Rayman

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The popular computer game character Rayman is in fact based on the legendary Raymond von Manfred (aka Manfred Mann). Suffering from a thalidomide related limb deficiency, he decided to make a living in the world of entertainment, hoping his abnormality would unofficially give him a slight edge in gaining a reputation.

His hands and feet aren't his only appendages that levitate separate from his body....

He did in fact manage to make a substantial reputation for himself, but rather not as he had hoped. Instead he became the victim of malicious caricatures exaggerating his deformed features, which eventually became so popular that they were made into models and sold as official von Manfred merchandise. However, it did not suffice the public to merely see an inanimate version of their legendary hero, so he was eventually cast as a cartoon character and made the subject of several computer and console games. The helicopter hair was added as a result of the von Manfred company's sponsorship by Nesquik cereal. No one knows why it can spin around without tangling. It must be the shampoo he's using. Or a toupee.

Von Manfred allegedly gave his consent to allow the merchandising and computer games to go ahead, but this is still a disputed fact and many insist that he did in fact publicly show his discontent just two days before his death in 1972 - a death that came as a result of his contracting leprosy, the cause of Rayman's mythical hand-throwing super power.

The legend lives on[edit]

Rayman's private army in rayman 2.

Today Rayman continues von Manfred's prestigious reputation but under more favourable terms. Rayman is highly mobile due to not being restricted by limbs, ironically contrary to von Manfred's limited capabilities for the same underlying reason.

Rayman has become internationally recognised as a competent crime fighter and has since begun his own official crime fighting force consisting of other superhero characters. His crime fighting force also doubles up as a private army, used to defeat many powerful enemies such as the robot pirates and the Raving Rabbids.

This army consists mainly of the Globox family who all share common fighting techniques loosely based on an abstract form of Karate. One of the main Karate techniques used is the principle of running away, which Globox's family have developed to a fine art.

Rayman's army enlists back-door assistance from Teensies in order to travel between various places in the world (cars and/or wheelchairs have not yet been invented - if things go to plan, Teensies will ensure said apparatae never exist.) Of course, owing to the unregulated nature of the army, Teensies cannot appear to endorse it publicly for PR purposes.

Although this private army consists of the entire Globox clan (over 1 million persons to its name) and receives shady donations from a variety of sources, Rayman has found it necessary to ally himself with various renegades and mercenaries in order to achieve his goals. Among such colourful characters are the flying cached copy of Uncyclopedia, Murfy, the steroid-packed athlete Clark, and the magically empowered mute Ly. All have managed to successfully distance themselves from Rayman at the current time of writing.

Globox performs his terrifying wardance.

Rayman initially starred in a high-octane speed based text-adventure game similar to Counter-Strike, but it was quickly knocked off the top 10 home entertainment device game charts by the Internet. Because of this, Rayman never really caught on until he starred in a game for the Playstation, where you had to traverse dangerous platforms and rescue people. Rayman's popularity soared after that and starred in more games involving traversing dangerous platforms and rescuing people. Also, since Rayman's first game was so insanely impossible to complete it's very difficult to find any proof of its existence, unless you join Scientology and donate lots of money.

Love[edit]

Rayman has not yet found love, while his friend Globox has almost 1 million children. After the last birth, his wife died of exhaustion. Rayman may have a slight crush on Ly...But that is yet to be explored. Or that he is too innocent and a virgin for Sex with girls. Which is kinda pathetic. However, It's rumoured he is currently attempting it with Sailor Venus.

See also[edit]