Retirement homes

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Retirement homes differ from country to country, but most are a safe place for the retired to go and die. Others are homes for the retired to get adopted by non-retired folk. All homes share one common factor; they are all just a way of keeping old people from walking the Earth. Some old people's homes are concentration camps for the aged, and they will be eventually subject to torture and pain of death, if they don't renounce the view that "the good old days" were good. An average old people's home is the size of Luxembourg, and contain many rooms, all of which are connected via bus stops (in order to preserve Old People's way of greeting other old people). However no buses ever arrive, and a virtual newspaper letter column is available for the old people to write in and complain.

Another popular form of torture involves badgers and two sledgehammers. These methods have since been described as unfair to the sledgehammers, who have a very powerful union. New methods include playing music loudly and refusing to turn it down under any circumstance, and creating artificial world war IIs. It is rumored that Bruce Forsyth is currently plotting in an old people's home somewhere off the coast of Scotland.

Because old people eventually die, the old people's homes argue that it would be much tidyer for everybody else if it happened sooner. Therefore they ensure the quickest, most painful death imaginable. These usually involve young people who are the arch-enemies of old people.

In 1945, Lord Daffid Dickinson III broke free from an old people's home. He led a revolution in which the few survivors of old people's homes managed to safely escape, however his plans failed as the old people quickly complained about the cold, and that they were missing countdown. Thus they returned, and were punished, via method of forced eating. Daffid is rumored to go by the name of David, and pretends to not care about the cold by wearing a fake tan.