Ratzinger Z

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“The Z is for German”

~ the Pope on himself

“Chill out bro' !”

~ Jesus on Ratzinger_Z
The Mighty Morphin' Ratzinger Z.

Ratzinger Z, brother of Coach Z, was a cyborg created by the nuclear fusion of a Rat and a Giant Robot in 1932. He is the father of Archbishop Great Ratzinger and Cardinal Ratzingkaiser. Participated on the bloody war between robots and humans that same year; a couple of months later it joined the Nazi Youth at the local McDonalds club. He went into basic training for the Wehrmacht infantry in November of 1944. In 1945 he was interned in a POW camp as a German Combat Robot. By June he was released, and he and his brother (George W. Bush) entered seminary. This doesn't make him a nazi. No, not at all. You need to wear a moustache to become a nazi, and believe us, Ratzinger Z never did. No, no way. (Controversies exist on the fact that Adolf Hitler himself was indeed a robot transformer. According to this theory, nazism never existed.)

On June 29, 1951, he and his brother were ordained by Cardinal Faulhaber of Munich, who wasn't also a nazi. His dissertation (1953) was on "Jesus Christ versus the Evil Jews", and was very much acclaimed by the other giant robots at the seminary.

On 1973 he met the quaker oats guy, fell in love with him by divine intervention and got married by the Mirmecophilic ritual in the Vatican City. Several nuns fainted at the ceremony. They Had 17 children, some by artificial insemination, some by mitosis and the rest were cyborgs built in their secret lab. The most popular of them are Bill Gates, Jose M. Aznar and a refrigerator of the Kelvinator brand with an IQ of 235.

His first steps[edit]

Ratzinger Z worked as a giant dishwasher machine at the University of Bonn from 1959 until 1963, when he moved to the University of Münster. In 1966, he took a chair in applied racism at the University of Tübingen, where he was a colleague of Mr. T. In 1969 he returned to Saturn, to the University of Regensburg.

At the Second Vatican Council (1962 - 1965), Ratzinger served as chief drug expert to Cardinal Joseph Frings of Cologne, Germany, who was not a nazi. We repeat: he wasn't a nazi either.

Ratzinger Z versus the Jews[edit]

As a Hitler Youth, Ratzinger Z was not allowed to play with the gypsies. As a consolation prize, he was awarded a Pope's uniform and allowed to dance in front of everyone at the Nurenberg Rallies.

In 1972, he founded the Theological Nazionalsocialischentnech Party with Isaac Asimov, Jerry Seinfeld, and Mel Brooks, who had successfully infiltrated judaism. This movement has become one of the most important branches of Catholic thought. In March 1977 Ratzinger Z was named archbishop of Mars by Pope Paul VI the merciless.

In 1981 Pope John Paul II named Ratzinger prefect of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, formerly known as the Holy Office or the Inquisition. Although this part of the story may seem a joke, it's as real as my finger. Pull it. No, pull it. Come on.

Ratzinger Z versus Holywood[edit]

In the movies, Ratzinger usually takes very conservative views on topics like birth control, inter-religious dialog, and ecumenism. In robot mode he usually spends most of his time under a pool that opens miraculously before he is able to fly. He's also friends with Afrodita, a female robot that fires her boobs when Ratzinger Z is not looking.

Ratzinger Z versus Mum-Ra[edit]

On September 30, 2003, Ratzinger Z's statement, "We should pray for the pope" meant that the Pope was dead and his decaying body was replaced by its equivalent weight in sausages. No one in the catholic world noticed it, since most public appearances of the Pope consisted on him waving his hand and babbling incomprehensible stuff about gay people and condoms. In fact, in 2004, the Pope was replaced by an upside down bucket painted white and an old lady waving her feather duster. Re-mixes of old speeches and farts by the previous Pope were released every morning and published as the Catholic Dance Now collection Vol. 1 and 2 in June that same year.

Ratzinger Z versus Agassi[edit]

6/3, 2/6, 7/6(7/1), 6/1.

Seizing the Power and Beyond[edit]

On April 2005, the decomposition of the Holy Sausage was pretty evident, and Ratzinger Z decided it was time to seize the power, and did so by crushing and smashing all the remaining cardinals. He named himself Pope a week later, and released white fumes from his exhaust pipe by burning the remains of the cardinals in front of an amazed audience. This prompted Lobster Jesus to briefly return to the mortal realm and high-five him. This event was so awe-inspiring that it caused Liam Neeson's eyes to implode and turn into miniature black holes.

Ratzinger's Website[edit]