Rock band

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For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about rock band.
No one really knows what Sweet Unholy Jesus, Founder of Rock looks like but he sketched this tattoo design on a napkin I found.

Rock Bands were an outdated and archaic institution, appointed by Sweet Unholy Jesus himself to bring rock to the masses with the sacred weapons of guitar, drums, vocals, and bass. These charitable institutions gave the gift soul altering music to the denizens of the planet Earth. They were rendered useless in 2007 when Harmonix(TM) released Rock Band(TM).

Wyked Bands[edit]

A truly Wyked band will fulfill its mission to this earth to bring crazy awesome music to the populace infusing their souls for a brief moment with some sort of...uhh... rock stuff. Generally bands work like stars, one will glow brightly for a while then supernova with a huge farewell concert, however sometimes they form tiny dwarf stars with their reunion concerts, but these are a shadow of the original. However they are generally replaced by a new star which will erupt more brightly than its predecessor. However, as time goes on many of these spacial masses of fissable material, aka stars, will take up drugs causing them to implode in a not so powerful end. This however can make people lament and rue the death of one of their idols and thus rebel. There is also a Guitar Hero knock off called Rock band

Idols of Rock[edit]

As many Wyked band members have come and gone, some have ascended to the status of idol among their worshippers. Generally this is frowned upon by Sweet Unholy Jesus, and he usually sends Yoko Ono, drugs,or various assassins to destroy these Idols or Idolic groups. This game is a parody to the Activision video game "Guitar hero".

Garage and Basement Bands[edit]

A garage band hoping to be let out before its two week life time expires.

A rock band is a group designed to rock one's world, however, this is rarely achieved as 99.8% of all rock bands begin and end as a two week experiment in either someone's parent's garage or basement. During this two week session one can expect to hear: out of tune shrieks, arguing over who is the "creative drive"(as if they ever had one), or bickering over what "cool" band name to choose, "Either 'She likes Fabrick' or 'Old World Monkies' man!" "No dude, those both suck, we should be 'The Turdles'." Conversations like this generally end in some one feeling as though their "creative spirit" is crushed by their "Nazi Bandmates", so they go home. Then they are short a vocalist, drummer, guitarist, or whatever so every one else goes home. The other end for such a band is when they realize that they suck and get bored with spending so much time and money on a useless endeavor, so they go home. The garage or basement, also serves as a prison to hold in the worst of bands. The solid construction of many structures keeps the horror contained. However sometimes a band can break free either because they are extremely bad or extremely good.

Crappy Band Names[edit]

Concerned neighbors contemplate whether the newly escaped band will be a blessing or a curse

A crappy band name will generally be thought up on the spot, have no connection to the band, its origins, its music or its members. Crappy bands enjoy stroking eachothers shafts at night. It will generally feature a misspelling to show how rebellious they are and like how they are fighting the man with their underground music. If you have a garage or basement band don't make up crappy names, please its for the...um...well I was going to say children, but I guess, that doesn't apply too well so just do it to protect your art. Seriously. In fact having no name isn't a bad idea. Just call yourselves Band Name. Use that "Penis Horn".

Guitar, Staple of the American Rock Band[edit]

We're from the FCC, we need to talk...

The guitar is the most important instrument beyond all others when creating a rock band within the borders of the continental United States. Failure to include a guitar may lead to a fine of life interrogation, and delay of habeas corpus. placed on your band by the Federal Communications Commission or FCC. The guitar is the most important element of any rock group, more important than good lyrics, inspiration, uniqueness, or even a following of any sort. Thus, remember the story of the guitarless band, well no one really remembers, because they sucked so bad, so never mind don't remember, just try to imagine it never happened, because this has always worked in the past, especially for my alcoholism, (hic), (hic).

See Also[edit]