“I wish I could bang a hot blond like that!”
“I created her to bring LOVE, not war. That bimbo didn't do what she was supposed to do.”
Sailor Venus a.k.a. Minako 'Mina' Aino (b. Acktober 22, 1978 or 1980 because of the dammed dispute over which year the show takes place) (d. When the sun goes BOOM!) is the boss of planet Venus, the planet of fucking LOVE therefore she's the LOVEliest Sailor Scout. I LOVE her. YOU should LOVE her, but probably don't, because you are Artemis, her cat that she always ties up with 'Venus LOVE Me Chain'(I can't believe she actually has to say this long and ridiculous line).
History (because we all have a history)
Sailor Venus was spawned upon this earth by the almihghty God, or Buddah, or whatever the hell it is...Anyway... She was destined to end all wars on earth. Unfortunately, and obviously, that didn't happen. Because she was too busy getting all sorts of boyfriends (i.e. AWCB). However, she was also used to strangle evil celebrities, such as the Jonas Brothers, with her 'Venus Love, Fuck and Make Me Orgasm Chain'. When she was found by Sailor Moon, well... she was all ready a Sailor Scout. She beat Sailor Moon to it! After the meeting, she joined the school all the others went to...because she was bullied at her previous school.
Her and Sailor Moon
Sailor Venus and Sailor Moon look a lot alike right? Well, many believe they are twins. How and why, the world will never know. But the two of them, their parents and other assorted relatives, and friends, all deny it. Obviously they can't see shit right. She is almost as blond/dumb as Sailor Moon. She also has her own annoying talking cat just like Sailor Moon, only hers is white(trash) and male, and since it's male it means that it's a pig as well not just a cat. Venus was the original sailor scout but when the anime started the producers gave Sailor Moon the lead role; that's why the two share a bitter rivalry and often compete for the title of dumbest blond on the show.
Sailor Venus has many boyfriends. The list is too damn long to count, so we will give you a few...
- David Spade
- Hugh Hefner because he dates ALL the blonds in the universe.
- All British guys that she met while she was in England: Harry Potter, Prince Charles, Prince Harry, Prince William, Prince Philip, Mr Bean, David Beckham, Tony Blair and the chavs that gangbanged her in an alley(she MADE them do it)
- Artemis, her male cat with a female name
- Oscar Wilde and Chuck Norris cuz they MUST appear in every Uncyclopedia article.
Her and Music, Volleyball, and the other shit she likes
Sailor Venus dreams of becoming a music idol(translation: she's a famewhore who can't sing). That's why she plans to take drugs, shave her head and go to rehab so she can hang out with Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan thus getting all the media attention she wants. She's also quite good at volleyball...but she only plays it because she likes it when the guys stare at her moving boobs when she jumps to hit the ball. She hates all school subjects except Physical Education cuz you know...she has to stay in shape if she wants keep having sex in all those crazy positions
Famous Sailor Venus quotes
Sailor Venus is famous for saying stupid things and screwing up quotes even worse than George Bush does.
“Where there's will, there's a gay!”
“To be or not to be again and again time after ti...space!”