the Jehovah's Witnesses organization. The lyrics of several Revolution songs would be changed: "Mountains" would be changed to "Fields" to prevent it being overly suggestive of breasts, "Girls & Boys" would be changed to "Boys > Girls (Coz Eve Ate The Apple)", "Darling Nikki" would be changed to "Darling Jehovah", and "Let's Pretend We're Married" would be changed to "Let's Just Pretend We're Divorced (For It Is Forbidden)". In addition, "Life Could Be So Nice" would be changed to "NPG Music Club Membership For $7.99 A Month Could Be So Nice". This meeting somewhat soured Bobby & Prince's relationship.
- Game Boyz - The Game Boyz were Prince's little friends who he liked to play Super Mario and Donkey Kong with, hence the name. They would sometimes come over to Prince's house for slumber parties, where they would play dress-up, give each other makeovers, and talk about boys they liked. Occasionally Susan Rogers would butt in with a plate of Rice Krispie Squares and a pitcher of Tang, and Prince would get all embarassed. He dumped the Game Boyz in 1992, because Nintendo was so over by then. His new gang he formed to replace them, the Sonic Hedgehogs, was comprised of three high-priced Minneapolis lawyers and Mayte.
- Carmen Electra - Carmen Electra was Prince's musical protege/sex partner in the early 1990s. Prince was so enamoured with her musical talent/sexual prowess he took her on tour with him as the opening act. Carmen's show of uptempo pop rap/big tits bombed at every single concert. Prince refused to believe it was her fault, and fired her band, replacing them with his own. She still bombed, so he fired that band too. She continued to bomb, and Prince decided it was the fault of the acoustics in the venues. He consequently ordered ten major European stadiums and concert arenas to be demolished, and then reconstructed in a way that would specifically cater to the acoustics of Carmen's feisty grooves/big tits. She still continued to bomb, and Prince decided the audience was the problem. He confiscated all the tickets from those who had already bought them and gave them to Carmen's family members, friends and her many illegitimate children. She still continued to bomb, and Prince decided it must be the moons of Jupiter shining in the eyes of Carmen and distracting her from her performance. He ordered NASA to send missiles to destroy all of Jupiter's moons, and all of Saturn's too just to be sure. She still continued to bomb. Prince then realized the reason Carmen Electra was bombing horribly at every show was because Carmen Electra had all the musical ability of a doorstop, and kicked her out.
The "Prince? That Skinny Motherfucker With The High Voice?" Hall Of Fame
Despite Prince's finely honed skills at pissing people off, stabbing them in the back or generally treating them like shit, it is in fact quite possible to maintain a long relationship with the man and still retain every single little bit of your dignity. Generally, to do so requires the associate to be three things: a) musically talented beyond belief, b) cooler than a freezer burn, and c) capable of treading the fine line between putting up with Prince's shit and not putting up with Prince's shit. The only three individuals to accomplish this so far are Sheila E, Rosie Gaines and Eric Leeds. Take a bow, ladies. Sheena Easton has also managed to stay on his good side, but never had any dignity to lose in the first place.
Hello. U Have Reached 1-800 New Funk. This Is The Automated Experience. Why Do U Want 2 Hurt Me? Do U Not Have Love4OneAnother? How Would U Like 2 Proceed? If U Would Like 2 Order "Crystal Ball" And Never Receive It, Press 1. If U Would Like 2 Order "Crystal Ball" With Limited Edition "The Truth" Bonus Disc And Never Receive It, Press 1. If U Would Like 2 Order "Crystal Ball" With Limited Edition "The Truth" Bonus Disc And Limited Edition "Kama sutra" Bonus Disc And Never Receive It, Press 1. If U Would Like 2 Order "Exodus" And Never Receive It, Press 1. If U Would Like 2 Order "Get Wild" Fragrance And Never Receive It, Press 1. If U Ordered Something Funky From 1-800-New-Funk Months Ago And Have Not Received The Item Yet, Press 2 And U Will B Transferred To 1 Of Our Funky Operators (Once They Get Back From Bootlegging The Artist's Outtakes That Is) Who Will Try To Stall U For Half An Hour Or So. If U Are From Uptown Magazine Or Are Running A Website, Press 666 As U Are Going 2 Hell Anyways. This Message Is Property Of Paisley Park Enterprises & NPG Records, Copyright 1996, All Rights Reserved. Peace & B Wild.
The Second Coming (1981)
In 1981, Prince was offered a small role in a star-studded film about the second coming of Christ, written by Ronald Reagan. Prince, however, demanded changes. He took the script and made many alterations, returning it a week later to the studio. The writers and director discovered he had replaced every occurrence in the script of the word "Jesus" with "Prince", switched his role to playing the main character (who was now of course called "Prince"), and given his old role of "Falafel Merchant #4" to Vanity. The studio rejected this idea, considering it blasphemous (the event mirrored an identical incident in 1958 when Jerry Lee Lewis became involved in a proposed biopic of the Prophet Mohammed).
Purple Rain (1984)
A sextape released in 1984, featuring Prince showering his semen (what he refers to as his "purple rain") all over Sheila E, Jill Jones and Apollonia (in that order). They also go skinny-dipping in Lake Minnetonka. The reasons for Prince's semen being purple in this video have been much debated by Prince fans; the general consensus is that it was due to an excessive consumption of blueberry flavor Slush Puppies.
Graffiti Bridge (1990)
There are two differing interpretations of this film among critics. One interpretation says it's the story of a idealistic but troubled boy who with the help of an angel goes on a search for his soul in a city full of deceit and lies. With Tevin Campbell. The other interpretation says it's the story of a idealistic but batshit-insane rock star who with the help of Warner Brothers goes on a search for a coherent plot in a Minneapolis recording complex full of washed-up 70s soul singers. With Tevin Campbell.
Prince concert tours
This tour consisted of Prince & Jerome Benton doing stand-up comedy in the style of Abbott & Costello. They appeared on stage backed only by Bobby Z, who was there solely to provide a "badum-TISH" after each one of their punchlines. The opening act was Lisa Coleman performing dykey stand-up in the style of Sandra Bernhard, whilst Wendy Melvoin fisted her with her left hand and played a continuous A-flat on a MicroKorg with her right. The tour was not well-received.
Sign Of The Times Tour
This legendary tour was widely acclaimed. Most fans loved it, though some remarked that it was even better if you filmed the show, went home, threw your concert footage in the trash, then reperformed and rerecorded the entire concert again on your own soundstage.
Around the time of the Lovesexy tour, Prince was undergoing spiritual rebirth. He had come to the realization, aided by his Christanity, that raw sex for the sake of sex was nothing as fulfilling as sex for the sake of true love and spirituality. Consequently, the Lovesexy show was divided into two sections, one half containing songs about sex for the sake of sex and the other containing more religious, mature material. The first half was the more religious, mature segment, featuring songs about meaningful one-on-one relationships ("Adore", "If I Had A Harem") as well as non-sexually related material ("Pop Life", "Housequake"). The second half was the dirty section, featuring songs about sex for the sake of sex ("Kiss") and songs about cunnilingus ("Alphabet Street"). The Lovesexy shows provided a remarkably coherent and sincere expression of Prince's spiritual and sexual beliefs at the time.
Prince was so strapped for cash in 1989 he decided to appeal to the lowest common denominator by doing a world tour completely butt-naked. Unfortunately with his high-energy stage show his not-insubstantial penis would swing around a hell of a lot as he performed. The total cost of the damage caused by Prince's uncontrollable schlong on the tour is estimated to be around $55 billion, causing the tour to make a total loss of $56 billion (making it his fifth least profitable tour ever). During a show in Cork, Ireland, Prince's flying johnson levelled three quarters of the entire city during "Housequake" alone. Tony M was also naked for the entire tour but he's hung like a gerbil and so caused no damage (unless you consider arousing Rosie Gaines to be damage).
Ultimate Live Experience Tour
This tour was plagued with problems for Prince. They included:
- The elaborate stage set was shaped like a big pussy. This wasn't a problem until the tour reached the East Coast of the US and started having sex with the Washington monument.
- The elaborate stage set was shaped like a big pussy. This wasn't a problem until once every 28 days when blood would gush out of it; motherfuckers would go to see Prince but get the fucking Shining instead.
- The elaborate stage set was shaped like a big pussy. This wasn't a problem until it had to be transported, in five separate trucks. One time one of the trucks got lost and separated from the rest, resulting in the amusing scene of Prince standing in a Stockholm street on his mobile phone, yelling "MY CLITORIS IS IN GOTHENBURG?!?!?".
- The elaborate stage set was shaped like a big pussy. The tour bus was filled with Amps and Pamprin.
- The elaborate stage set was shaped like a big pussy.
- Occasionally, Tommy Barbarella's keyboard (which when he pressed various keys would trigger various samples and loops) would malfunction. One time he tried to hit the button for the horn part in "Race" and somehow placed an order for a large ham & pineapple, garlic bread and a regular Coke at the local Domino's Pizza.
- Bono showed up and sung with Prince on one occasion.
Hit 'N' Run Tour
The fifth of the eleven tours on which Prince played his hits for the last time.
Haven't you ever gone to a show and thought "wow...this is good, but I really wish I was behind the singer, staring at his back! That would be exciting!" Well, lucky for you, Prince went about instigating a revolution in live performance with his Musicology tour, which was "in the round". This meant Prince performed in the center of the arena, surrounded by the audience, subsequently allowing a lucky 50% of the audience to look at his back for pretty much all of the show. Comic relief came with the acoustic segment where he sat down and whirled around on his own whim like a bored office worker in a desk chair.
Like a tour, except in the same city nightly. And the same venue nightly. And with the same set-list nightly. Still, you got a free CD and the opportunity to watch Brits drink themselves into a coma during the quieter songs, which is much more entertaining than watching yet another old-school funk jam. SOMEONE PASS THOSE GODDAMN PEAS ALREADY.
Records Prince Has Broken
While these things will never show up in any book (although we sincerely believe they should), Prince has broken a number of records. Some of these records can be read about below.
- Most positions in a one-night stand (23)
- Most scriptures in a one-night stand (23)
- Wears heels so high even the most professional prostitute would shudder
- Most metaphorical songs written by one person
- Only man to dress in a way that women can aspire to
- Most blatantly sexual songs written by one person
- Most use of the word "Motherfucker" in one song ever
- Least drugs taken by any rock star (why should he take drugs when eccentricity comes so naturally?)
- Most attempts ever to make a phrase "sexy" but have it come out really nasty-sounding
- Most comically filthy songs ever written by one person
- Becoming The World's Most Purple Guitar Playing Dwarf
- Longest wearing of one single jacket (see purple jacket worn from 1982 - 1985, nearly daily. Did he wash the thing?)
- Only man to mistake a curtain for an outfit
- Most different names composed entirely of ancient symbols which are impossible to remember of any musical artist
- First musical artist whose stagename was a title given to a member of the royal family in a monarchy. He beat out Queen, the band which became his archnemesis after he broke their record for the most attempts ever to maxe a phrase "sexy" but have it come out really nasty-sounding (see above). Unfortunately, the King missed the battle of titans occurring in his own royal family because he was busy faking his death. Some oracles have predicted that the arrival of the Princess will herald the downfall of this record, but us normal people know that the Princess is just a dirty whore.
- "Thriller" by Michael Jackson
- First man to make a love song sound like a sex song.
- Went longest time wearing purple (1980-present).
- Prince holds the record for someone taking on glimpse at him and instantly calling him gay (shortest time). The witness and Prince both claim that the witness looked at prince for a mere 0.013 nanoseconds before shouting out, "THAT MOTHERFUCKER'S GAY!"
- Holds the record for worst love song about a sportscar.
This is only a sampling of the records Prince has managed to break, and he broke them into little tiny pieces. I'm sure he intends to break more in the future.
People Prince has sued for Copyright Infrigement
- Michael Jackson, for copyright infringement on his DNA
- Santa's Little Helpers, for being two inches taller than him
- Elton John, for outranking him, as a Queen
- Prince Charles
- Led Zeppelin, for using the concept of unpronouncable symbols
- That guy for whistling 'When Doves Cry' on the nearby street corner
- Women, for ripping off his dressing style
- A guitarist who played an A note. Prince also paid an A note on a guitar, but ten years before that guy;
- Anyone who plays or ever has played the guitar, the mandolin, the theremin, the ukulele, the vibraphone, the sitar, the piano, the drum machine, the magnetic tape, the bass, the Hammond B-3 organ, the christmas tree, the dick, the crash cymbal, the ride cymbal, the snare drum, the kick drum, the mobile phone, poker, the Tubular Bells, the rusty bucket, the steel drums, the flute, the panpipe, the recorder, the trumpet, the flugelhorn, the double bass, the saxophone, the hi-hat, the lo-hat, the Azerbaijani Triple-Quintuple Anal Bagpipes, or spoons
- Himself, for speaking his own name
- You, for seeing his face for free
- His blood, for sharing genetic material with him
- The seven dwarves, for being as
shorttall as him
- Snow White was not sued because she's a dirty slut and has had sex with Prince the night before
- Stalin, for ripping off Prince's control freak/dictator attitude
- Napoleon, for ripping off his height
- Shakespeare, for ripping off his poetic gift
- Jimi Hendrix, for ripping off his awesome geetR skillz
- Radiohead, for when he played one of their songs live
- That dancing baby
- Insane people, for 'Going Crazy'
- Dancing old men
- Plainly, anyone who had danced once, who dances now, or who will dance once
- James Brown, Michael Jackson, Herbie Hancock, Sly Stone, George Clinton, Janet Jackson, Jamiroquai and Incognito for playing funk, which belongs to him;
- Miles Davis, John Coltrane, Eric Dolphy, Coleman Hawkins, Jimmy Smith, Ornette Coleman, The Dave Brubeck Quartet, Tito Puente, Charles Mingus, Thelonius Monk, Herbie Hancock, Grant Green, Tito Puente, Pat Metheny, Dexter Wansel, John McLaughlin, DEPHAZZ, Koop etc. for playing jazz, which belongs to him.
- Led Zeppelin, Jimi Hendrix, Pink Floyd, Van Der Graaf Generator, The Beatles, Metallica, Funkadelic etc. for playing rock, which belongs to him;
- Muse, Sonic Youth, The White Stripes, Arctic Monkeys and Franz Ferdinand for playing indie music, which belongs to him
- Paris Hilton, for being a whore
- Prince Poppycock, for stealing his name.
- Lady GaGa for ripping off his transvestite style.
- Justin Bieber for taking his high-pitched voice.
- Chris Brown for taking his high-pitched voice, and for abusing women, as Prince was the first definition of "women".
- Eminem. Because he was unable to sue Eminem for stealing one of his music styles - he sued him...
- Every radio station and concert in which his songs were played/performed.
- Every man or woman who kisses someone, as it rips off "Kiss".
Prince possesses many special powers, the most important being the power of hypnosis. If you meet him, do not look into his eyes, or at any of his jewelry, or anything else on him, for that matter (don't worry if this rule is hard to remember, Prince has many bodyguards on hand at all times who will be only too happy to remind you of it). For you see, the man has learned how to hypnotize people: you know those scenes in "Purple Rain" where he stares intently into space with wide eyes and a blank expression, saying nothing? You know, every scene he was in? Well, what Prince was doing was trying to hypnotize everyone else on the set. Over the years he's managed to hypnotize people with many things including his eyes, his chest hair, frightening prints on his clothing, or his music. While this hypnosis is a pleasant experience, we don't recommend it, as it will cause you to spend hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars on his albums, concert tickets, and memorabilia. Your obsession is just what he wants, and once you purchase these things, looking at, using, or listening to these items will only send you deeper into your hypnosis. The only cure for an obsession of this sort is to listen to a lot of Elvis Presley material, and really, who wants to do that?
- $69.69 (AIDS remix)
- Christopher Street Day Parade
- Diamonds and Pearls Before Swine
- Girls and Boys And Those Inbetween
- U D0n't Want 2 Suck My C0ck?!?
- The Legs of Orion
- Money Does Matter 2Nite (So I Just Fired My Horn Section)
- Nigga Sweat
- Let's Go Apeshit (Touch My Nuts)
- Purple Brain
- U Must B 2 Bad 2 Go 2 School
- Raspberry Sorbet
- Sexy Motherlover
- Th353 Numb3r 50ng5 Ar3 G3tt1ng 0ld
- Sign O' The Times New Roman
- Sometimes It Snows In Minneapolis (But It Usually Just Rains)
- The Third Most Beautiful Girl in the World
- Vandalized Bridge
- The Artist Currently Known as Prince
- C0ck in Da A$$ (featuring George Michael)
- Parsley Park
- Let's Pretend I Never Released Those Last Two Albums
- Pussy Outta' Control
- Paprika Girl
- Chive Dude
- Whipped Cream
- Dirty Behind
- Crystall Ball-Bags (45 Disc Set Of Unreleased Improvised Funk)
- Sex (Raw H. Ard & Dirty remix)
- Sex (Unreleased alternate versions #1-#2364)
- Sex (30-minute group jam)
- Sex (Wendy Carlos remix)
- How Come U Dont Stalk Me Anymore?
- I Love You in Me (Now I just Bit Through My Pillow)
- Don't Get it in my Hair This Time
- What's My Name?
- What's Your Name?
- Seriously, I don't remember...
- My Name Is Prince
- My Name Is The Artist Currently Known To Be Considering Changing His Name
- My Name Is Circle, Swirly Line, Cross, Arrow
- My Name Is The Artist Formerly Known As So How Are We Supposed To Refer To Him Now Then
- My Name Is The Artist Formerly Known As The Artist Formerly Known As The Artist Formerly Known As The Artist Formerly Known As The Artist Formerly Known As The Artist Formerly Known As The Artist Formerly Known As The Artist Formerly Known As The Artist Formerly Known As The Artist Formerly Known As Prince
- My Name Will Be Prince Again Soon
- Does Anyone Still Care What My Name Is?
- My Name Is What? My Name Is Who? My Name Is Chugga-Chugga-Chugga-Chugga-Chug Slim Shady
- What's In A Name? Free inside this week's Mail on Sunday!
- My Name Is Doorknocker.
- His Name Is Nobody Cares.
Prince's most commonly used chat-up lines
- "Move your big ass round this way so I can work on that zipper, baby."
- "I'm not saying this just to be nasty, but I sincerely want to fuck the taste out of your mouth."
- "If you don't wanna lick my knees, I'm sho' yo mama will."
- "I want to make you come...running."
- "I gots me some purple rain in my basket balls, baby!! OW!!"
- "I got wet dreams coming out of my ears."
- "Lets go back to my place and play some basketball."
- "I heard the rip when you sat down!"
- "See this here? This is called a Watchtower Magazine...."
If He Was Your Girlfriend
YOU: Hey baby. Why you keep leaving the light on in the bathroom? I told you not to do that, it wastes electricity.
PRINCE: <smirks smugly and stares straight ahead>
YOU: I mean all the fossil fuels on the earth are going to be gone by 2050 and shit, and you're leaving the bathroom light on for no reason. Turn it off when you leave the room, OK? Not hard.
PRINCE: <smirks smugly and stares straight ahead>
YOU: Look baby, I'm becoming concerned about the lack of communication in our relationship.
PRINCE: <smirks smugly and stares straight ahead>
YOU: All you seem to do is smirk smugly and stare straight ahead.
PRINCE: If you bought a coat, a beautiful fur coat, and you began to feel that whenever you put that coat on you were wearing the coat of the devil, would you still wear that coat, even though it was a beautiful coat?
YOU: What the fuck are you talking about?
PRINCE: <smirks smugly and stares straight ahead>
YOU: Look, I'm tired of your shit baby. You're rude, pompous, defensive, arrogant. You don't seem to care about our relationship at all.
PRINCE: <smirks smugly and stares straight ahead>
YOU: What do you want me to do?
PRINCE: Go get me a peanut butter and jelly sammich.
YOU: Fuck that! What do you want to do about our relationship?
PRINCE: Sounds to me like that's your problem, not mine.
PRINCE: <smirks smugly and stares straight ahead>
YOU: Alright, this is an ultimatum, baby. You tell me right now what you think we should do as regards our relationship. If you just smirk smugly and stare straight ahead, I'm leaving your ass right now. OK? So, tell me: what do you think we should do?
PRINCE: I don't know. What do you think Jesus would do in this situation?
YOU: What the FUCK are you TALKING ABOUT?
PRINCE: <smirks smugly and stares straight ahead>
- Prince - disambiguation
- prince.org a website dedicated to the hate of Prince.
- Hello World
- Genghis Khan
- Silent Bob
- List of things Prince has boinked
- PURE SEX
- Dwarfland - His place of birth. He was exiled from this land many years ago.
- The Artist formally known as the artist formally known as the artist formally known as Prince formally know as Jesus Christ
- Prince and the Revolution