Types of registers
The CPU in a typical computer has access to several registers, including but not limited to:
- The accumulator register, which should be used with caution as it will change its value if you take your eyes off it for two seconds
- The index register, which is used to store things in an alphabetical list
- The cash register, which stores money and determines how much change you should be given
- The pointer register, which is how the computer knows when you move your mouse
- The 8-bit register, which is primarily used by early Final Fantasy games
- The floating point register, which is similar to the pointer register but can fly
- The segment register, which determines the amount of time between Commercial Breaks
- The flag register, the most patriotic of all registers
It is rumored that as time goes on, the 8-bit register will grow up and become a 16-bit or even 32-bit register.
Contrary to popular belief, these registers are not unique to each CPU but are in fact shared between them. As a result, computers must push their way into The Stack, where the registers are kept. By pushing and shoving a lot, a particular computer can be the first to reach a given register and gets to use it. After a computer finishes using a register, it is required to pop back out of The Stack, since otherwise The Stack will become too crowded and nobody would be able to get anything done (a phenomenon known as "stack overflow").
In an attempt to reduce the frequency of stack overflows, many computers ask to be provided with additional registers. Registers cannot be created out of nothing, so instead people "register" themselves, giving computers the ability to use parts of their brains as their own personal registers so that the computer can run faster. This is a common practice particularly with computers that host Web sites, since the Internet is too big for most computers to handle on their own. Some computers (particularly large government computers) have gone so far as to register inanimate objects, such as cars or trademarks. It is possible to become a register for multiple computers simultaneously, although this may decrease clock speed.
Generally, a person who has registered with a given computer is given some kind of special privileges, such as the vanity page given to those who register with Uncyclopedia, as thanks for their contribution. Some computers are particularly bad at getting access to the public registers for one reason or another, or are particularly over strained when trying to use them. As a result, many of them are forced to restrict some or all of their basic functions, reserving their use for those who have done their part by registering.