Rank Of Bad Motherfucker
The Rank Of Bad Motherfucker is an ancient and honorable title given only to the most powerful and loyal members of the British Commonwealth, and by consequence of England's former POWNING of North America, also in the United States, to religious and military figures who, by quote of the Original Charter of the Bad Motherfucker, "Strike down upon [enemies of the Commonwealth] with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy [Britain]." The first Bad Motherfucker was Samuel L. Jackson.
Religious Titles Throughout Time
A prolific and historically pertinent fighter for the British Commonwealth, Samuel L. Jackson, later St. Samuel, sanctified by the Anglican Church, was the first individual to receive the title, as reward for killing Nepolean 2 with a single bitchslap. After his beatification by the Archbishop of Canterbury, Jackson felt compelled by the Holy Spirit to proliferate the achievements of being a Bad Motherfucker.
Persecution of the Bad Motherfuckers
St. Samuel spent a number of the next years, probably seven or so, travelling the costal and inland shires of England, evangulizing the principles of the Bad Motherfuckers and promoting the smoting of enemies of the British Empire and its Democracy. Meanwhile, in London, Queen Mary, The Bitch, of Scotland, in an unexpected coup d'etat, seized the throne of England, brining with her the bane of Catholicism. The first on Mary's list of loose cannons to deal with was St. Samuel, who was tracked by her Catholic armies to Nottinghamshire, where he was training men in the wild forests in the ways of Bad Motherfuckerdom. The Battle of Nottingham insued, with many of the Bad Motherfuckers struck down by the Catholic Armies. Injured and pissed as all hell, St. Samuel rode to London with his trusted Bad Motherfucker leftenants: Sir Ewan McGregor, BMF (later St. Obi-Wan Aquinas) Sir Vincent Vega, BMF (later St. John the Scientologist). and Dave the Pirate BMF
Upon arrival in London, St. Samuel made his way to the Palace of Queen Mary, where he confronted the evil Empress of the English Catholics. After a rather impassioned argument over dinner, St. Samuel was attacked, his arm chopped of, and thrown out the window. Stunned at the brash and very uncool ambush of their leading Bad Motherfucker, Sir Ewan and Sir Vincent recovered the body of their fallen leader. He was buried in Canterbury Cathedral.
After Queen Mary, The Bitch, of Scotland was removed from the throne, executed and laughed at in Parliament, the body of St. Samuel was moved to Westminster Abbey, where it lay in State and remembrance of the first Bad Motherfucker. St. Obi-Wan Aquinas and St. John the Scientologist were placed as leaders of the Bad Motherfucker order by the incoming King, James I. It was under James I that the Rank of Bad Motherfucker became an official rank in the Order of the British Empire. However, it was not until the middle of the 17th century, like 1667 or something like that, that the Bad Motherfuckers became a benevolent yet prominent force in the decision of policy in England, mostly associated with decisions like what makes a British Citizen cool enough or not to earn the right to Vote.
Use in the British Commonwealth
With the rectification of Church and State in 1717, the rank of Bad Motherfucker also became a political and military title.
- Post-humorously, Admiral Horatio Nelson was given the title of Bad Motherfucker for Completely and Totally POWNING the combined French and Spanish fleets at Trafalger. He was the first Military man to be addressed, 'Cheif Admiral Bad Motherfucker of the Great British Empire'
- Sir William Wallace was given the title of Bad Motherfucker by the Scottish, but that title was revoked after being POWNED by the English.
- Sir Winston Churchill, was the last man to be a Bad Motherfucker and Prime Minister at the same time.
Some non-political figures, although important in the history of Britian, have been given the title honorably.
- Isaac Newton for striking down the apple
- Cecil, for advancing the cause of incest in 1982
- William Shakespeare, just because.
- Queen Victoria named herself a Bad Motherfucker, earning the title "Her Royal Highness and Most Regal Bad Materfuctrix of the Commonwealth," notably using the feminine form of the Latin-derived equivalent materfuctor. This was probably simply for dramatic effect, solidifying her butchiness. Queen Victoria was the first Queen to assume a rank in the Bad Motherfucker Order, a precedence that has consequently been upheld by female monarch into the present time.
- Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother, briefly considered assuming the title of "Queen Motherfucker," but decided against it simply for prosperity's sake.
- Orange Geuce, although this is highly debated as he probably just gave this title to himself expecting nobody else to notice.