"Sssppitting isss ssso asssum!"
~Spitting Kid With Braces on Spitting
“Spitting should be encouraged as a greeting at the UN”
“I get it all the time where I work”
“Yo yo yo this spit is whack!”
“TAKE IT IN THE MOUTH”
“Spitting? It's like mouth rain!”
Spitting is a formal gesture of friendship towards the French. When one sees a Frenchman they should spit at him, usually in the face, to show their appreciation of the French culture. The amount of force used to propel the spit indicates the level of acceptance. So, to fully show what one thinks of the French, one should used a full mouthful of spit when spitting. Spitting was invented back in the 1800s when a young French dandy tripped over a peasant\gypsy and had the manshame swilling around his mouth taken out through force. The gypsy replied "spin oan it!", and to the Dandy's shock heard spit.
Spitting was invented in the West in the year 681 BC when invading Vikings got their first taste of French wine. It seems the subtleties of the French palate were too sophisticated for the Norsemen, who emphatically spat the wine in the faces of its dismayed creators, exclaiming "THIS IS THE WORST BEER WE'VE EVER TASTED!! This action was taken by the French to be a form of ritual integration, and so, from that day forward, the French always expect to be spat on.
Anger Reaction Theory
It has been theorised by some scientists that spitting on someone may produce a noticeable reaction; probably in the form of a punch in the face. But as yet this theory remains untested. It is therefore advised that when traveling abroad people should practice spitting on the locals. Raising your hands to block the spit shows that they are testing your technique, and you should continue until you have successfully soaked them in your body fluids.
People have been know to die as a result of spitting; either by being the spitter and using up all the water inside them, resulting in death, or by being spat on and being waterised, also resulting in death. In fact, death by spit is the third biggest cause of deaths in the universe, below death by kitten huffing and death by Broccoli.
Effects on the Earth
Spitting is the main cause of the rise in sea level. By spitting into the sea, you are actually huffing millions of sea creatures. Every year, sea level increases rapidly due to some species like the drooling grue and kitten huffers who drool excessively after going 'high'.
The following people have died by spitting: