Racial profiling

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Home | Browse | Search | Invite | Film | Mail | Blog | Forum | Groups | Events | Videos | Music | Classifieds
You have New messages myspace.PNG (diff to penultimate friend request from someone you don't know).
These dogs have been trained in racial profiling

“What colour is your daddy and what does he do?.”

~ Detective John Kimble

“I am pro-racial profiling. But I am anti-sexuality profiling. *Cough* *Cough* John Douglas, 9th Marquess of Queensberry *Cough* *Cough*.

~ Oscar Wilde on Racial profiling

“Racialprofiling.com doesn't care about black people.”

~ Kanye West on Racial profiling

Racialprofiling.com is a website similar to MySpace, with the exception that it is intentionally designed for minorities, primarily blacks, muslims, and hispanics.

Racialprofiling.com is proudly owned and operated by the NSA.


Tom Anderson, a.k.a. Uncle Tom, official mascot of Racialprofiling.com. He is joined by his buddies, Touma Ahmadi and Tomás Andueza.

In 2003, MySpace was founded, in secret, by the NSA for racial profiling; that is, a place for peoples of many diverse races[1] to come together over the wondrous internet and set up "profiles" for other users to observe and make careful note of. However, myspace did not work well for the NSA because, as soon as you could say "warrantless surveillance", 14-year old emo girls and their 60-year old mates soon flocked to this new, exciting internet playground. While this did aid the NSA in catching a few rogue pedophilic snatcher-men, it didn't last long, as those child-touching weirdos are a crafty bunch. "I admit, they're pretty sneaky," stated Lt. General Keith B. Alexander, 16th and current director of the NSA, "They hide amongst the shadows of the outer tubes of the interwebs. But we'll find them".

Shortly after this, the NSA quickly drew up blueprints for a second, better, and more nigger-filled website. Originally conceived as "MyNority", the name was soon changed to the one it goes by today.

Future Plans[edit]

Rumors have been spreading since Racialprofiling.com began that the NSA would create a spin-off website. Keith B. Alexander has stated that, should a similar website be made, it would be called "Gaycialprofiling.com", and that the only reason it hasn't already made was the fact that it hasn't yet been greenlit by congress due to "constitutional difficulties". When asked if the same "constitutional difficulties" affected Racialprofiling.com, Keith stated "No more questions".

A short independent film, The Racialprofiling.com Movie, is in production by Vendetta Studios and David Lehre Productions and is set to be released on Youtube.

KKK-Harmony.com (available on youtube)[edit]

[url= http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKbXJ7V0cJ0] Now white singles have a special romance site of their own: KKK-Harmony.com. Guaranteed to find you the WHITE match or you're money back (no questions asked, please don't lynch us). Only pure-blood White, Christians and straights can apply, we shall genetically test you for any Negroid or Jewish ancestry.


A friendly cop telling a young child about the benefits of Racialprofiling.com.

Racialprofiling.com features many features, most of which are similar to features on MySpace.

User Profiles[edit]

Without profiles, Racialprofiling.com would just be Racial.com. Each user gets their own profile, which they can customize with HTML. However, it is a little-known fact that the average black or Hispanic person knows little to no HTML[2], so results are often messy[3].


Ah, yes. Comments. People go mad over the number of comments they have, and 25% of current Racialprofiling.com users claim that Comments are more addicting then heroin, and that they knew from personal experience, and that they admit to trafficking drugs[4]. The number of comments one has received has been said to correlate to penis size. And yes, because you thought that one perverse thought, the same applies to females. While comments aren't necessarily a big concern for black people, who receive tons of them automatically, other races have to really keep it up (no pun intended) to prove that they are manly men.

Example of a comment on a social network, one for interracial love:

From: SexiMujereColombiana

Subject: LatinaF4GringoM

Hola, Como Esta? Yo soy la solitera, 18 anos, muy la bella y calienta ;-)

From: RedneckWiteTrashBlucoller

Subject: Re: Hola, Como Esta?

You're an illegal immigrant. Speak English. Or better yet, go back to Mexico.


Like MySpace, Racialprofiling.com has bulletins that can be sent out to all of the user's friends. MySpace bulletins live about a week, then are devoured relentlessly and regardless of quality[5] into The Eternal Tongue of The Great Wolf of Death and Oblivion[6]. Also like MySpace, there are two main subtypes of bulletin: chain bulletins and "comment my picture!" bulletins. Originally, circa late 2005, chain bulletins had some sort of originality (ex. "WHAT COLOR SKITTEL ARE U???"[7], which required someone to choose what color skittle they were). But that died around the time of the infamous "Just Repost the Bulletin, Damn It!" bulletin, which killed the true masterpieces of bulletinship with its mass word-of-mouth marketability.

Not all races look alike, here's a sample of the Japanese girl racial profiling list (actually from a mail-order bride catalog for lonely old white men.


Groups are a chance for members to socialize with people within their own particular tastes, religion, skin color, etc. This is not discrimination, this is just bias. Because most people are too lazy to actually check if a certain group has been made yet, there are about 1,000 groups entitled "tru al-Q playas"[8] and nearly 10,000,000 Crips groups, about 5x as many as there are actual members of Racialprofiling.com. This leads to endlessly tedious "gang civil wars" in the forums. Sample dialogue from a typical crip fight:

 ~hyphy~:y'alls niggas aint no tru crips
 RIP Mac Dre: lol....talk about a dumb fucc and watch u gonna write bkacc say'n fucc u or sum shyt
   lyke dat ni66a quicc try'n to act hard on da net shyt its fucc'n dumbk

At this point in an argument like this, typically, someone is shot nine times. That, or they switch to "yo mama" and/or "yo face" jokes, and the discussion slowly, painfully, and inevitably dies without much notice. As for the Al-Qaeda groups, most are typically put "under maintenance" by the NSA, and then disappear the next day.


  1. Excluding whites, for obvious reasons.
  2. Not to mention they don't exactly have a College degree in website layout, but that applies to most white people on MySpace, too.
  3. Meanwhile, the Muslims are either busy hacking the Pentagon's database or taking your job in Programming/Engineering.
  4. The day after the survey was conducted a quarter of Racialprofiling.com users disappeared were misplaced.
  5. Not that there ever is any quality, though.
  6. Figuratively.
  7. Choices being black, brown, and not quite as brown. Not real skittle colors, actually.
  8. Or some variant thereof.

See Also[edit]

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article very remotely related to Racial profiling.

External Links[edit]