Samuel Beckett

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"Oh, boy..."

~ Samuel Beckett after his most recent leap
Dessert. Dazzlingly lite.

Samuel Beckett is finished, or nearly finished, but at least he must be approaching nearly finished. But who knows? Let's wait a bit longer and see.

Samuel Beckett is the only human being to have had a group photograph taken of him.

And who comes?

A boy, unwhipped.

He informs us that Mr. Beckett is still writing, but fear not, for he will be finished by tomorrow.

You can feel the rings.

You do not move.

Beckett - The Man, The Leg-end[edit]

Beckett a vehement anti-smoking campaigner, would often appear with a lit fag in mouth - he enjoyed the irony. You know who else likes lit fags in the mouth? Your mom.

Samuel Barclay Beckett (13 April 1906 – 22 December 2089) was is an Irish?


Reflection in the memory of Siegmund[edit]

In December, 1989, a leather tanner by the name of Giles Smogfield was hanging out a sheet of fine moo-skin to dry outside his Parisian workshop in Paris. The sheet of skin was out to dry, which was outside his workshop in France, where he tanned leather for a living, being a leather tanner. However Monsieur Smogfield was a renowned kitten huffer. It is believed that he most likely left the aforementioned leather out while he took to satisfying his deviant needs. By the end of the tanning process, the leather was sold to Raphi-franc De Franzillio - a leather carpenter; who wished to set about his work on the hyde, seeking to turn it into a rather fetching leather hat. However before beginning his masterful work which was said to be masterful, he noticed something which had gone unnoticed by the kitten huffing leather tanner Smogfield. The cows old covering - which the cow no longer legally owned due to her having been dispossessed of it - was now covered itself, covered in writing. This leather, now rendered, and then rendered useless by the writing was left in a small cupboard at the bottom of the stairs under the metro station in Montparnasse.. forgotten about until 7 years ago when it was re-discovered. And it has now become clear that this play was smattered all pen-wise on the leather by the (late?) Samuel Beckett. IT adds increased gravity to the initially risible theory that Beckett was in fact not dead (though originally believed to have died in 1989.)

  • We now present, for the readers delectation, an extract from the play said to be highly autobiographical.

Act The Tenth. Scene the Fourth. Page the four hundred and twenty first

Bockle: Beckett's work is stark, or so the pediwik told me.

Woz: fundamentally?

Bockle: minimalist.

Woz: I'm afraid we've had a misunderstanding.

Bockle: The human condition.

Woz: He had, at least when we first saw him.

Bockle: Truthful until the end!

Woz: And not a mistake about that. But old friend it occurs to me -Woz turns, falls silent for a moment, looks stage left, shakes head and begins speaking again- occurs that we have stood there before.

Bockle: That is so. But hélas, who windward sails our way?

Woz: its that awful eijit..

Bockle: You've a harsh tongue in your head. Sober.

Woz: Sufficed.

Bockle: There's a lot of common sense in that you know, Woz. It's taken me all this time to notice.

They stay still

Work in the Theatre and Television[edit]

Beckett is fondly remembered for playing bawd and blasphemer, Miley, in the factual drama series Glenroe. Beckett is well remembered for his stage plays, which suggest that we, the race of humans, are perhaps maybe possibly kind of sort of already Fucked. Waiting for God and Otto is regaled as being the first ever postmodern play as it references the bus driver from TV show The Simpsons over forty years before Otto was conceived in a trailer park 30 miles south of Springfield. The play is also the earliest known reference to God, who later went on to CREATOR OF THE WORLD fame. God acknowledges Beckett as a huge influence on his career in an article he wrote for The Christian Monthly. God also wrote that he still doesn't know why someone would be waiting for both him and Otto. He claims he is nothing like Otto, although both have been arrested for possession of Marijuana. Beckett's second play End Game 2640 is about a blind man who plays chess against his friend in a post apocalyptic world, where aliens have laid waste to most of humanity.


Beckett; The time traveller[edit]

Samuel Beckett: playwright, timetraveller

Perhaps more famous, even than his works of words, are Becketts time-travelling adventures.

The series Quantum Leap began in 1989; the year popularly believed by the unpopular to be the year when Samuel had actually passed away off this mortal suffle of a coil.

"It is primae facie that what we can observe with this most intrinsically self-evidential information with which we are supposedly post-humously presented; is in fact and of a matter of the natural course, that Samuel Beckett never died but in fact was simply transmogrified into the person known by the handle of Sam Beckett." Lord Elton John was responsible for the beginning of what has been described variously as a "big feckin lie" to "the greatest piece of theoretical work of the 20th century".