The Pussycat Dolls

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“We're like Destiny's Child - with all five members and I'm Beyoncé.”

~ Nicole Scherzinger on the Pussycat Dolls

“There is only ONE Pussycat Doll. The others are just optional extras in music videos.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Nicole Sherzinger

“Don't let the door hit you on the way out!”

~ Nicole Scherzinger on the Pussycat Dolls

“Nicole Scherzinger is the next Belinda Carlisle!”

~ Former 80s teenager who grew up with the Go-Gos on the Pussycat Dolls

“I wanna have groupies/boobies?”

~ Typical 12-year-old girl on the Pussycat Dolls
Four lesbians, oh and where is that stick going???.

The Pussycat Dolls (Spanish pronunciation: El Putacat Dolls) are a group of five gigantic dolls that look like demented cats. They write songs and dance like humans. Only one of them can actually sing. <--- Note: The person who wrote that was drunk at the time. Also note: This person is legally deaf in thirty-nine countries.

Their bodies[edit]

They like to brag about how curvy and sexy they are. In fact, one of the lines in their new song "I'm a whore! (That Is My Destiny)" is 'I'm a sexy mofo'. As The Pussycat Dolls are in fact part dinosaur, they choose to wear 1/4 the amount of clothes that humans do. Humans wear clothes, cats don't. If the world was kind, these cunts among cats wouldn't be able to show their clothes to the unsuspecting human world. We don't NEED to see every bit of flesh or their newest hair style, they can tell us they're chubby over and over but that doesn't change the fact - WE DON'T ACTUALLY CARE, OKAY? EAT SHIT AND DIE MOFOs! It's a pity The Pussycat Dolls are too busy eating pussy, but that's okay. We all love tanned dancers.

Where they all started[edit]

They started acting in cheap internet porn videos by giving guys good blowjobs and riding their dicks before they were famous. They could not sing and make their own lyrics as they were meth-addicts from the streets of LA. Celebrities such as Paris Hilton, and Your Mother started out in the same industry as The Pussycat Dolls. They were rumoured to accept tampons and pubic hair for their services.

Is it their own music?[edit]

The only songs they wrote themselves are "Barney's On Fire" and "I Pissed My Pants", which weren't released on any album because they were too fucking stupid. Among the writers of the rest of the album, you can find Elvis Presley, a Grue, Pete Wentz, Arnold Schwarzenegger, George W. Bush Senior and Buffy Anne Summers. Most of the songs are produced by an unknown producer, who calls himself Timbaland.

The story of the Dolls[edit]

Barbie and her friends all started their life in a toy store, in Los Angeles that sold nothing but blow up rubbers for mentally (and hormonally) challenged wanna be blacks.

They were bought by a twelve year old genius named Artemis Fowl. Artemis wanted to give them brains so that they steal gold for him, however Foaly got his hands on these and after finding out they didn't know a thing about the fairy sex life he gave them to Chix Verbil (a street rapist looking for a quicky).

Chix then found out they couldn't handle his "big gun" (How were they supposed to?! They're dolls!) and gave them to the music industry (because he didn't have a clue about what to do with them), who put them to good use making music videos for the brain-dead chavs of the nations of the Earth.

Barbie and her friends, were then transformed into cat dolls. Their music videos had to be edited, so that they looked human. They came up with the name Pussycat Dolls and continued their lives as a bunch of useless popstars.

But soon Barbie and her friends were accidentally broken. They were replaced by the Bratz dolls, who didn't last long either thanks to Chix extremely long, hard and powerful "tool of mass destruction".

How they got their name[edit]

Because they wanted to go international with their music, they decided that their name should consider of different languages.

  • "Pus" = "darling" in danish
  • "Sycat" = "We are" in Icelandic
  • "Do" = "fuck" in Vietnamese
  • "lls" = "Cool and hot, and don't you forget it!" in French

PCD, the STD[edit]

Thanks to all the girls living in close quarters, GHB, and reverse gang bangs a new STD was created and lovingly named after the group. Signs and symptoms of PCD include nausea, headaches, seizures (this could be dancings, the jury is still out), scabies, pinkeye, sore throat, anal leakage, violent vaginal discharge, loss of cerebral spinal fluid, paralysis, lactose intolerance, xenophobia, dyslexia, dandruff, uncontrollable dribbling, death and ingrowing toenails (plus the occasional loss of of 2 if not 3 of your testicles) and who can forget your belly button turning inside out.

PCD[edit]

Their first porn music album; note the imaginative title. The Dolls have released the songs "Don't Cha", "Don't Ya'll (Wish We Didn't Speak Like Britney Spears)" featuring Snoopy Dogg, and "Beep" (a song which doesn't have the title in its lyrics). They have also released a bunch of other songs including:

Track listing[edit]

  1. "Don't Cha (Wish Your Girlfriend Had Big Tits Like Me)" (New Mix)
  2. "Beep (Pussy, Boobs, Boobs, Boobs, Shit, Boobs, Boobs, Dick)" (look at the lyrics and that's what the beep stands for)
  3. "Wait a Minute (Did You Cum?)"
  4. "Stickinmypussy"
  5. "(Sex Me Up) Buttons"
  6. "I Don't Need (Ten) Men"
  7. "Hot Stuff (I Want Your Sex)"
  8. "How Many Sores, How Many Haemorrhoids"
  9. "Bite the Cock"
  10. "I Want It Right Now"
  11. "Tainted Pussy"/"Where Did My Dildo Go"
  12. "Sex Feels Good"

The original "Don't Cha" was not released on the album because Nicole wanted to be edgy and include a new mix. Remixes 3 through 53 were also not featured, but Nicole the Dolls will release a 13-disc album featuring all of them. Despite popular belief, "Don't Ya'll" is not a remake of "Don't Cha", but rather, Nicole's the Dolls' painstaking efforts in writing a new song (but still coming up with something very similar to the original anyway).

International bonus tracks[edit]

  1. "Slut"
  2. "Fuck"
  3. "I Went as Far Towards Orgasm as I Felt Like Going"
  4. "Don't Cha (Wish Your Tits Were as Huge as Mine)" (Live version)
  5. "Blowjob Queen"
  6. "Take Your Clothes Off Guys (Before We Take Them Off for You)"

Mobile ringtones and extra[edit]

Extra slutty for your phone.

  1. "He Always Answers 'Cos He Knows He's Gonna Get Some"
  2. "It's on Vibrate (But Guess Where It Is)"
  3. "Pussy Fun Message"
  4. PCD tits wallpaper

Doll Nicole Domination[edit]

OMFG another bloody album!? Yes, that's right. Before, Nicole had tried to deny her influence on the Dolls, but now, her influence domination was seen more than ever before. (Literally.)

Track listing[edit]

Eh... it was bound to happen.
  1. "When I Grow Up (I Wanna Be a Slut)"
  2. "Cherry Pop" (featuring some random Dogg)
  3. "Don't Hate Us Coz We're Rich (Hater)"
  4. "I Hate This Part of My Life"
  5. "Takin' Over the World, Pussy Style"
  6. "Out of This Pub" (featuring the child raper rapper R. Kelly)
  7. "Who's Gonna Love You (After My Trophy Wife Whore of a Mum?)"
  8. "Happily Ever After (In Our Mansions)" (featuring Paris Hilton and Jesus)
  9. "Our Success is Not Magic (Look at My Chest)"
  10. "This Song Called 'Halo' is Not Related to Beyonce's Song of the Same Name --PCD's Lawyer"
  11. "I'm Not a Bitch in Person"
  12. "Elevator Fuck"
  13. "Hush Hush (Pull My Pants Down)"
  14. "Love the Way You Love Me in Bed (And Elsewhere)"
  15. "Whatchamacallitadayandgetoveryourselfbecauseidontlikeyousostopstalkingmeyoustalker"
  16. "I'm Done with This Old Guy Who Only Wants to Fuck Me"

International bonus tracks[edit]

Due to their collective lack of imagination, all song titles have brackets.

  1. "Baby Love (OMGZ One of My Solo Songs!1!!!1 --Nicole)" (Let's Just Stick This Solo Nicole Scherzinger Song on Here and Hope No One Notices Remix)
  2. "Lights, Camera...Oh Shit I Forgot to Get Dressed (Oh Well)"
  3. "Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps (I'll Get Laid)"
  4. "When I Grow Up (I Wanna Be a Slut)" (Desperate Cash-in Mix)
  5. "A Galleon of Man Cum a Day (Keeps Me This Way)" (Orgy Remix)
  6. "What's This White Stuff (On My Face)"

Deluxe Edition Bonus Disc[edit]

Basically more of the Dolls' Nicole's shit.

  1. "If I Was a Man (This Isn't a Rip-Off of 'If I Were a Boy', We Swear, Please JUSTBUYOURALBUM)" (Introducing MILF Scherzinger)
  2. "Space is So Boring, When's Gossip Girl On?"
  3. "Don't Wanna Fall in Love (Because I'll Get Raped)"
  4. "Played You and Got Bored (Your Penis is Too Small)"
  5. "Until U Love U (I Already Love Myself, Love Nicole)"

Doll Nicole Domination 20[edit]

No, not 2.0, 20. (That's how many re-releases of this album there have been so far.) The Pussies have changed some of their song titles so you will be sucked into thinking they're new songs.

Track listing[edit]

Well I'm sure we can all guess who designed the cover art.
  1. "When I Grow Up (I Wanna Have Gorgeousm Large Titties)" (We're Still Sluts Remix)
  2. "I Hate This Part of My Life"
  3. "I'm a Ho! (That Is My Destiny)" (U. R. Stupid featuring Nicole and the other 4 who do nothing)
  4. "Hush Hush; Hush Hush; Hush Hush (I Nicole Get the Final Say)"
  5. "On Top of God (Literally)"
  6. "Hello (Do Me)"
  7. "Painted Win-- Oh Fuck It, This Album's Just to Promote 'I'm a Ho!'"
  8. "Cherry Cola Sugar Soda Pop (Shake Me)" (this version was too sucky to even get washed-up Dogg)
  9. "Takin' Ova Da Wurrld" (Our Foray Into Ebonics Remix)
  10. "We're Done... Not Really, as If We're Going to Quit (We're Going to Pretend We Get Along to Milk More Money Out of Your Sorry Asses)"

Doll Nicole Domination 3.0[edit]

Because whores can't count, 3.0 was released after 20. Doll Nicole Domination 3.0 was released after Nicole heard the other Dolls wanted to sing on more tracks on the re-re-release of the album, and she exercised her domination over the group and only released the album in Africa, knowing there would be no sales and no-one would hear the other girls' voices.

Like every other desperate singer and their record label does, the album just had to be re-released one more time just to hopefully suck the consumer in to buy their favourite artist's (yes, artist singular) album for one or two measly remixes. But this time, Nicole wanted to thank her fans and include more than just one or two remixes -- 9 remixes/reimaginations (not really) of shit that had already been released previously. Nicole also included her phone number with the album because she hasn't been getting any cock lately. This also explains her anger evident in the song titles because she was pressured into releasing another re-release of the album.

Track listing[edit]

Well more than four of the Seven Deadly Sins have been broken on this cover e.g Greed (Nicole).
  1. "When I Grow Up (I'll Maybe Think of Better Subtitles to Put on Songs to Make It Look Like They're Different Mixes)"
  2. "Pop My Bottle Top"
  3. "Whatcha Think About This Re-Release"
  4. "I Absolutely Fucking Hate This Part"
  5. "I'm Not Taking Over the World (Just the Pussycat Dolls)"
  6. "Hush the Fuck Up Already (An Ode to the Rest of the Pussycat Dolls' Protests)"
  7. "Out of This Club and Into My Pussy"
  8. "Who's (Not) Going to Love Me?"
  9. "Happily Never After (We Don't Know What Puns Are, This Song Title Was Made by Our Writers)"
  10. "The Way Our Menstrual Cycles Work Is Like Magic"
  11. "I'm a Ho! (That Is Still My Destiny)" (U. R. Stupid featuring Nicole and the other 4 who do nothing)
  12. "Halo (We Finally Got Given the All-Clear from Beyonce's Lawyers to Copy Her Song Have a Song with the Same Name as Hers)"
  13. "In Person (You Can See My Herpes)"
  14. "What the Fuck Is an Elevator?"
  15. "Should We Release 4.0?" (Extended Annoying Edit)
  16. "Love the Way You Gave Me Chlamydia"
  17. "iamnicoleandnowiwillsplitthepussycatdollssoicanbemoreofawhoreandgosolo" (Down A.K Mix)
  18. "Whores On the Loose" (featuring Snoop Dogg)
  19. "Hit Me Like That" (featuring Chris Brown and Rihanna)
  20. "How Can We Release Another Studio Album After This Mess of Bullshit? (Answer: If You Buy This Album We Will)"

Bonus tracks[edit]

Because Nicole and her label actually think people still want bonus tracks after 20 tracks of shit, two bonus tracks were tacked on for commercial viability. Little did they know, NO ONE GIVES A FUCK ANYMORE.

  1. "I Hate This Part" (Special 3.0 Remix)
  2. "Whatever You Like" (Nicole-only edit)

"Her Name Is Nicole (Solo album)"[edit]

It's Nicole's album which she's trying to release for like few years and probably will be [never] out. At first she tried to promote it with track named "Whatever U Fuck", it flopped so hard, so the album got shelved. Nicole was talking in every tabloid and in every interview that it's not over, she won't give up (too bad...).

Nicole announced last week that her album is gonna be released this year (miracle?) and the promoting single will be " Nobody Can Flop Harder Than Me".

Nicole also said last time in the interview that she got recorded few songs, which in her opinion are good, but she isn't sure yet will they be for new PCD album or her own, as she said: "it doesn't matter" - well in fact, she's sincere.

The Search for the Next Doll[edit]

Yes that's right, the five demented cat dolls are looking for another member. What kind of person would want to mutated into a freak? Those girls must be crazy! But fortunately only one of them will become the crazy cat doll.

Recent update[edit]

Shocking news, a girl has recently been declared too slutty to be a Pussycat Doll. The girl was voted off the series and is now facing the death sentence - for it should be illegal to be unleashed on the world if the sluttiest people alive (The Pussycat Dolls) have considered her too slutty.

Obviously the people on this show are actually looking for someone who doesn't look like a 'stripperella' and has a bit of class. Unfortunately, the Pussycat Dolls are lacking both of those qualities, in the near future we are expecting a mass gathering of their cds and music to be burned in one large bonfire. To rid the world of this evil.

Plans for another search for a new new member are set for the January. To save time and money, The CW network has suggested they hold "auditions" by driving a van down the red-light districts across America and anyone who approaches without open sores is automatically a finalist.