R:BASE

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R:BASE (or RBASE) was the first reusable database program for the PC. Created by a group highly educated, but violent cave men in the early cretaceous, R:BASE was the first database program that allowed you to use your data more than once. Subsequent access was dependent upon your license agreement.

R:BASE was derived from an older mainframe database called RIM (Random Information Mangler) which was developed at Boeing Computer Service and was thought to be responsible for the failure of 2 NASA missions, the Iraq War, and the emergence of Rap music.

R:BASE was one of the first technologies to tout a for "4GL language", a feature that sounds great, but sucks in reality. R:BASE wields massive revenue generation capabilities for small to mid-sized computer support firms by:

  • Scrambling your database every time a client is unexpectedly disconnected
  • Mysterious remapping of error messages to the actual cause of failure
  • Permanent locking of the database file upon any failure, even after restarting Windows!

In the late cretaceous, R:BASE Technologies, Inc. was acquired by a large Tyrannosaurus Rex in a single sitting. It was reported that the poor creature later had indigestion and failed to properly process it's data for the remainder of it's lifetime.