Richard Garfield

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This man, Slobodan Milosevic, was hired by Garfield to portray his alter-ego, Richard.

Richard Garfied is GOD, or so his legions of addicted mind-zombies say. The real God, of course, ignored this, being stuck on an intense debate with Dubya about where to invade next.

Real Identity[edit]

The pen name of the famous cat, Garfield. He created this alias so Magic: The Gathering and its destructive results could not be traced back to him.

He also likes to peepee on his own poopoo.

Origin of Name[edit]

The widely accepted story is that the name reflects the fact that this scheme made him even richer. That is, "Richard" sounds like "richer" with a "d" at the end.

However, the truth is that, in Hebrew, "Richard Garfield" becomes "dleifraG drahciR," the incantation used to rip a hole in reality, and, if used in conjunction with the proper rituals, to cause Ayn Rand to return to the corporeal world, signaling the apocalypse. This is believed to be what Urza did when he had his falling out with Barrin.

Note: The above incantation should not be intoned aloud, for, without the proper safeguards, it will, rather than unleash evil, drag the speaker and anything in his vicinity into hellish land of Chicago.

The Canary War[edit]

Although the true events of this conflict are still under dispute, and many of the relevant documents were classified or destroyed by Margaret Thatcher, it is known that Richard Garfield was a participant. Most theories place him in the publishing house at the time of the assasination, although rather he was involved in the attempt is pure conjecture. Many also believe, based on this, that he was a high-ranking intelligence officer for Ankh-Morpork. Others believe that he was playing both sides against the middle, either for personal gain or in hopes of creating a united Norfolk.

The allegations that Milosevic was really Garfield, and that Garfield was directing him, shook assumptions about the Canary War. Response to this generally came into three categories:

1)Milosevic was lying: Claiming to be able to reveal the mastermind behing Magic: The Gathering would have bought him favors, as it is considered a worse crime than anything he did. It would have made sense for him to make claims like this, rather or not they are true.

2)The Garfield involved in the war was another man of the same name: This cannot be easily disproven, as most participants were either killed by Thatcher or assimilated into the Borg, but it seems very unlikely.

3)These allegations are true: People who support this view generally feel that associating with such people is the sort of shady dealings that are to be expected from Ankh-Morpork. Obviously, this view is most popular amongst Norwich sympathysizers.

Downfall[edit]

Garfield realized, due to the dangerous nature of Magic: The Gathering and its high capability for addiction, he would face both severe legal and personal threats were he associated with the game. He suspected investors would shy away from dealing with a cat, and that his typecast image would hurt sales. Therefore, he created the persona of "Richard Garfield" to represent his new enterprise. He then hired a man to portray this fictional person, Slobodan Milosevic.

Recently, however, the truth has come to light, and Garfield is awaiting trial in the Hauge. However, due to liberal European criminal laws, he has not been prevented from continuing his publishing and cartooning careers from prison. It is believed Milosevic, who was also being held at the Hague on unrelated charges, sold out Garfield in hopes of receiving leniency, but he died awaiting trial.