RSPCA

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The RSCA handbook, 'Noose or Lead?'

The Royal Society for the Perpetual Cruelty to Animals, known as the RSPCA, is a charity in England, Wales, and Australia dedicated to animals, and the abuse of such animals, many people liken the RSPCA to the PDSA, many of these people have turned up in canals, mostly in sacks weighed down by kittens. The RSPCA have championed many causes over time including Kitten Huffing, Hedgehog Bowling, and the musical career of the Crazy Frog. It is commonly believed that the group was originally the SPCA (the Socialist Party Cruelty to Animals Division) formed by Richard Martin MP (who would thereby earn the nickname Humanity Dick-Head), William Wilberforce MP and the Reverend Arthur Broome (born Amanda Broom-Uperass), But archaeological evidence shows that it was infact mainly Racidal Romans who invented the idea of cruelty to animals, mostly to rebel against the common fealing of conservative society that fluffy wuffy bunnies were good things to be paraded in the 100% animal friendly Coliseum, and also because they were retards.

Foundation of the RSPCA[edit]

Though commonly attributed to Richard Martin, William Wilberforce and Arthur Broome, many theologians and Popes believe that cruelty to animals was begun by Jesus as an outlet for his rage he inherited from God, many others think it was God who invented cruelty to animals, just look at the Platypus. The Story goes that Richard Martin and William Wilberforce were slightly tipsy in a park and not noticing the "Do Not Feed The Birds" sign they proceeded to throw the remnants of there Subway sandwich into the pond. Once sober they realised what what they had done, and more importantly that they had enjoyed it, they now had the thirst for animal cruelty and recruted there local priest, Reverand Arthur Broom, who subsiquently found many bible passages supporting such cruelty.

They soon realised that throwing rocks at dogs was all very well but they wanted to feed laxative to pigeons and tie up sacks of kittens with pretty bows, they realised they needed a patron, followers and cash, and lots of it. The group assembled at the "Old Slaughters" Coffee House in London to create a society with the will and authority to enforce the concept of animal cruelty. The SPCA, the first anti-animal welfare society in any country was thus born and was granted its royal status by Queen Victoria in 1840.

Fundraising[edit]

In the words of Bob Marleys 1983 hit 'Buffalo Death Squad': "Animal Cruelty Costalotta", In order to raise money the RSPCA have started a campaign of ceaseless terror against those with spare change, you may often see there campaign posters in major hamlets and small villages with the popular slogan "Pay Up And The Kittens Get It". Old people are the most likely to donate as they are easily worn down by scare tactics, a popular line is "If Parrots Can Talk, They Can Organise"

As of 2005 the RSPCA has raised -£1.99, an unrelated fact is that collection buckets cost £1.99.

In 1999 it was suggested that an RSPCA tax of 21% on Gross Annual Losses should be introduced, this proved unpopular as it is a common fact that "You have to be cruel to be kind" and many did want not there hard earned monopoly money inadvertently funding acts of animal kindness.

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Activities[edit]

The RSPCA have an official website (they stole this web from an unsuspecting spider in an unparalleled act of animal cruelty) on this website they enjoy:

  • Posting pictures and videos of underage animals
  • Posting pictures and videos of acts of animal cruelty
  • Updating their calender, noting TV programs not to miss
  • Updating their calender, noting TV programs to miss
  • Harrasing Emo's (falsly believing they are a subspecies of the Emu)
  • Pressing CTRL-R to refresh their browser in the hope of Myspace comments

Outside of the Web they also enjoy: