Punk Rock

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“No, really, we are punk rock. What do you mean we're emo? Fuck, man, don't be so mean...”

~ Blink 182 on Punk Rock

Punk rock was based off the ideal that three guitar chords played in rapid succession would be nice. However, punk rock quickly surpassed expectations during the 80's, back when some would argue that Green Day was still... well, moderately decent, and before Luficer spawned the wave of late 90s and early 00's "punk rock" - which was not, in fact, punk rock, but a bunch of boys bitching about girls and singing like girls. The evolution of this genre has been short, rapid, and more painful to watch than Bush's 2000 presidential run. We examine the former here.

It is common knowledge that [Ashton Kutcher] is and always will be the king of punk.

File:PG80 Cover.jpg
One of the many obscene adverts for this odd art(?) form.

The Origin[edit]

It is widely known that the genre known as "Punk Rock" was undisputably invented by blink 182../Punk Metal began began rather dubiously; it was formed by the members of the 80's rock music who thought that Metallica were pussies and had too many clean guitar solos. Thankfully, teen boys armed with heavy distortion and strangely awkward voices came to the rescue. With the arise of Slipknot, whose origins were rooted in punk rock, and Flogging Molly - who were preoccupied with rock and were actually too busy to every get around to flogging Molly - punk rock was born. A fusion between metal, classical music, and an obsession with drugs and sex, punk rock appealed to a generation of children who, like the kids in The Breakfast Club, thought they were much more abused and unloved then they actually were. Simply put? Punk rock appealed to a generation of pre-emo pussies who liked to feel sorry for themselves. Not to say the music was bad - people simply avoided it because of the people who liked it. The act of listening to punk rock was similar to "riding" the "town bicycle" - you only do it in an ally or in his/her (well, okay, her) bedroom while the parents are away.

Punk Rockers[edit]

Most punk rockers claim to hate fashion while simultaneously dressing punk. They express there individuality by dressing alike with professionaly done mohawks. They also claim to hate all corporations while playing gibson guitars through line 6 distortion through marshall stacked amps, smoking weed and eating name brand potato chips while drinking soda. Most punk rockers are often found ranting about the problems about the world but never do anything about it because they never pursue an occupation and instead choose to spend infinite amounts of time on their hair as they believe this will "Force the establishment to take notice" rather than dismissing them as teenagers with too much time on their hands. Often they also talk about hating people but beg for your spare change.

The Legacy[edit]

Punk rock has effected thousands of.. you know, what, who the fuck am I kidding? Only a few people in the entire world remember back when punk rock was actually good, and they only *remember* it as good; chances are that it SUCKED. So really, screw punk rock. Normal modern rock and metal should be enough. Till then...


List of Poser Punk Rock Musicians[edit]

blink 182

Lady Gaga

Green Day

The Offspring

Avril Lavigne

Good Charlotte

Linkin Park


Ashton Kutcher

daft punk

This Guy

Oscar Wilde


List of Punk Rock Musicians[edit]

Bad Religion




the Dead Kennedys

Blizzard Entertainment


The Misfits

The Bouncing Souls

The Clash

The Sex Pistols

Kim Jong Il