Randall's Circles of Hell

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Randall's Nine Circle's of Hell are not to be confused with Dante's.

Whereas Dante's circles of Hell describe the layered sections of a carefully constructed hierarchy of tortured sinners, with the most treacherous and disgusting human filth occupying the seats next to Beelzebub himself, Randall's circles structure only the fast food system in Hell.

Would you like fries with that?
  • Circle one: Parking lot barbecues.
  • Circle two: Hot hot hot dog stand.
  • Circle three: Take-out pizza slices with extra hot peppers... 666 minutes or free.
  • Circle four: McDonalds and their new McBrimstone sandwich.
  • Circle five: Lord of the Fries on the boardwalk, overlooking the Pit of Demons.
  • Circle six: Soft-serve ice-cream place...um, there is no ice cream in Hell! That’s the Hell of it.
  • Circle seven: The Lake of Fire Vegetarian Delights rotisserie.
  • Circle eight: Burger Prince of darkness.
  • Circle nine: Hell room service (dial 666-13-13).

Randall's innovative concentric circle design for directory volumes was ahead of its time; it was never utilized by the Hell Tourism and Naturalization Department because no one understood how to read it.

See also[edit]