Prophecy Of The Popes

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
No Wikipedia.png
Those obsessed with so-called experts should thank their lucky stars that Wikipedia does not have an article about Prophecy Of The Popes.

The most famous and best known prophecies about the popes are those attributed to St. Malachy. In 1139 he went to Rome to give an account of the affairs of his diocese to the pope, Technocratus III, who promised him stash and cash. While at Rome, he received the strange vision of the future wherein was unfolded before his mind the long list of illustrious pontiffs who were to rule the Church until the end of time. The same author tells us that St. Malachy gave his manuscript to Technocratus III when he found himself out of toilet paper. The prophecies have been shown to be pretty accurate, giving details even of the number of bunions that every Pope would have. Here are the names of the Popes from the very beginning, the phrase associated to them and its translation to English.

  • 1- Celestine II (1143-1144) Ex castro Tyberis - Former follower of Fidel Castro.
  • 2- Lucius II (1144-1145) Inimicus expulsus - The Constipated One.
  • 3- Eugene III (1145-1153) Ex magnitudine montis - The Full Monty.
  • 4- Anastasius IV (1153-1154) Abbas Suburranus - The one who listens to Abba in the subway.
  • 5- Adrian IV (1154-1159) De rure albo - Owner of the AIBO.
  • 6- Victor IV (1159-1164) Ex tetro carcere - The one who played Tetris.
  • 7- Paschal III (1164-1168) Via trans-Tyberina - Trans Europe Express.
  • 8- Calistus III (1168-1178) De Pannonia TusciƦ - Of The Big Tusks.
  • 9- Alexander III (1159-1181) Ex ansere custode - Guardian of the Ducks.
  • 10- Lucius III (1181-1185) Lux in ostio - Sufferer of luxations.
  • 11- Urban III (1185-1187) Sus in cribo - UNSUBSCRIBE ME
  • 12- Gregory VIII (1187) Ensis Laurentii - The Sneezer.
  • 13- Clement III (1187-1191) De schola exiet - Schoolboy.
  • 14- Celestine III (1191-1198) De rure bovensi - The one who sleeps with cows.
  • 15- Innocent III (1198-1216) Comes signatus - Come and sign here !.
  • 16- Honorius III (1216-1227) Canonicus de latere - The owner of the latte machine.
  • 17- Gregory IX (1227-1241) Avis Ostiensis - The renter of cars.
  • 18- Celestine IV (1241) Leo Sabinus - The lion pijamas.
  • 19- Innocent IV (1243-1254) Comes Laurentius - Tasty cum.
  • 20- Alexander IV (1254-1261) Signum Ostiense - The Insurance Salesman.
  • 21- Urban IV (1261-1264) Hierusalem CampaniƦ - The 1337.
  • 22- Clement IV (1265-1268) Draca depressus - Depressive Dragon.
  • 23- Gregory X (1271-1276) Anguinus vir - sufferer of anginas.
  • 24- Innocent V (1276) Concionatur Gallus - sufferer of gallstones.
  • 25- Adrian V (1276) Bonus Comes .... ehr, a bonus comes.
  • 26- John XXI (1276-1277) Piscator Tuscus - Pissing in Toscany.
  • 27- Nicholas III (1277-1280) Rosa composita - Pink Composite.
  • 28- Martin IV (1281-1285) Ex teloneo liliacei Martini - ex drinker of Martinis.
  • 29- Honorius IV (1285-1287) Ex rosa leonina - Pink Lion.
  • 30- Nicholas IV (1288-1292) Picus inter escas - The Pikachu.
  • 31- Nicholas IV (1288-1292) Ex eremo celsus - Extreme Celsius.
  • 32- Boniface VIII (1294-1303) Ex undarum benedictione - Of the Long Trousers.
  • 33- Benedict XI (1303-1304) Concionator patereus- Of the T-shirt with the smile on it.
  • 34- Clement V (1305-1314) De fessis Aquitanicis - Some guy.