Radioactive Snowpants

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Radioactive Snowpants were developed by one Franklin Nathan Stein (known as Frank N. Stein). The snowpants were designed with a large pouch containing extremely high amounts of concentrated plutonium, so that when someone outgrew the snowpants and threw them into a fire, the snowpants would blow up, and generate nuclear energy for the whole house. Unfortunately, it didn't work out that way. Now, the plutonium can explode under high heat and/or pressure, so make sure you do not fall over if you have the radioactive snowpants, or else you will blow up, generating a nuclear fallout over the three nearest countries that will last for 100 years.


The radioactive snowpants were marketed as "L. L. Bean Extreme Nuclear Snowpants", and had serial numbers ranging from 1 to 999. Only 999 pairs were produced. They were designed with a pouch on the rear of the snowpants filled with plutonium. Developed by Frank N. Stein of Liechtenstein, they proved to be a success, even though they were not developed by L. L. Bean. That was just a relentless copyright ripoff.

Unfortunate owners[edit]

What happens when you do a triple fakie backflip with a 1080 spin with radioactive snow pants on.

One owner of the radioactive snow pants was some 15-year-old in the Ukraine. The Ukraine is infamous for being cold, but this was a way hot day. In fact, it got to 105 degrees. This Ukrainian dude went out with a jacket, snow pants, mittens, and everything in 105-degree weather, just because he was stupid. The pouch accidentally opened, and BLAM! Ukrainian nuclear fallout. Chernobyl never happened- this is what really happened.

Another owner of the radioactive snow pants was an aspiring snowboarder from Switzerland. He was at the slopes (it's the Alps!), and went to the terrain park. He attempted a triple fakie backflip with a 1080 spin. NEVER do a triple fakie backflip with a 1080 spin on skateboards, snowboards, OR skis!!!! This guy landed really hard on his big skis and landed so hard, the pouch opened. BLAM! Explosive plutonium of doom.

A third owner of the snow pants was a 3-year-old skier from Alaska. He was going down this really easy beginner slope at a really slow speed. Yet he still fell down and BLAM! He was a dead three-year-old. Plutonium is awful stuff.

Final word[edit]

Remember, they are "L. L. Bean Extreme Nuclear Snowpants", serial numbers 1 to 999. Do not wear them if you have them, and don't even THINK of doing a triple fakie backflip with a 1080 spin with them. Then again, you should never do a triple fakie backflip with a 1080 spin anyway.

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