“Nothing is more aggravating than calmness, though a quadratic equation ranks a close second.”
Quadratic Equations are written in the form of . (The letter a can't be zero, because looks weird.) They are the bread and butter of the math world, with the butter of course being low fat. When graphed, a quadratic equation forms the shape of a banana. (see illustration)
Specifically, this geometric shape is a special type of bola called a parabola (see illustration); other types include hyperbola and ultrabola.
For a parabola, whereby the quadratic equation has a minimum value, the parabola is shaped like a 'U' and is said to be concave up. (see illustration)
When a quadratic equation has a maximum value, the parabola is shaped like ∩ and is said to be concave down. (stand on your head and look at illustration).
In extremely rare cases, the graph of a quadratic equation will produce an exact replica of a nude photo of Halle Berry. (Don't you wish we had an illustration?)
Although the exact date of discovery is unknown, quadratic equations were "discovered" in order for algebra teachers to have something to do.
Shortly after quadratic equations were discovered, someone realized these things had to be solved. After many centuries of painstaking research, someone realized that they had to be solved for 'x'.
In a first attempt, the Babylonians came up with the formula: X=
Granted, this was hardly groundbreaking, but it was a start.
Egyptian mathematicians eventually realized that the formula could be expanded into X=X. Yes, this had the advantages of being easy to memorize and even easier to use but it just wasn't going to help you pass that algebra test you have coming up this Friday.
The Greeks decided to put a fresh approach to this with their formula:
Y? I Don't Know - Third Base
Finally, it was the Romans who developed the Quadratic Formula:
-b ± √(bⅡ-Ⅳac)
x = —————————
Unfortunately, this formula was discovered in 476 AD, the same year in which the Roman Empire declined and fell. The quadratic equation would be lost for centuries leaving mathematicians devastated but left high school students cheering with delight. This was created in the U.S. State of Communist Texas.
Even Later Developments
Well, after 476, the Dark Ages began and mathematical advances were few and far between. There were the occasional brilliant flashes of mathematical insight. For example, during this time, the pencil box calculator was invented:
The invention of the Magic Slate also occurred during this time.
Still Even Later Developments
Well, the Dark Ages could last just so long and soon there was a cultural rebirth known as the Renaissance which lasted from the 14th through the 17th century. Just catching the end of the Renaissance was René Descartes (1596-1650), the French philosopher, mathematician and gynecologist to all the young cheerleaders in his neighborhood. (Well he said he had a degree in gynecology).
Descartes was famous for making the statement cogito ergo sum which when translated declares I'm rubber you're glue. That bounces off me and sticks to you.
Descartes rediscovered the Quadratic Formula and published his findings in "Soldier of Fortune" magazine. His version of the formula was very similar to that of the Romans:
-b ± √(bdeux- quatre ac)
x = —————————
“I wasn't playing Doom, I was graphing a very big quadratic, and it has consumed me the entire period.”
List of things you could be doing with your calculator right now (other than graphing a quadratic equation)
Altered Phoenix Altered Phoenix 2.0 Anarchy v1.4 Arcade Mario Brothers Asteroids Baseball '99 1.1 Blink 1.0 Block Dude 83 1.2 Bomberkids 1.0 Breakout 2.0 Bust-A-Move 1.61 Bytes 2.0 Cotton Picker 1.0 Crates 3D 1.1 Diablo 2 Diamonds 2.0 Dying Eyes 1.0 Elements 1.0 Fantasy World Trivia 1.01 Final Fantasy 1.2 Final Fantasy : The Second Saga 1.2 FrAWgGutS 1.0 Galaxian Hardcore Avalanche IceClimb 1.30 Insane(unfinished) Jezzball 2.0 Kareefa 1.0 Labyrinth 1.0 LandMine 2.0 Laser Mayhem 1.1 LIDS 1.1 Lode Runner v2 Lotus Turbo Challenge v1.0 Mario Death Match 1.0 Missile Command 83+ 1.0 Nibbles 1.0 Nukewarasm.zip Orbix 2.0 Orzunoid Pac-Man 99 PANIC 1.0 Phantom Phoenix 2.0 Phantom Star v.0.81 Phoenix 3.2 Phoenix 3.2 Phoenix III v. 0.31 Phoeniz Z v1.1 Picross 1.0 prgmBAD v3.0 Puyo Puyo 83+ Reversi (aka. Othello) 2.0 Shadow Phoenix 2 SkYRider Sokoban 1.0 Space Station Pheta SpaceWar 2.0 Squarez 1.0 Subhunt 1.3 Super Mario v1.2 Super Mario v2.0 Tetris Attack 83 1.0 TetrisJD TiNY CarZ Tunnel 2.0 Two-Color Pong 1.0 Beta Uncle Worm 1.1 Video Poker XBall 2.0 Yoshi 1.1 Z-Kart 1.0 Z-Kart 3D zDoom 0.12 ZMercury 0.34 ZTetris 1.0 3 Card Poker 3 Yahtzee Games A Dot RPG A Trivial Pursuit AAGames-5 in 1 AAGames2.1 Aardvark Attack: Hick Wars II Adventure (The Demo Version) Adventure Man Adventures Complete Aegis Arboes Age of Darkness 2 Age of Darkness v1 Age of Darkness: Revenge AgeofDarkness Air Hockey AL V: Being Al Albuquerque v1.5 Alley Dice Antfight APong Arena Arena 2 Armies of Rhun (demo 2) Armies of Rhun (demo) Army XP ARPG Artillery.zip ASpider / Pong Atron Baccarat basic Démineur Basic Fallup Basketball Battle Tower 2 (Update) Battle Tower v1.0 BattleTower 1.34 BattleTowerSE Beat the Meats! v1.1.2 Beowulf Chapter One: The Unifinished Tales Beowulf: Chapter One Higurashi no naku koro ni Billgame Billgame 2 Billy the Monkey's Adventure BINGO (Multiplayer) Black Jack v4.0 Black Jack 84 Black JAck Big Screen Black Jack Pro 83+ Black Jack v3.0 BlackJack BlakJak BlakJak Pro 2 BLASTER! Bob Sled v1.4 :: Olympics Bob's Text Game Bobgame XE BobGame2- The Sequel BobGame4 Bomber v1.0 Bomber v1.0 Box 1.0 Brick BRICK SE Brix! CalcStuf - 10 in 1 Game App Calculator Hero Card Battle RPG v1.0 Casino Catch! Cave Cheat Kamikaze v1.2 CheeseFiend v1.0 beta CK Pong College Life Contra 83 Crater 9 Demo Cromat! the RPG Cryptor: The Cryptoquip Creator Curse of the Dragon 2.5 Curse of the Dragon 2.A Darts DEAL OR NO DEAL Defend Your Castle der pate Designs Dice Game Diortem v.0.09 (Metroid Demo) Dots dreamworldpart3 Duck Hunting Exposition Duck Move Echoes Ender's Game Trailer Endless Descent Epic Escape!(shooter) Etch a Sketch Explorer Extreme Hobo Fall and Catch Falling Numbers Falling Pixel Fast Track 2 v1.0 Fast Track v1.0 Fate of Future Demo Fate RPG Fate RPG Fate RPG v1.1 Ferrari Racer Fighter Fighter2 Fightsim 3 Fightsim 3 *fixed* Final Fantasy: Magics End Final Fantasy: Tales of Magic 2 v.09 Final Fantasy: Tales of Magic v.1.4 Flash Flash Revolution : calc remix Flash Flash Revolution : calc remix 2 Flash Memory Fredgame 2: The Really Big Sequel Fredgame: The Bobgame Parody-type Thingy Free Pong Freindly conversation Frogger GADV GADX Game V1.1 Game V1.2 GamePak 1 George game GeorgeGame 2 Gloppy 1: Gloppy's game GouldenGamePak Guess So! Gunner v1.0 HackersX Hackerz Revolution 2.0 Hangman X83 Harry Potter Duels Hegemony: The Battle to Unite the Hundred Hick Island Escape Hick Test Hick Wars: A new Gun Hicktest 2 HickTest Expansion High and Low High or Low Hobo Quest holo ultimit war v1.2 How fast are you? I-Man beta 0.5 Illusiat Illusiat 10 Illusiat 11 Illusiat 12 Illusiat 2 Illusiat 2004 Illusiat 3 Illusiat 5 Illusiat 6 Illusiat 7 Illusiat 8 Illusiat 9 IMPERIAL Infinite Madness (IFM) Infinite Madness 2 invader 2.0 JACKPOT JcPak JcPak2 Jmstwn jpong v1.1 Jumpman V1.0 Kamikaze v4.0 KiloByte Games (Screenies by Merthsoft) Knight - Parts 1and 2 Lawrence the Tree Le règne des légendes Left Wall, version 0.01 lemonade Stand Let it Ride Life??? Lighthouse Lighting Lingo Lode Runner BASIC lonewars demo v1.1 Lucky Penny Lunch M1nd Hak3r5 (Mind Hackers) Magic 8 Ball Magic 8 Ball Magic 8 Ball Magic 8 Ball & Guess Mailman Malfunction Mana Force Mana Force 2 Mario Party Marry Zelda Marry Zelda 1.5 MatrixPack MatrixRPG Mayor Maze Pack 1.1 Maze Runner 3 megaman sub zero starer kit Megatron Metabolism Meteor Lander Metroid II: Evolution Metroid Pure Metroid v1.1 mikelife.8xp Mine Sweep Mine Sweep 2 Mine-Sweeper MX2 MINE3 minefield Minequest Minesweeper GreyScale Mini Snake Minigames V1.0 Minigolf Missle Defense v1.0 Money Monster Battle Monster Battle 2 Moves Pack Mr. Bill's Bad Day Out MRYZLDA Muncher Mystique: La Larme Du Dragon N.Snake & Lines Package Name Generator Name That Body Part! Nascar Trivia NeoBlackJack NeoBoxing NeoPack NeoRPG Nib-83 Nibbles nukewar.zip Omnimaga Pack (25 games in 1) Omnimaga Pack Silver Edition (5 games in 1) Operation N Overload PacMan PAPACYVB Paper Football Paranoia Party Guy 2 Patience Pig Farker v3.2 Advanced Pirate hunter Plasma-man Pokemon Purple Pokemon Red early Alpha version Pokemon vs Digimon v1.1 Poker v3.1 Pong PONG 2p Pong 940 PongFree 2.7 (LJPFv2.7F) prgmBOREDOM PrgmJoke Punk Quest Lowercase 1.1 Punk Quest v. 1.1 Quest2 : The Mage Saga Racer X RacerX 2 RADLIBS Realms of Time Reuben Quest: Ev Awakening Reuben Quest: The Lost Mirror Road Trip Rock Paper Scissors Rock Paper Scissors: Xtreme Rock, Paper, Scissors to death! v1.0 RPG RPG Demo RPG Quest RPGGOULD v1.00 beta RPS RPSS Runner Russian Roulette Safe Cracker by Xiphoid Quail School Survival v.1.0 School Survival: The Adventure Continues Sharp Shooter Shooter Battle Sliding Puzzle SLot machine Slots V.1.2 Snails Races v1.0 Snake Snake Death snake maze Snake v2.0 Snake v3h Stable Beta 4 Snake v5.0 Snake-Tron1.7 Sniper SNWCRFT South Park - Kenny's game v1.0 South Park v1.1 Space Invaders Speedlines v1.2 (by Jesko Roos) SSX Star Dodger Star Dust v1.2 Star Pong Star Wars StarCraft xLib terran version Starcraft xLib with Protoss AI StarKiller startrek.zip StarWars Steinz the Game (Gold v6) Steinz the Game vChrome#3 Steinz the Game vLite#5 Stick RPG Stone Thrower Street StreetracerGT Sudoku Sudoku by MDR Falcon Super Mario Smash Dance Super Pong Sword of the Dragon Tandem Blox Target Shoot v1 Text Pong 83+ The Classroom v1.0 The Expedition The Joe Game The Journey The Legend Of Zelda: Dark Link Quest (TI-Connect Fix) The Osculator The Random Crapper The Reign of Legends The Reign of Legends 2 The Reign of Legends 3 The Runaway The Speedy Potato Theta Fourteen Battle Engine Demo 4a Thy Dungeonman TI game maker x TI-City TI-Fighter TIE fighter Battle alpha version Tikaro Fightmaster v1.0 TimeTrials Timmy School Timmy1 Timmy2 Timmy3 Timmy3 Timmy4 TOIPT Tree Fighters! v.1.0 Tron TRPT v0.9 Typer Shark Ultimate Button Masher Ultimate Hangman UTBETA V Factor Video Poker Vufen v0.8.2.75 War the Card Game Warm and Cold Warstory Whack A Mole v1.2 Whack an R Whammy! Wierd Snake v1.0 Win Shauna Worms Xero Xcape I xLIB xLIB Revolution v.1.4 You're It 83-84 BASIC Your Life simulator
Just to name a few