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“I keep waiting for the Great Pumpkin on Halloween, and Santa on Christmas

“I do enjoy eating pumpkins”

~ Some unenlightened n00b named Peter.
Artist's rendering of a typical Triassic pumpkin. (Great with lime.)

Pumpkins are a latter form of extinct hyper-carnivoric plants. Pumpkins first appeared during during the Carnian age of the Late Triassic period (about 230 million years ago) and were among the many terrestrial carnivores from the Early Jurassic until the close of the Cretaceous period. The pumpkins indigenous properties appearing in gourds, squashes, and other genus's within the attack-fruit superphylum were its unique role as the sole food available to humans. Features of the pumpkin include its unusual tequila-like flavour and medicinal properties; properties which are believed to have helped humans evolve into what they have become.

Evolutionary history[edit]

Pictorial evidence!
Transitional Pumpkin
See? Completely the same. Shocking resemblance.
Evolved. There, I said it. Like you.

Unlike many other animals featured here at Uncyclopedia, pumpkins were not created by someone. They evolved (yes, I said it, you bastards).

What they evolved from is obvious. From the available fossil evidence they evolved from pickles. How they developed from cucumbers sealed in a jar with brine has been lost at this point.

Yellow in colour pre-history pumpkins were once mistooken for squashes, so they eventually developed an orange color that stood out. Now they know they screwed up because orange is the main color of Halloween, which is the main season where many pumpkins are cruelly murdered. Someday they plan on taking over all of mankind and making us their slaves. Someday. Soon. Someday soon. Really, really soon.


Pumpkins generally weigh 900–1800 lbs with the largest (of the species C. maxima) capable of reaching a weight of over 7500 lbs. The pumpkin varies greatly in shape, ranging from oblate through oblong. Pumpkin anatomy resembles a balloon dipped in orange paint filled with juice. (Triassic With sharp teeth, highly carnivorous, and feasting off everything it can find.) Although pumpkins are usually orange, continued evolution has shown some to be yellow, dark green, pale green, orange-yellow, white, yellow-orange, plaid, red and gray.


In popular culture[edit]

Defending oneself from a pumpkin can be quite shocking at times

Pumpkins are well-known for their roles as vicious and cunning killers from the 1990 novel Killer Pumpkins by Rabbi Stevenson and its 1993 film adaptation, directed by Steven Spielberg. The "pumpkins" portrayed in Killer Pumpkins, however, were modeled after a much smaller relative, the apple. The paleontologists in the film and the novel excavate a so-called pumpkin skeleton in Montana, far from the central Asian range of the pumpkin but well within the range of the apple.

Steven Spielberg may also have decreased the size of the film's pumpkins for believability reasons. Additionally, the forelimbs of the film animals differed in structure and posture from those of real pumpkins and their tails were too short and flexible, anatomical errors which directly contradict fossil evidence.

Pumpkins have thus become a ubiquitous representation of killer fruit in popular culture. It has been featured in numerous toy lines, animated films, video games and television series for children, along with several recent television documentaries.

See also[edit]

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