Princeton

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Princeton is perhaps the most arrogant place in New Jersey. Its primary inhabitants are rich retirees, teenagers who wish they were rich, nerds affiliated with Princeton University, and a moderately-sized population of support staff to take care of the aforementioned groups and their massive egos. It is also home to the highest per capita rate of photogenic physicians in the country.

Princeton High School[edit]

A scene so normal it's on the Princeton High School home page.

WARNING: The following passage is based on lies, damn lies, and statistics.

Princeton High School has been cited by Milton Friedman as "the premier institution of administrative failure and Communist ideology in the country". When asked why the school was a hotbed of Communism, drug use, and contradictory administrative policies, Principal Gary Snyder responded only with an "AAAAAAIIIIEEEEEE!!!" as his legs kicked out from his high chair. The guidance department is staffed by illiterate zombies and is occasionally complemented by an oversized Venus Fly Trap named Ms. Siso. Students are required to submit to the power hungry Communist general Ms. Dinan and her Communist service regime in order to graduate. The trademark of a Princeton High School education is an obsession with parking spots, money, and inaction in the face of fire alarms. The school's current slogan is "Caring to pretend, pretending to care" and is reflected in the high rates of participation in pointless volunteer groups including "Save the Petunias on Nassau Street" and "Skin Care for the Homeless". Perhaps the only interesting parts of Princeton High School are the "secret" tunnels under the school which, according to legend, connect directly to the basement of Hoagie Haven. Certainly more care was spent on them than on the rest of the school's physical plant, which has undergone approximately $100,000,000 worth of shoddy renovations and repairs since 1896.

That Guy From Avenue Q[edit]

In the Broadway play Avenue Q, there is a guy named Princeton. He is the main character and was fresh out of college. It is believed, ironically, he did not go to Princeton.