Ronaldo (The Fat One)

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Ronald Shadd, chomping away at his tongue.

Ronald Shadd, or otherwise known as Ronnie! twice Weight Watcher of the year and often compared in size to paris hilton, is the only man over 100 stone to have ever played football (aside from Lionel Messi. He currently is attempting to lose a little weight in order to be able to get back into football, having previously had to be air-lifted onto the stadium when taking part in charity matches. He has claimed numerous times he has been in contact with Manchester City football club about signing for them when fit (well, not injured), though is thought to be due to much talk about the new supah rich owners wanting to start a Manchester City burger chain. he once had a buger for breakfast.

Early Life[edit]

Ronald, born Ronaldo Fattima Shadd, spent his early life in his native country of Brazil, showing a strong passion for football and food as a youngster.he ate so many burger s once he left the restaurant with none left the fat cunt. He was often known to play keepy-uppies while eating, often with an item of food, and was much encouraged by his bed-ridden mother to pursue a career in eating.

His mother suffered from chronic fatness, an excuse used by many of today's supah-dupah large people as to why they are so big, and was immoveable from such an early age as 19. When Ronaldo moved to Europe, he wanted to have his mother there for support. She was famously boated over to Europe on a tanker, which sank and left Ronaldo's mother floating on the ocean-top, having to be airlifted the rest of the way by 2000 Chinooks. Many never flew again.

Ronaldo joined his local football team at the age of 11, though soon had to move when he outgrew the strip they wore, also not being able to fit in the team showers. It was also rumoured he was to blame for the constant lack of footballs. He was picked up by a team from Brasilia, who promised him all he could eat if he could motivate himself enough to move around abit on the pitch. Ronaldo had two natural talents, eating and scoring (which later held him back from pursuing a career in the latter).

How would i know what Bush's foreign policy was about?.

"ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IS THE BEST" Said a 'Dirty Red/Scummer/Plasticpaddy' about the fake ronaldo, who isnt the real one. As the real one eats tasty elephant sized pork pies.

"Fatty boom boom"

Injuries[edit]

Ronaldo suffered his first injury while playing for Barcelona in Atlantis City against the local team, in a pre-season friendly. He comically slipped over on a particlularly wet-patch, prompting commentator to famously say "if you take a whale out of it's habitat....". Though he was soon found to be eating his words when Ronaldo keeled over and crushed him and the entire city. He was later found floating in of the coast of southern America, though the city of Atlantis was no-where to be seen.

Honours[edit]

In 1993, following his successful transfer to Barcelona F.C, he was given the massive honour of being named the Club's Weight Watcher of the Year, having dwarfed his team mates attempts by far, losing 20 stone of his 147 stone mass. Britney spears came in second, losing 12 stone of her 66 stone body mass.

His efforts were recognized world-wide, most notably in America, where the president at the time President "Idiot face" Richard Nixon, who had taken over McDonalds, of McDonalds awarded him a life-time supply of McDonalds confectionery (if you can call it that).

It was no surprise then that he did not turn up for pre-season training that summer, being spotted by a satellite off the coast of Africa. Madagascar was nowhere to be seen.

Relationships[edit]

Ronaldo has endured many relationships since his first girlfriend back when he was in school (he was schooled at home, though, on account of him not being able to fit inside any of the classrooms), having a six-year relationship with a sea-lion dressed in a skirt, whom he is said to have had 2 children with. The younger of the two is said to be the next Rick Waller. Not singing talents, you must understand. He also, as was widely and hilariously reported in newspapers worldwide, had sex with two male prostitutes, who in his defence did look a lot like Lily Savage.

Woman Eater[edit]

On March 29th 2005, Ronaldo famously ate a woman called, Wendy, after seeing her sign with glowing red hair. He protested and complained that she smelled like bacon. He rolled over on the floor screaming "Donut!". His punishment was that he was not allowed to eat a Big Mac for 5 mins the next day. He was spotted on a satellite trying to hide underneath a bus to stuff his face. However unfortunately, he didn't fit.

Natural Goalscorer[edit]

Ronaldo scored many goals in his career. He famously scored one in the 2002 World Cup final after eating everyone on the pitch. He then tried to eat the ball, but it slipped out of his mouth and fell into the goal. As the world was cheering "GOAL!!!!!". Ronaldo was clueless, and was not fit enough to walk over and pick up the ball. He collapsed on the floor and he then shouted, "GOAL!!!". Whilst screaming this, he used most of his energy and lost 20kg. During his childhood, he scored the goal of the season by falling over on the ball from his own half. The ball slipped from under his fat body, flew over everyone, including the goalkeeper, and went straight into the top corner. A man recorded that goal, but as Ronaldo was too embarrassed because he fell over onto his fat ass, he decided to eat the man to prevent him from uploading the video worldwide.

See also[edit]