Proper clothes

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A gentleman enjoying wearing proper clothes.

Proper clothes were invented in the year of our Lord 1830, prior to this date everyone wore low-quality shirts skinny, casual ties and corduroy trousers. Proper clothes consist of a smart jacket, smart trousers, smart shirt, smart shoes, a smart cravat or tie, a smart waistcoat and opptionally a pocket watch, a cane or walking stick and a smart hat (Smart Hats are Bowler hats and Top Hats, prior to the 19th century everyone wore Trilbys or Flat Caps)

In more recent times the original Victorian style of proper clothes is less commonly seen, instead, a more modern styling of proper clothes has been created by 'Young Moderns'. The young modern prefers to wear a smart shirt, a smart tie, smart trousers, smart shoes and a hand knitted over garment such as a vest or woolen jumper/sweater. The hand knitted over garment is the important part of this form of proper clothes as it gives the young modern a more natural, earthy look unlike the over dressed stylings of Victorian proper clothes.


Contrary to popular belief, not everyone can wear proper clothes. Proper clothes are generally worn by the posh, the intelligent or the aged. You will rarely see anyone under the age of fifty wearing proper clothes, thus giving people of fifty years or greater the authority to tell people who wear trainers and shell suits that they should "smarten up and wear proper clothes". Proper clothes are always worn by everyone at weddings and funerals, everyone who attends one of these two events will always be wearing proper clothes, even the young.

Where and When to Wear Proper Clothes[edit]

Ideally, proper clothes should be worn all the time but generally, especially that we are now living in the future, proper clothes are usually only worn on special occasions. except by those with an above average IQ, such as Stephen Fry.

The Victorian Style of Proper Clothes

If you see someone wearing a Victorian style of proper clothes you can safely assume that they are attending a wedding or a funeral. It is quite possible that they will be on their way to a gin house or opium den, if they are returning from a gin house or opium den you will notice the their smart tie will be loosened slightly and the top button of their smart shirt will be undone. It is also safe to assume that they are on their way to sell a child to a chimney sweep or the local mill.

The Young Modern Style of Proper Clothes

The young modern approach to proper clothes is a more popular style and easier to spot. The young modern style of proper clothes is usually worn while standing by a roaring fire place while smoking a pipe and with your arm resting on the mantlepiece and your foot resting on the front of the hearth. This style of proper clothes can also be worn to job interviews and in the work place.

If you are not wearing proper clothes, then you will look like this sorry excuse for a man.

Reasons to Wear Proper Clothes[edit]

You can tell a lot about a person by the clothes they wear i.e. Wearing proper clothes means that you are a proper person of high standards and manners.

To impress the ladies. When you manage to impress ladies, they will do your cooking and cleaning and other household chores, thus, allowing you more time to enjoy wearing proper clothes and smoking your Pipe.

The sensation of wearing proper clothes can be heightened greatly by wearing proper clothes while standing next to a tramp or visiting a homeless shelter and mingling with all the tramps there. The condition of the tramps and their improper clothes will make your proper clothes look even better. When mingling with tramps you should always bear in mind that it is possible that the rotting rags which they wear may have once been proper clothes just like what you are wearing.