Reese's Peanut Butter Cup

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GIVE THEM TO ME!!!!

“These taste better than Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Reese's Peanut Butter Cups

Reese's Peanut Butter Cups were invented by H. B. Reese (the best man ever!!!!) and Reese Witherspoon via a freak coincindence. Witherspoon was walking down some stairs, eating a chocolate bar, as Reese was eating some peanut butter directly from the jar. The chocolate slipped out of Mrs. Reese's hand, and luckily landed directly in the peanut butter jar. At the moment they are involved in a lawsuit with that guy called Reese from Malcolm in the Middle.

Two great tastes that go great together[edit]

This led Edson's creation to butter the immortal line, "You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!" "Well you got ur peanut butter in my chocolate!" than dispose of the fouled peanut butter, to try a bit of the combined confections. The result was so delightful, Reese knew he had hit upon a sure money-maker. And he knew that for years to come it would be making us run for milkRAWR and talk with stuff on the roof of our mouths.

Early marketing attempts[edit]

Unfortunately, the going was not easy. Readers of this article will probably not remember Reese's® Chocolate Bar Smothered With Peanut Butter. The main problem with this product was that the peanut butter t ended to stick to the wrapper, the customer's fingers, hair, clothes, the roof of the mouth, and generally make a huge mess all over the place. Another product made was Reese's Pieces but when it was first releast it was called Reese's feces due to the fact that his packaging artist was blind and only had the job because he was friends with the Reese's family.

The dismal failure of the Reese's® Chocolate Bar Smothered With Peanut Butter and Reese's feces did not daunt Reese. His next attempt at selling the chocolate–peanut-butter combination was Reese's® Jar of Peanut Butter With Bits of Chocolate Bar Inside. This, unfortunately, also did not fare too well, as most people are not used to eating peanut butter directly from the jar. People quickly discovered that Peanut-Butter-with-Bits-of-Chocolate-Bar toast was not, in fact, very tasty. Kids who were sent to school with Peanut-Butter-with-Bits-of-Chocolate and Jelly sandwiches would not eat them, and could not trade them.

Finally, Reese grew despondent. He knew he was on to something grand, but could not make it sell. It took the genius of confectioner extraodinaire Milton S. Hershey to shape the peanut-butter–chocolate combination into the form we know and love today. Unfortunately for Reese, Hershey had bought the rights to his "invention" and trademark for a paltry 8 dollars. alksdfivuadkjrj

Other Reese's® brand products[edit]

  • Reese's® Chocolate Bar Smothered With Peanut Butter
  • Reese's® Jar of Peanut Butter With Bits of Chocolate Bar Inside
  • Reese's® Miniatures
"Reese's Pieces" is not an allusion to this actress's naughty bits
  • Reese's® Pieces
  • Reese's® Fast Break
  • Reese's® Bathroom Break
  • Reese's® Peanut Butter Celery Stick
  • Reese's® Monkeys
  • Reese's® Liberal miniature nut clusters
  • Reese's® British Communists with Peanut Butter
  • Reese's® Fleeces Coats
  • Reese's® Barack Obama's Peanuts

Great tastes that do not taste great together[edit]

  • Bananas and fried chicken
  • Alfredo sauce and ice cream
  • Applesauce and ketchup
  • Saurkraut and milkshakes
  • Cajun barbecue and PEZ
  • Horseradish and corn
  • Pork rinds and Pakis
  • Coffee and sour cream
  • Milk and oranges
  • Racists and European Americans
  • Beer and Poop
  • British and Irish People
  • Nipples and Ice
  • Orange Fanta and Hot Dogs
  • White rice and ranch dressing
  • Cheetos with ketchup and musturd

Wrong ways to eat a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup[edit]

  • As a garnish for baked potatoes
  • Licking until you get to the peanut-buttery center
  • Eating the peanut-buttery center first
  • Stuffing it up your nose
  • On a plane. With mother-fucking snakes.
  • Without Opening the Package
  • Submerged in an Artichoke/Spinach Dip
  • Feeding it to a friend and then devouring their dog
  • Duct-taping the package to the part of your back that cannot be scratched, then jumping out of a plane without a parachute
  • Duct-taping the package to the part of your back that cannot be scratched, then jumping out of a plane without two parachutes
  • Duct-taping the package to the part of your back that cannot be scratched, then jumping out of a plane with Oscar Wilde
  • Cramming the cup into a twelve-gauge shotgun shell and firing it point-blank into your stomach hoping to bypass the annoying social grace of chewing
  • Throwing the entire package into a lake, jumping in after it and desperately trying to absorb it into your skin through osmosis
  • Getting banned from Uncyclopedia and are therefore depressed, and go on a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup binge to cure your sorrow
  • Sticking it up your ass and cross the boarder for all your friends to eat!!!
  • Never eat while sitting next to your mom watching teletubies!
  • Scarfing one down at your moms best friends funeral!!
  • Never eat one in the middle of the Snickers convention!!!
  • Shoving it up your anal and sucking it through your body until it appears in your mouth then spitting it out and stepping on it and then eating it

Legends of Double Wrapping[edit]

It happened in a small town, Wack Smada, while talking to Lashrsa Law, opened a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, and to his utter dismay(or amazement, you pick).....the chocolatey peanut butter confection was DOUBLE WRAPPED! This has to be the most bestest, most FUCKING AWSOMEST, most coolest thing that happened the night of December 27, 2006 10:26pm (MST). Stephen Dupre, who was masturbating at his desk, was surprised to find one too, but nobody cares.

Big Candy
Peddlers
Chester CheetahBen & Jerry'sReese WitherspoonLaura SecordHersheys
Confections
Reese's Peanut Butter CupAirplane peanutsBon-bonsBubble gumCheetosChips
Jelly beans * Popcorn * Skittles * Pez
Hersheykiss.jpg
Hersheykiss.jpg

Kyle Reese Theory[edit]

A theory that is becoming more and more valid is that, Kyle Reese from the first Terminator went back in time and invented Reese's Peanut Butter Cups as a means to give John Conner the financial stability he needed to defend humanity from the Cyberdyne menace. Unfortunately, Kyle Reese was stabbed in an alley by H.B. Reese (if that's even his real name) who was selling his body as a prostitute at the time. H.B. Reese then discovered the ingredients and methods to make the Peanut Butter Cups inside a capsule that was concealed in Kyle Reese's rectum.