From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Consumption of wild mushrooms without reference to a guidebook frequently results in the consumer developing an ability to, like, see the actual reality that is normally veiled behind the everyday universe, man.
Are you looking for another version of Reality?

“Reality has a well known liberal bias.”

Reality is just a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. It is also the most high maintenance commodity known to man[1]. In and of itself, it is a controversial concept asserting that 'things' are 'there' and this is somehow indisputable. This belief isn't highly accepted in the scientific community as it has little verifiable evidence behind it. Often dismissed as a pseudo-scientific study created by New Age beliefs, the ideas and philosophies behind 'reality' have been thoroughly debunked by today's leading researchers, and is widely regarded as a 'crutch for the weak' or a coping mechanism for depressed anarchic people who want to believe something exists 'out there' or 'anywhere', or in extreme cases, 'somewhere around here, but I think I lost it. Oh man I hope nobody found it. That was my last one. Fuck.'

If it weren't for reality, the universe we would exist in wouldn't, and so neither would we. Still, Eastern belief systems refuse to give up on the theology-based concept, and continue studying it in vain, spreading their paranormal pseudo-sciences of reality to white countries and even appearing publicly. As many remember from an interview by a credible news source titled "Does reality exist?", a believer responded to criticism of his study by saying "What? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! Cripes! Humanity has known this shit for millennia before America's best-selling nihilist 'scientists' started telling you it's all a big hoax/hallucination/delusion. Are you really so gullible and ignorant that you would - oh shit!" Just then, the video ended abruptly as the researcher was restrained and sent back to the parking lot via the window. And so the believers in these supernatural 'reality' phenomena suffered a major blow to their credibility, as well as their head, ribcage, spleen, kidneys, and most of their spine thanks to some asshole that double-parked.

Demonstration of the Theory of Reality[edit]

There is a room, which we shall entitle "reality". In the room is only the following:

1. You, reader of this article and bearer of no Imagination.

2. A Cat in a sealed box with some poison, half-dead, half-alive.

3. This article.

4. Air.

To You, Reality is real, You are real, the air is real, This Article is real, the Dead Cat is half-real, and the Clown is not real. To the Living Cat, Reality, You, The Living Cat, and Air are half-real. To the Clown, only the inside of your Underwear is real.

Phenomenological reality[edit]

You reject our reality and substitute your own.


You DID eat it!


A type of once-weekly recurring Newspaper column.

What Reality might not be[edit]

Penguins are real. Anything not connected to Penguins might not be real.


Reality is blue, man.

The world is the place what we all inhabit. From this, one can immediately deduce that it must be a wondrous place full of stuff.

An ironic bit of information is that whenever somebody adds something to this page, they do it on a page called "Editing Reality." If only it really were that easy.

Reality has become a commodity. As with anything else used to collect stuff, some of it is good stuff and some of it is bad stuff. But how can you tell the difference I hear you ask ? Simple. Just look. No, really just look. No, look again and for Jesus H. Christ's sake pay attention!

In the beginning you'll be able to tell the difference because if it's good stuff it will make you happy. If it's bad stuff it will make you sad. The problem is that if you keep looking hard enough you'll eventually realise that the two states are interchangeable. In other words the bad stuff starts making you happy and the good stuff starts making you sad.

Begorrah! Before you know what month it is you can no longer tell the difference. Shortly thereafter comes the point when you feel the need to try explaining this to people and you notice they immediately start fidgeting, make a polite excuse and leave.

But, like a bloodhound with the scent, you keep looking at stuff. The next stage is that your spouse leaves you, your friends disown you, your children voluntarily go into care and you keep getting thrown off public transport.

Before you know what's happened you're sitting in some God-awful concrete block style day care centre and wonder why you're wearing restraining shackles and why your head has been shaved. "I don't recall joining the Hare Krishnas," you may think. Last thing you know is that you're left on your own a lot and passing insects start providing your only form of conversation.

But despite it all you still can't get to grips with all the bloody stuff. Where did it all come from? Who put it in there? What possible use can it all be?

Editing Reality[edit]

Editing reality.jpg

Editing reality is a lot easier then you have been led to believe, anyone can do it, and that's the problem. You see all the smart people are smart enough not mess with reality, so we end up with a bunch of morons who want to encode "all your base are belong to us!!" into the very fabric of the universe, along with various swear words and strange religious doctrines, so now reality kind of sucks.

The Though of Reality[edit]

Reality is only a projection of our subconscience. So technically you don't exist. Neither do I. We are just a merging of all realities into a greater one. Reality can be bent by subconscience and melded into a specific object. If you are reading this, you are most likely a figment of mine or your subconscience, or just a figment of imagination.

Reality in Fiction[edit]

They have claimed that our reality is fiction and video game reality is true. Thus the videogames created us instead of us creating them and that's why the meaning of life is 42.

See Also[edit]