Rivers of Blood

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“I like mine warm, with the skin still on it.”

~ Charles Dickens on Rice Pudding Rivers of Blood.

This recipe serves 8,000.

Ready in[edit]

2-5 Days


Three (3)

(1=easiest :: hardest=5)


For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia think they have an article very remotely related to Rivers of Blood.
  • One cucumber peeled and diced
  • Five green onions, chopped
  • 300 head of cattle, minced
  • 2 1/2 tons of navy beans
  • 6 gallons of red wine vinegar
  • 10 cups of purple food coloring
  • 2 gallons of olive oil
  • 6,000 ounces of tomato juice
  • 400,000 gallons of water
  • Pinch of fairy dust
  • 50 evil bunny ears
  • Blood from the wrist cuts of a thousand Emos (Should be rather easy to come by.)
  • 2 finely ground wooden teeth from George Washington
  • 300 diseased ox oxs
  • 1 ounce of margerine
  • 2 cups of fingernail clippings of god
  • 9000+ cups of virgin oil
  • 200 Litres of Baby Oil (This depends on how hard you squeeze them...)


In half million gallon river basin or soup tureen, combine cucumber, blood, green onion, tomato juice, cattle, navy beans, red wine vinegar, food coloring, virgin oil, and water. Season with fairy dust, adjust spices and seasonings to taste. Chill in moonlight for at least six hours. Sprinkle the ground teeth on top.

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