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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Retail.

Retail, as defined by economist Adam Smith, is a market in which consumers propagate amongst a contained location and view various products that the consumer would like to have (known as demand). Adam Smith watches this happen while you shop. The second key aspect of retail is supply, in that a store must stock its shelves with goods. With no supply, comes no demand.

Consumers proceed to stock their bags and/or shopping carts with goods and dash out of the store as quickly as possible. This allows maximum demand in one trip, which in turn stimulates the economy. Note that some stores have self-imposed measures that deter exiting the store area. These include checkouts and receipt checkers.

Smart shoppers can choose to ignore these people, as demand is lowered when time is added in to the equation (i.e. what's taking so long). Therefore, customers should leave the store as soon as possible, in the most efficient manner, with no distraction.

Since the primary goal of entering the store is to "come home with the goods," one should not fall victim to employees of these establishments, who will often guard the exit, promoting schemes that ultimately cause you, the consumer, to lose money. You do not want to lose money in this scenario, as you came specifically to return home with goods. It may be hard to ignore the pressure of thick-headed employees, some of whom will use strong-arm tactics such as batons and tasers to enforce their views, but do not be deterred.

Always remember that as a customer, you are entitled to the system of Retail. No amount of corporate scams and false prospects should get in your way, especially if it would cause you to lose your own money.

For The Retards In The Audience[edit]

Retail is for the bitches, y'all.