Quantum cheddardynamics

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Quantum Cheddardynamics (QCD) is the physical theory describing the fundamental flavours and methods via which The 12 Fundamental Cheeses and 3 Noble Cheeses interact with and manipulate upon the universe, and is one of the founding concepts of String Theory. It prohibits a composite particle containing quarks that have incompatible flavors and colors (i.e., those combinations which tend to make the Baby Jesus barf, such as chartreuse antichocolate) and as a result prevents the universe from becoming a senseless mish-mash of tastes, maintaining order. Theoretical workings that appear to violate the strict laws of Quantum Cheddardynamics can be assumed to be incorrect as the laws of QCD must be adhered to at every instance.

QCD is not to be confused with the competing theory of Quantum Murphydynamics (QMD).


The First Law[edit]

All particles have a taste

This can either be a good or a bad taste. An example of the former would be cheese and tomato pizza. An example of the latter would be vanilla and cheese crisps. There are particles that could otherwise theoretically exist if it were not for this first law of QCD - i.e. these particles have no taste; these particles have been hypothesised to be the main constituent of giant space-faring animals and as a result these clearly cannot exist. This, along with the conflict with general relativity was the reason that Stephen Hawking's 1973 theory of infinite cosmological turtles was scrapped.

The Second Law[edit]

Tastes include abstract concepts

These may include, for example, truth, beauty, and Teen Spirit; while these are not traditional 'tastes' they nonetheless make up a vital consituent of QCD. They can be manipulated and under the correct conditions may also decay into each other, releasing waste particles. One example decay is when the critical mass of ugliness decays into a microhelen of beauty, releasing ten joules of energy and one anti-sweetener neutrino in the process.

The Third Law[edit]

The lower physical limit

In the conventional world, if a spread is spread too thinly over too wide an area, it ceases to be noticed. Along the same lines, if any matter is spread too thinly, then the taste ceases to exist, and the matter winks out of existence. This discovery has lead to a controversial line of research in the fast food industry where in a bid to increase their profit margins, they are researching methods of making products thinner than ever before. While initial research has proved inconclusive, physicists would be astounded if the third law of Quantum Cheddardynamics was ever broken.

While the lower limit on the thickness of matter varies depending on the particular tastes involved and the conditions that the matter is under, it is generally around the thickness of an electron.

See Also[edit]