“a Sad Attempt At Beauty....”
“I'll fix it!”
“Yay!! ^_^ ”
Everyone driving a Saab will get Saabotaged.
Saab is a Swedish company that was founded in 1849 by Hagar the Horrible and a drunken guy from Sweden, and Fred. Saab stands for 'Swedish Aeroplanes Are Brilliant'. In the early years, Saab only produced military aircraft that were made of recycled cans of beer and old tricycle tires. But when the situation changed after World war 2, when the military of Sweden only existed on paper, Saab started to make cars instead. For no obvious reason.
The first car they made was called the "Ursaab", which is Swedish and translates into "Four wheeled vehicle primarily intended for gay people". But since it was impossible to buy letters in Sweden between 1889 and 2002, they called it "92" instead, which stands for that the designer, rumored to be a Moomin, drank 92 gallons of alcohol before he designed the body.
This was an advance for Saab as the previous two stroke engine, had only ever burned half the fuel supplied to it.
Most Saabs are designed to be started in reverse gear, thus by-passing un-necessary clutch use, and increasing monies to insurance companies. The rear of all Saabs are strengthened, and the best, and safest place, to drive a Saab is therefore from the back seat.
The Saab 92 was produced between 1945 and 2006, they just changed the name to 93, 95 and later also 96, because for every re-design of the body there was another gallon of alcohol drunken.
The first years, the Saab 92 had an engine stolen from a moped made in germany in the years 1939-45 by polish slaves, but when the supply came to an end in 1968, they used a Ford engine instead, which was originally intended for the Ford Mustang, but since the engine made 2 mpg and the Mustang was intended to make only one, they sold the whole supply to Saab instead.
There also was a station wagon made, called the Saab 95. It had 20 seats and required a bus drivers license, but since the seats was made for trolls from Trollhättan, it could only seat 2½ real people.
When their Viggen aircraft project failed, they cut the wings off and made cars of them instead of aircrafts, and called the car "Saab 99". The Saab 99 was banned in Sweden in 1971 because it had no steering, and today all cars have been exported to russia.
The replacement for the Saab 99 was the Saab 9000000000 that came out in 1985. The name is actually the password to the head computer (a Commodore 64) of the Swedish military. Saab 9000000000 was not their own design, it was a rebadged Lada, which was a rebadged Fiat. Though they added a bumper that was two meters long so it would pass Swedish crashtest standards.
Saab's are world renowned for their safety features, especially their resiliance to accidents involving Elks, indeed to this day Saab maintain a team of specially trained Elks to drive prototype cars under simulated crash conditions at the top secret Saab Research Centre in the carpark of an IKEA store just outside of Trollhättan.
Eric Carlsson, legendary Saab rally driver is accredited as being the GodFather of all Stigs, and is distantly related to Elks, himself.
In the year 2000, the company Saab was sold, some people say it was to General motors, but it was actually to Satan. So nowadays the only saab model is a rebadged Opel Kadett while the only Opel model is a rebadged Saab 9000000000, which is a rebadged Lada, which is a rebadged Fiat.
A feature on all Saabs is that the interior is made of 100% latex.
In 2006 Saab started producing two new cars; 9-7x and 9-2x. These cars were designed by Mr George "I KNOW IT ALL!!!!!" BUSH. Many enthusiasts claim that this cooperation between Bush and Satan (aka General motors) is the last nail in the coffin for Saab.
This has led to both President Bush losing his job, and GM losing Saab, as it divorced itself from its parental influence - something George W couldn't even do.