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Rama with his "Dhanushya"
For the religious among us who choose to believe lies the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Ramayana.

The Ramayana was the first ever Indian TV soap complete with baddies, whores, bitches, vamps, and oh yeah, no script.Its protagonist, Rama, is considered the inventor of the predecessor of what has today become the dildo and he is also supposedly one among the million Hindu vedic deities, thus actually being one in a million.


So, like, this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him. But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kinda a bitch, and she forced her husband to, like, send this cool-dude, he was Rama, to some national forest or something... Since he was going for, like, something, like, more than 10 years or so.. he decided to get his chick Sita and his bro Laxman along... you know...so that they could all chill out together.

The Forest[edit]

Now Dude, the forest was real scary shit... really man...they had monkeys and devils and shit like that all over the place. But this dude, Rama, kicked with darts and bows and arrows and poked them in places you can't imagine... so it was fine.

But then some bad and cool gangsta boys (please note the coolness), with some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her away to his hood (actually a nice sprawling condo in Lanka). And boy, was our man (and also his bro, Laxman) pissed like bloody hell..... all the big gods were with him (Inferiority complex....Ravan was hotter than them and had also slept with their girls)... So anyways, you don't mess with the big gods or their girls.

The WAR[edit]

So, Rama and his bro get an army of monkeys. Dude, don't ask me how they trained the damn monkeys to kick ass or hold bows and darts... just go along with me, OK? So, like, Rama, Laxman and the monkeys whip this gangsta's ass in his own hood on his own land.

So all's well that end's well? Nope. Our hero, Rama, wants to ensure that his girl's clean after her long stay with the whores of Lanka. With all the STD's going around like hell he wanted to make sure she hadn't contracted one. So he makes her go through a fire so that she's nice and disinfected....Dude don't ask me how she survived or why the fire didn't burn her... I'm merely telling you what happened, the way people have been doing for years. OK, coming back to the story, with his girl nice and disinfected the Rama guy, along with his savage hordes of baboons, decides to call it a day and comes back home.

Return Home[edit]

Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the forest...and anyways...it gets kinda boring, you know...no TV or malls or whores and sh*t like that available in the jungle. So, they decided to hitch a ride back home...and when the people realize that our dude, his bro, and the wife are back home...they thought, well, you know, at least they deserve something nice... and they didn't have any bars or clubs in those days... so they couldn't take them out for a drink, so they, like, decided to smoke and sh*t...and since they also had some lamps, they lit the lamps also... so it was a pretty coooooooooool thing...you know with all those fireworks 'n stuff...