SUNY Plattsburgh

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Plattsburgh State University
Motto "Only Two Suicides Per Year!"
Established 1834
School type Pubic
Head Jean Chr├ętien
Location Plattsburgh, Pennsylvania, United States
Campus Clean and somewhat small
Enrollment 6,543 undergrads
1,458 "lifers"
3 graduates
Endowment What's an endowment?
Faculty 270
Mascot Cardinal

SUNY Plattsburgh is a liberal arts college in the State University of New York system that is located in Plattsburgh, New York. Plattsurgh State University was founded by John A. Macdonald in 1834 after a drunken night fighting moose in northern Canada. Waking up from a bloody battle, Macdonald was amazed to see he had built the campus entirely out of Molson and Labatt bottles.

SUNY Plattsburgh has over seventy programs for academic scholarship, including drinking, the amorous arts of love, and hockey. The campus population of over 6,000 students is notable for their lack of intellectual ability and amazing propensity to buy alcohol instead of books. There are a large amount of academic halls, but recently the student government passed a law making these into bars and strip clubs.

SUNY Plattsburgh is located in the upper regions of New York and has been the subject of much contention between the United States and Canada due to the closeness of the campus to the Canadian border (see below).

Campus Life[edit]

Campus life at SUNY Plattsburgh is lively. The many residence halls hold programs that only losers and fucktards attend, since there is no alcohol present. Recent events suggest that alcohol is starting to make a comeback on campus, as the Cardinal Points campus newspaper recently pointed to.

Much of the "action" happens off-campus, where the numerous bars and eateries are located. SUNY Plattsburgh has mandated that all students move off-campus by their second semester, utilizing the Royal Canadian Mounted Police to remove any students not complying with this measure.

SUNY Plattsburgh and Canada[edit]

SUNY Plattsburgh has a long history with Canada, notably with its founder being John A. Macdonald, who built the campus out of beer bottles. Much of the art on the campus today are remnants of the original buildings. This was due to the infamous riot of 1968, where hockey players on the Plattsburgh State team clashed with hippies over the status of the college in regards to Canada.

Canadian overtures to the United States in taking over the Plattsburgh State campus had been put forward since the university's founding in 1834. Macdonald had accidentally built the campus overnight in upstate New York and hence all rights to the campus were legally within the rights of the United States.

Every president of Plattsburgh State University has been Canadian, including Alex Trebek and Avril Lavigne. This is as far as Canada's rights to Plattsburgh State extend.

The Quebec Separatist Hippie Brigade in 1968 had made demands to New York to cecede the campus to Canada. After the Brigade occupied the Masonic Lounge for four days, the campus's hockey team raided the building and beat up all the hippies. A nine day riot exploded on the campus, leading to the destruction of all the buildings on campus and 400 deaths. The campus was rebuilt using Budweiser bottles, removing all doubt as to the national ownership of the campus.

Other Important Events[edit]

  • Oscar Wilde briefly attended SUNY Plattsburgh, but was kicked out after setting fire to the English Deparment office.
  • The campus was used for filming They Live, where fourteen local children were shot on the campus grounds.
  • The band Ku Klux Klan played here in 2001, resulting is a campus wide peace vigil.