From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search


“This article is currently in a bad state, but all it needs is a little love”

~ Somebody who thinks their opinion is neccessary on every page they don't find really, really funny

“Brothers! This is the day we turn back the clocks and rewrite history!!!”

~ Crack addict talking to a pack of wild dogs

“Is Cat the Gay”

~ Eric Dye

“Eric, you really need to rewrite that sentence”

~ Somebody who apparently knows better than Eric

“Is Cat the Gay”

~ Eric Dye after rewriting his sentence

“I don't write, I rewrite”

~ Someone who needs to rethink their reasoning

“I rewrote the book on politics”

~ Frank O'Mally after plagarising the book on politics

“I want to go to Vegas, but there's too much of I wonder why does the rain always come where there isn't any need for that thing which I wish I had some big pillow to lie on oh my god what the fuck was that giant cloud doing over there in bob's garage”

~ Someone who obviously needs their sentence rewritten

“The truth is, I like little boys. The truth is, I'm not very straight”

~ Oscar Wilde after rewriting his letter to his parents in concerns to his sexuality

Template:Rewrite/Old School

Rewrite is a modern day word used to politely tell somebody how worthless their piece of writing is. It is a highly honorary word to use on Uncyclopedia, because those that use it feel that they have accomplished something of great importance. Additionally, rewrite is also a verb which means, 'To write over top of shit with hopes that the shit won't leak through.'

How to know when to Rewrite[edit]

The moment somebody tells you to rewrite, you should do it. Why? Only God knows. Being as I happen to know God I called him up and he told me that the sentence I was currently writing outta be rewritten, because suggesting that I knew the great and imaginative God is actually not very funny, because God seems to get referenced far too often in matters that should quite clearly be rewritten without referencing God. Despite dissing me, God did make one thing perfectly clear. When somebody tells you to rewrite something, you should do it, because obviously the reason they told you to rewrite your writing is because they weren't laughing hard enough to forget to tell you to rewrite what you wrote.

Rather than continuing to ramble on in sentences that deserve to be rewritten about how to know when to rewrite things; it seems much easier just to post a list of scenarios in which you should rewrite what you've written. (That previous sentence is one example of when you should rewrite something) YOU SHOULD REWRITE...

  • If you like what you wrote
  • If somebody didn't like what you wrote
  • If you walk outside and get struck by chuck norris
  • If you have to defend yourself from the depths of hell
  • If you write a song that makes people cry
  • If you didn't like what you just wrote
  • If you forget to use any vowels
  • If there's a period in the beginning of the sentence
  • If your essay is a white page
  • If somebody liked what you wrote
  • If you wrote in binary code
  • If you reference God, Oscar Wilde, Hitler, Jesus, Uncyclopedia, or Zimbabwe
  • If you start the sentence with 'IF'
  • If you don't start the sentence with 'IF'


Of course, a list of reasons to rewrite something is completely pointless without an accurate list of things you should write YOU SHOULD ALWAYS WRITE...

  • Penis at the beginning of every sentence
  • In reference to people you don't actually know, but who seem to add to your sentence with great fluency
  • Racisist comments about snow men
  • Puns about puns about puns of people with punned up names who make sexual jokes
  • Sentences that include 90% fact so that the average reader is completely lost, but then add something random, or more suitably, something like a pun about Mark Strudelweiner's penis being toasty, but not to worry, he has plenty of balls
  • Very short sentences with 'Gay' placed infront of a series of nouns
  • In a British tone that sounds smart, but based on the writing, quite clearly isn't
  • Rhyming lyrics at random points
  • About Batman


Rewriten Examples[edit]

The only way to truly grasp the rewriting process is to view the numerous attempts of other people who have written something and must now rewrite it. Most of the time some one is told rewrite something they'll flip the bird and won't make any further attempts for 4 years. This act of aggression is called 'Sticking it to the man.' Alternatively you could rewrite that phrase and call it, 'Pulling a Brian Shimer with a side order of Phillip Wong.'

In some rare cases, people actually do get over the devastation of being a bad writer and make another useless attempt to rewrite more shit that somebody will likely spit on just for the sexual pleasure of dominating someone with their God-like opinion. Now here are some examples of poorly done sentences that have been rewritten.

The group of crazed, immature students never learned anything, because they were always making fun of Mrs.Robinson's eye disability. There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control her pupils.

All I can do is pray to God in hopes that he'll save me from Oscar Wilde's avalanche. I just don't understand how Batman driving into the avalanche accomplished anything

I was driving to school one day wondering what I was going to do with my life and thinking that I was doomed to forever be unhappy until I saw this bum on the side of the road dancing with his dog. Once drove alone, heart made of stone. I could not defend, the unhappiness that would never end. Then I saw a hobbo, I assumed his name was Bobo, dancing amidst the fog, with none other than his dog.

The term "theory of relativity" was coined by Max Planck in 1908 to emphasize how special relativity (and later, general relativity) uses the principle of relativity. The term "theory of relativity" was coined by Max Planck in 1908 to emphasize how special relativity (and later, general relativity) uses the principle of penis.

When I was a kid I watched the Power Rangers. When I was a kid I watched the Gay Rangers.

I can't believe Hitler was so cruel. I can't believe Shakesphere was so kind.

Everybody knows Superman! Everybody knows Abbie Cornish!


how do you kill an elephant? elephant gun. how do you kill a blue elephant? blue elephant gun. how do you kill a red elephant? choke it til' it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun. how do you kill a purple elephant? there are no such thing as purple elephants. What's wrong with you?

'Anybody who tags this page to be rewritten will become a TELEPHONE BOOTH!!! MUHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHA Template:Rewrite/Simon

Reasons why this page should be rewritten[edit]

Okay, first off, from the looks of things, the person who wrote this article did nothing other than add lots of rewrite templates all over the page. I don't know if this was some sort of attempt at being funny or what, but quite frankly it just makes this article look like horseshit covered in flies. I won't even get started on all the grammer mistakes. And WTF is up with all those lists of DO and DON'T writes. They're complete crap. I couldn't even afford a cheap chuckle. In fact, the only thing I found funny on this page was that rewrite template with Mr.T, but the author of this page can't even take any credit for that because it was the site creators that made that template available in the first place. I'm afraid I have no choice, but to take a giant turd on this article.