RFID

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This isn't an RFID. For future reference, remember that an RFID doesn't look like this, and you'll be fine.

A Really Friggin' Idiotic Decree tag, or RFID is a device from the possibly distant future whose applications are not fully understood. Scientists and pharmacists are hard at work trying to pinpoint precisely when RFIDs made it to our timeline. So far the best guesses have come from old Star Trek: Voyager reruns, and consist of tales of holograms, the 29th century, and something to do with the deflector dish.

Origins[edit]

RFIDs are believed to be used by Sweetcrap Fairies in the soul extraction phase of their lives. Great rewards are often paid to any man brave enough to capture a Sweetcrap Fairy while they are making use of the RFIDs, but because the capturing process involves self-induced scurvy and the writing of a Nora Roberts novel, so the capture process is not very popular.

Future Applications[edit]

Someday in the future, or more likely someday the past, RFIDs will find (have found) their most useful applications in the world of retail. This is because RFIDs not only do your shopping for you, they also calculate the total cost of everything, do your taxes, and refinance your home for you, too! Stores like them because they also make the clerks feel as though they aren't wasting their lives working there. The way this is accomplished is by killing the clerks, but the managers never have to hear complaints.

Also, RFIDs will become the dreaded Mark of the Beast when placed in your forehead or right hand according to some. It will allow Satan/The Government/The Man to know where you are and how much you spend all of the time. According to Aaron Russo, who produced the documentary Freedom to Fascism, national ID cards are going to be required by the US government in the year 2008 in the month of May. He said that the national ID card may even be your driver's license.

One last thing about RFIDs: The implications of allowing a powerful network of small robot chips to take over our lives is not very well understood, but most clusterfuck technophiles agree that nothing could go wrong at all.

Mark of the Beast[edit]

All RFID chips carry the mark of the beast, regardless of their actual contents. This can be determined by the following mathematical formula:

RFID data*0+666=666

Regardless of what the data originally was! This indicates that RFIDs are the work of Satan and/or Oprah

Warning[edit]

RFID does not cause cancer. I repeat, it does NOT cause cancer. So for those suicidal many of you who want cancer, I'm sorry, but you'll just have to use something else, like maybe get a bar code tattooed on your kidney.. DAMN YOU, RFID!!!!