Rufium

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Those obsessed with so-called experts should thank their lucky stars that Wikipedia does not have an article about Rufium.
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Lordbyronium <- Rufium -> Doobium
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General
Name Rufium
Symbol Rf
Number 69 dude
Kinkiness moderate to high
Physical Properties
Melting point 999 °C, or maybe 999 °F
Boiling point 0 °C, or maybe 0 °F
Flavor Salty

Not to be confused with Rubioium, Rufium was thought to be so bogus as to be unobtainable. The world was proved wrong in the year 3092 A.C. when the first crystal of the element was used by Rufus to create a telephone booth while some excellent music played in the background. It is beleived that he created the ten foot crystal by acid-base titration with seven gills of trinitroterene in his guitar. Sadly, his guitar, nicknamed "Lord Thai" (see War of the houses) died with him in that awful battle. As a result of the loss of the primary catalyst, samples are increasingly difficult to procure, Hence the saying, "I would go to Siam and back with a lobster on my forehead just to retreive a half-hogshead of Rufium." It is perhaps the most rare but radical element, and has a Shelf Life of 50 days, meaning that it either has to be synthesized on a regular basis, or else kept with compound preservatives containing Necrophilium.