Rude Britain (subtitled 100 Rudest Place Names in Britain) is a 2005 book of extraordinary childishness and general sniggering. The book is written by Rub Valley and Hard Burst, and published in the United Kingdom by the Dirtbox imprint of the noted Spam Javelin Press. It is typically kept in the toilet, where the casual reader can spend a little time, during their ablutions, entertaining themselves.
But not like that. Get your mind out of the gutter.
Each of the 100 names chosen by the authors are accompanied by a photograph and a sneering editorial digest of how such names came to be. The names are often ascribed to the island's history of repeated invasion, occupation, penetration, exploitation and assimilation, combined with a certain thrust for sexual innuendos.
The following is the list of the top twenty names from the book, all somewhat unpleasant and most of which incorporate obscene sexual acts or random filth:
- Gobble Cock Lane, Essex
- Purple Gristle, Cornwall
- Spurting, Worcestershire
- Mauve Envelope, the sometime Birmingham home of Moira Stewart
- Funbags-on-the-scrote, Orkney and Shetland
- Glistening Shaft, a holiday centre in Hampshire with a name dating back to 1974
- Deep Penetration, Northern Ireland
- Dirty Sanchez, Essex
- Shit-stained Fudge Tunnel, City of London, an alleyway in the EC1 postal district
- Bulbous Testicle, Dorset
- Vicious Anal Fisting, an aptly-named residential area in Liverpool
- Do-Me-Like-The-Slut-I-Am, North York Moors
- Dripping Vagina, Lincolnshire
- Yawee Fucker, Renfrewshire
- Orange Discharge, a hamlet on the South Downs noted for the production of tangy marmalade
- Cleveland Steamer Parade, Oxfordshire
- Spunk-en-le-Chin, Derbyshire
- Unkempt Pubic Thatch, Surrey
- Christ, Are You Still Reading This, Lanarkshire
- BDSM Street, the ironically-named location for the West Sussex Celibacy Society
Other entries include Piss (from the Old English word peis, meaning to piss), Goat Raper, Cumbath, and Much Fanny Batter (a hamlet in Lincolnshire with a name based on the French fanay, meaning penis).
Gropecunt Lane in Oxford has been renamed "Cuntgrope Lane".
Almost everyone who has visited Sunderland has joined a campaign to have the word "Sunderland" declared as the name of an obscure sexual practice. Possibly something involving rice pudding, three goldfish and a pair of rubber knickers.
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