Rutger Hauer

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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Rutger Hauer.

Rutger Hauer was a French shoemaker who attempted to assassinate Oscar Wilde in 1923. As a result of the assassination attempt, Wilde declared France to be "not very much fun"; a statement which led to the 1,000 Minute War between France, Germany, Rhode Island, and parts of Burundi. Hauer was never captured, but his role in the attempt on Wilde's life is well known as he later published a pamphlet detailing the entire event in an attempt to resurrect his flagging shoemaking career. By this time, no one particularly cared about the event and Oscar Wilde was on his 9th clone (the 8th having died in an absurd drinking competition), so the statute of limitations had run out on charging Hauer with a crime, anyway.

Hauer currently lives somewhere in the United States of Mexamericanada and has a relatively successful acting career. He is a culpable fifth degree to Kevin Bacon unless you count his role in Scorchers, dropping him to a three in shame.