Rhubarb pie

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A typical example of Rhubarb Pie. Note the impressive latticework - this pie sold for over $340,000 on eBay.

Rhubarb Pie is an excellent dessert made of, you guessed it, rhubarb — as well as strawberries and occasionally Polish sausage. Rhubarb pie simply is the best thing from Earth to Proxima Centauri. Considered a delicacy in many places, in some parts of the world eating it is an almost quasi-religious experience, often involving strange and arcane cult rituals. Indeed, Rhubarb Pie is now considered by many to be the primary source of gustatory enjoyment for over 90 percent of the world's population (with the exception of Mormons, who prefer dirt.)

Rhubarb Pie did not arrive at center-stage of the World Culinary Scene overnight, however. It took years of research to achieve, and even longer to refine into the dessert institution it is today.

The Invention of Rhubarb Pie[edit]

Rhubarb pie originated in Denmark in 1947. The turd Rhubarb Pie was created by Denmark's famous mad scientist Klaus Rutkenhaben Hergishimer, known to his friends as "The Bake-o-meister." As is well-known, Hergishimer secretly hated the fact that his wife served apple pie virtually every night. Using a pie dish and some dough, he entered his secret laboratory beneath his secret compound and began to make a different kind of pie entirely — one with strawberry and strudel filling. He then took it upstairs and, stopping along the way to retrieve his junk mail, he noticed that across the street, two children were fighting each other with rhubarb stalks. While Hergishimer was distracted by the contents of the latest Val-Pak mailing, the children hid some of the rhubarb in his pie (no doubt hoping to continue the fighting later with fully-digested stalks, after the pie had been eaten). Hergishimer obligingly ate the pie, found it delicious, and said, "Hey! I could sell this! I mean, assuming I hadn't just eaten the whole thing."

And thus, the Rhubarb Pie was born. However, it would be four long years until the recipe could be fully reconstructed from Hergishimer's stomach contents, and the pie finally made ready for the international market.

The Evolution of Corporate Pie[edit]

Filled with enormous pride,jo mamma big new business "The Awesomely Glorious International Hergishimer Pie Corporation A.G." His first pies were produced in 1951, sold under the name Uncle Grandma's Rhubarb Pie. Hergishimer's slogan: "Beep Bop Ba-ree-bop, Rhubarb Pie. My family adores it, and so do me."

Rhubarb Pie Today[edit]

Though not as popular as it once was, Uncle Grandma's Rhubarb Pie is still loved by many families across the globe, as well as several occupants of various Top Secret Nazi Moon Bases. Though it is now mass-produced in factories by robotic machines, and not given the TLC it was once given, as with everything in this crazy modern world, it is still as delicious as it has always been. Now, of course, it can be special-ordered with extra preservatives, as well as human kidneys and spleens.

See Also[edit]