Prototype (game)

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Box Artwork
Developer Clorox Corporation
Release Date 2009
Genre Classic Rock
Platforms Xbox 360, Microsoft Windows, iTunes
Rating R
Would Dracula play it? LOL

Prototype is a combat simulation test for new recruits into the marines. It quickly determines if the applicant has the necessary degree of badass to get a high score in the military. The simulation accomplishes this by creating an environment of extreme hostility and danger in which the player must survive against monsters, zombies, army tanks, helicopters, Bible Thumpers, hippies, and cars. The player is well equipped to handle this type of hostility by having the combined strengths of six different super heroes.


The protagonist of the game is a crystal meth dealer and car thief who just happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. An old man just happens to be carrying a vial of a super awesome formula, and walks past the player and is tripped by a sleeping hobo, causing him to lunge forward and smash the bottle of potion against the player's face. The player has no choice but to drink the formula, which subsequently turns him into the biggest badass ever.

Suddenly he realizes that he can run up walls, jump abnormally high, grow knives out of his arm, and perform the double reach-around. He also has the ability to see through clothes, which proved to be very useful. In short, it's Spider man's Venom with claws and more powerful. Naturally, the protagonist is very pissed off about these new awesome abilities, and vows to find the person who did this to him and get revenge or find the person who did this to him and get revenge or find the person who did this to him and get revenge or find the person who did this to him and get revenge.

Now the character must go around a full recreation of New York City (called Taxi City, due to all those taxis you see all around the city), flipping over tanks and cars, pushing people, searching the tops of every building for shiny blue and purple thingys, and eating the brains of every citizen until he finds the son of a bitch that did this to him.


Some have argued that Prototype copied elements from other popular games...we just don't see it here at Uncyclopedia

Once smashed in the face with the awesome 1337 juices, the player has an immense arsenal of abilities. He must navigate Taxi City on foot, killing helicopters and army tanks with a round house kick, and hijacking many vehicles. There are several not-so-well-known actions that can be taken in the game that will automatically earn you a spot in the US Army when done. Grabbing a bus full of students and throwing them in the Harbor is one of these actions. The rest I will leave this to you to figure it out. The game also has many bosses (see left), which are more tiring even than the ones in the Zelda series.

The player must complete "Missions" to progress the story-line. Some of these must be completed at night, and are referred to by the game as Nocturnal E-Missions. In each of these missions, the player must follow his radar to a point in the city. Later, the missions become much more complicated and the player must proceed to several additional points on the map before the mission is complete (like jumping on roofs and killing stuff). Even though this is a game used to train marines, it involves you having to kill, eat, and/or rape many other marines, this also includes killing, eating, and raping a different type of solider called Fagwatch. Eventually the difficulty ramps up to the point where the player is killing and raping (but not eating) angry fat versions of regular Fagwatch troopers.


You are practically hated by eveyone in prototype besides your sister and people hate you about 15% less at the end of the game, here are some common enemies that you can kill, eat, or rape.


Marines are the mega awesome soldiers that wear camo. They are so cool because they wear camo and have guns.


Reasons Unknown[edit]

There are reasons unknown why the reasons unknown try to kill you, but there are also reasons unknown why the reasons unknown are reasoned unknown, and there are also reasons unknown why the reasons unknown are reasonably unknownably called reasons unknown and there are reasons unknown why reasons unknown are even in Prototype.*public warning- stop reading this now, you just can't take the truth* But there are also reasons unknown why you are reading about reasons unknown and there are reasons unknown why Uncyclopedia or the universe exists. And why the hell...line cut by U.S. CIA for your own safety, have a nice day...


Just a bunch of assholes that run and scream every time you do something strange. They are fun to knock over when sprinting and if eaten, you can change to look like them, so you would be like Super Hooker, Super Fag, or Super Old Lawyer. They just walk around the city mindlessly and are not affected by the fact that you are loose in the city, as normal people would shut themselves in their houses.


They are the poor unfortunate citizens that were infected by the genital warts that have spread throughout the city. Though they have hideously disfigured faces and bodies, and the craving for human flesh, they still live normal lives. Many like to do recreational activities and sports such as human chasing, human beating, human eating, human killing, human raping, human infecting, human dating, and human marrying (which always ends up in a divorce and someone being eaten). They are hopelessly addicted to crystal meth, and as the main character (a badass crystal meth dealer) it is your job to sell as much until the infected get arrested or killed from use and possession of drugs.


Wait... why is there a subtopic on police? Those guys suck! They are rarely seen, and when you do see them, there are only 2 or 3 of them in a corner. They suck so much they use the only weapon in the game that you can't use, the pistol. The only reason they are there is to snitch to the marines and Blackwatch when they see you. The reason why you rarely see them is because they are at the infected strip clubs, and arresting any black male that is driving a car that costs more than $2.00.


The galactic solider that can use psychic fire abilities and are the only things that are cooler than you. They summon the power of the galactic armada and are under the service of the Grues and they follow Domo-Kun.


Hunters are your mom running naked around the city with no clothes, hair, genitals, or a face. They have the ability to rape thousands of people in a single moon. They are usually abducted by aliens and are butt probed 8 times a day and face probed 3 times a day. For fun they like playing Runescape and Yahtzee.

Critical Reception[edit]

A survey conducted in late July concluded that this is the greatest game in existence. Textual critics believe that this survey had taken place before the game was created. Most players commented that there was never a dull moment - until they played. Then they were too busy playing to talk. Or eat. Or do anything much at all. This game, which is compared to inFAMOUS a lot (who the fuck spells like that?), is way superior. GO BUY IT!

See also[edit]