Question Authority

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Staff cars of the Question Authority are clearly labeled, dispelling the usual fears of civil libertarians.

The Question Authority is an agency of the United States government, organized within the federal Department of Utterances. The Question Authority has general responsibility for all questions asked and answered in the United States, including its territories and possessions. Notably, when customs agents of the Department of Homeland Security interrogate persons wishing to enter the U.S., they do so through questions vetted by the Question Authority.

Constitutional basis[edit]

The Fourth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution protects Americans "against unreasonable searches and seizures." It would seem, then, that the government would need a "reasonable" basis to ask anyone any question at all. Well, Buster, "it would seem" wrong! There is ample precedent for the government to ask a wide variety of questions, including:

  • Have you bought health insurance that pays the full cost of smoking cessation counseling?
  • Are you the nigger who robbed the gas station, or do you just look like him?
  • May I rummage through the trunk of your car, or do you feel like waiting here for three hours for me to get a warrant?
  • What was that noise? Did you hear that?
For those without comedic tastes, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia think they have an article about Question Authority.

Ensuring that such federal questions conform to a gigantic rulebook promulgated by the Question Authority is as natural an outgrowth of government as it is to ensure that each Interstate has fences to prevent jumping off bridges, sound barriers to facilitate vandalism, and sculptures to show our Support for the Arts. And it "employs" almost as many people.


Director Clinton is shown here in disguise to avoid questions, which the Question Authority would then have to categorize.

Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton went on to manage the Question Authority. She was a natural for the job, asking all the right questions in that dust-up in Benghazi on the eve of a Presidential election, which enabled the federal government to focus its full attention on the threat to Mideast peace posed by YouTube.


The Question Authority introduced a line of patriotic t-shirts in 2005.

Still, the concept of a Question Authority goes against the grain of a handful of nitpicky sticklers for the Rule of Law. For this reason, the Authority produces a broad line of apparel and other promotional materials. These materials (only the uncouth would call them propaganda) have even notorious anti-establishment Americans calling out the name of the Question Authority.

Opponents remain, however, writing cryptic Letters to the Editor in their hallmark green ink and seeing black helicopters everywhere. The patriotic citizen does not ask these ranters for details. He leaves them to the Question Authority.


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