Progress Quest

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search


When the great Grumdrig, may he ever be praised, looked out into the world of video games, he became dismayed. Before him lay a great wasteland of spoiled graphics, ruined storylines, fouled controls, uninteresting characters and bad games. He deliberated upon this vision for some time before arriving at the obvious conclusion, one that brought about, in its finale, the most sacred gem of programming merriment: Progress Quest and the realm now almost forgotten, Knoram.

After much work and much effort the early versions of Progress Quest emerged. New players flocked to the game, and were bewildered by its many features. The game itself is, by nature, a MMORPG. The game begins by allowing its player to choose his/her/its race and class. New options, never before heard of, become evident even at this stage. Some players choose to become double Wookiee tickle mimics, not knowing what it entails. Others find their calling in demi-Canadian slow poisoners or talking pony fighter/organists. Stats are then rolled.

The story unfolds with foreboding visions which encourage the player to venture out into the killing fields. The lure of the killing fields is great. Players make fewer and fewer trips back into town to sell off loot as they grow stronger, and players always return to the killing fields after selling the loot and negotiating for better equipment. There will always be more porn elementals to kill and more kobold penises to collect. There will always be more progress to make. Progress is eternal.

New realms have come to light as the years have passed. Expodrine, Spoltog, Oobag... but none are more hallowed than the realm of the old guard, Knoram. Characters may die the real death in that realm and be reincarnated in one of the new realms, but no new characters may enter Knoram without the grace of Grumdrig, may he ever be praised. The strongest compete against each other and against mighty beer golems for the top rank. Spellcasters brag of their ability to cast Infinite Confusion, bastard lunatics show off their mighty bandycleffs. But the future of Knoram is known: The Boojum Snark living through Prapar the Descentor (demi-canadian slow poisoner) will rise through the ranks and hold his true position as Champion of Knoram, beloved of Grumdrig, may he ever be praised!

Features[edit]

  • Unbeatable 3D graphics
  • Detailed leveling system
  • Thousands of skills and items
  • Amazing gameplay
  • Dane Cook
  • Quite the amzing time peice
  • Completly diferent pairs of gray bowling shoes
MMORPGs
Action 52 | AdventureQuest | Asheron's Call | City of Heroes | Eternal Lands | Final Fantasy XI | Internet (video game) | Kingdom of Loathing | Lord of the Rings Online | RuneScape | Star Trek Online | Tibia | UnQuest | World of Warcraft | World of Whorecraft
Future: War of Worldcraft | Animal Crossing III | Warhammer Online