Ravi Shankar

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Ravi Shankar, pictured with one of his many instruments of death from his prized sitar collection, worth millions
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Ravi Shankar, (February 16, 1880 - present) born in in Marushtralamadingdhong, India, is best-known as the undisputed king of Rock N roll and father of "gangsta rap". Shankar was born Sri Sri Sri Llama Raviama Kankarsohre Shankaradarabingbong. He is the oldest living member of the "Bengali Tortugas," an assassin group known for its exclusive use of the sitar, the second most-deadly musical instrument known to man (the first being the autoharp). The Robert Rodriguez films El Mariachi and its sequels Desperado, Once Upon A Time in Mexico, and the Jane Austen-esque Mexican and Mexican't were based on stories of Shankar's life, with India changed to Mexico because most Americans are unaware that there is a country called India.

Music[edit]

Shankar's musical career began at around 11 years of age when British colonists used to gather to watch and listen to the boy virtuoso using his sitar to hunt elephant. He promptly was signed to a record contract with Her Majesty's Phonograph and Opium Company (HMPOC) in 1892. Originally, Shankar was made to produce dancehall reggae, as was popular in the day, but because of his success was given more and more creative control of his projects. He began experimenting with genres such as polka, techno, and bluegrass.

In the early 1900's, Shankar was increasingly moved by the performances of the street rappers of Bangalore and began incorporating Bangalore hip-hop into his own repertoire. When HMPOC refused to record any of his rap songs, Shankar began recording with MCA under the pseudonym MC Ra Shanks in 1910, and then in 1912 he completely dissolved his relationship with HMPOC and formed his own label, "Shank U Good Records".

Shankar has gone on to record with countless artists over the decades, from artists as famous as Pat And Mick to obscure groups such as The Beatles. Despite Shankar's enormous impact on popular culture and music, the western world as a whole generally considers him to be a douche.

Gang War[edit]

Shankar has played a central role in the intense rivalry between the "East Coast" rappers of India and the "West Coast" rappers of Pakistan. He is believed to be personally responsible for the deaths of thousands of Pakistanis. For this reason, he is usually seen travelling with a large entourage of trained assassin-bodyguards and often rides in a tricked-out Popemobile.

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